The Right Side of Forty with Dr. Rosie Ross

Have you ever felt like you're on the wrong side of 40? Or actually been told that you are? Today Stephanie and Maren interview Dr. Rosie Ross about midlife, transitions and what it means to honor ourselves at every stage of life. Dr. Rosie is not only a woman with a powerful message, her inspiring story will have you sitting up and taking note.

Dr. Rosie’s passions around educating people, health literacy and empowering women shine through as her incredible story unfolds. Maren & Stephanie have fallen in love with her and you will, too.

“I was going to make it and I was going to strive to make a difference in my little corner of the world with the people that I serve.” ~ Dr. Rosie Ross

• 10:23 Rosie’s story of passion 
• 19:37 Everything went sideways, angst and nourishment
• 26:31 Needing each other, the vulnerable parts
• 31:34 Thesaurus.com: midlife - the wrong side of 40
• 33:14 Owning your power “we have no idea how far those ripples go”
• 40:30 Why this book? Candid conversations to get past the taboo
• 44:15 The hilarious JoAnne and Middle Tire Disease
• 48:29 Men in our lives
• 51:37 Ten Commandments of Stress

“We're here to live our best powerful version of who we are.” Dr. Rosie Ross

Dr. Rosie Ross - MBBS(Hons) BHSc (Nat Med) FRACGP

Dr. Rosie Ross, sought-after midlife women’s health expert, is an award-winning Medical Doctor, Herbalist, Author, Speaker, and Integrative Health specialist. Dr. Rosie is truly passionate about women’s wellbeing and powerfully changing menopause education through health literacy and integrative medecine approaches. Author of Approaching the Pause: Candid Conversations on the Journey Towards Menopause, Dr Rosie breaks down the barriers to talking about the sometimes-embarrassing topics of midlife menopausal changes.

LINKS

34:37 Leading with Beauty w/Deanne Fitzpatrick - Podcast Ep. 87

40:30 Approaching the Pause - Dr. Rosie’s Book

TRANSCRIPT

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Transcript

Stephanie Allen: 0:01

Hi, welcome to the soulful leader podcast. Maren and I are super excited because we have a special guest today. Dr. Rosie Ross. And this is a woman unlike no other, let me just tell you, this woman has reached inside her own soul and elevated it to a whole new possibility. And in doing so she inspired me when I met her some time ago, back in Ottawa, at a speaking convention with Maren and she talks about menopause and talks about the things that you know, that we don't really talk about, because we have so much shame about and, and that's what we talk about in the soulful leaders, like, you know, the shame is what keeps us disconnected. It keeps us from, from really being vulnerable and real and alive. And actually, that's our superpower. So,

Maren Oslac: 0:55

you wouldn't think that talking about menopause would be like a superpower. Right? Or an exciting subject. And I will tell you all, you will fall in love with Dr. Rosie the way that Stephanie and I did. We talk about everything from, you know, all the taboo subjects to, I love her, she started her talk, where Stephanie and I met her, with all these women who were doing great and amazing things on the quote, unquote, wrong side of 40. So if you've ever either felt like you're on the wrong side of 40, or you know somebody that is or that you've thought that they are, this is a podcast you guys need to listen to because we're actually on the right side of 40. We're just getting into our prime and owning our power. It's

Stephanie Allen: 1:52

as right it's no longer downhill from here. We might be hot, physically, but we are also hot internally and ready to fire up in a way that we don't have to have hot flashes.

Maren Oslac: 2:03

Yeah. So without further ado, I think you guys will just love this podcast. We can't wait to hear from you. And please welcome Dr. Rosie Ross. In a world where achievements and accolades motivate us to do more and be more. We're often left wondering, is this really it?

Stephanie Allen: 2:26

deep inside, you know, there is more to life, you're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper life that's calling you.

Maren Oslac: 2:35

That's where we excel. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen, and Maren Oslac.

Stephanie Allen: 2:41

And this is the soulful leader podcast.

Maren Oslac: 2:43

Sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've uncovered to help you make shift happen. So this is a super exciting conversation for us. And Dr. Rosie, please like, welcome to the show. And could you just tell us a smidge about why you are so passionate about what you're doing right now.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 3:18

Thank you wonderful to be with everyone today. So what I do is, I really am passionate about helping women make their midlife years positively life changing. And I have a number of reasons why but I thought I'll just share a couple if I may. The first reason is because every woman is different every woman's experience of their midlife years, which officially is 40 to 65 and and during that time going through the menopausal transition into what I consider the next wonderful stage of life is because there are so many different ways that this may be experienced. And and that for some women, or many women in my experience that I see in consultations, they feel really anxious and uncertain about what's going on. So if I can, perhaps share the first part about the different experience that women have. So when I was going through medical school, and I was in my midlife years, I had one lecture about menopause in the six years of my undergraduate degree. And

Maren Oslac: 4:38

So in all six years of your undergraduate you only had one course that addressed menopause.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 4:43

Okay, one lecture. Yeah. Anyway that I recall. Yeah, and yeah, and and for me, I, my understanding was that was all about hot flashes and night sweats and maybe disrupted sleeping and mood changes, you know, and those are certainly part of those those hormonal experiences is they changed during that time. What I didn't recognize, though, that there's a whole lot of other symptoms, or experience, that women may experience. And so for me as I was going through that, those changing hormone levels and going through, you know, to enter into menopause, I was experiencing no hot flashes, so don't hate me. And I didn't have any of those nights where, my sleep was pretty okay. But what I experienced was escalating anxiety and brain fog and difficulty with word finding. And for me, that was quite awful. Because as part of medical studies, they're not only the written exams, there are also oral exams. And so you'd have a couple of doctors in front of you two or three, and they'd be firing questions at you. And here I am in this perimenopause or menopausal transition, and I'm thinking, I'd suddenly go blank, or I wouldn't be able to find the words or I'd have this, you know, this brain fog issue. And that's not a great look when you're trying to pass exams. So I realized that there are different experiences that women have. And the other thing that I recognize that I'm really it has really prompted me and made me so passionate about helping women to better understand this journey, is that there are quite a number of women who really don't know what to expect, or what might happen. And so, and that can bring uncertainty and escalate their anxiety. And I just wanted to help to help women better understand, you know, the changes that may be occurring in their body as they move through this transitional time. So,

Stephanie Allen: 7:00

there you go. I am so excited that you are here and sharing this because as a therapist myself, I cannot tell you, when I started to go through menopause, and having hot flashes in the irritability, and the the brain fog, I'm thinking, why is, why aren't we talking about this? You know, and the inner narrative, the inner story that I'm telling myself is like, am I the only one that's going through this? Like, am I crazy, and then you take that and here I am. In a world where I am looking after other people as a therapist, as well as you know, having a company and I'm in a leadership role, and I'm a hot mess, inside and out. I'm a hot mess. And I think you know, as we're talking about soulful leadership, and you are such a soulful leader, because in your mid life, you took an about face and completely changed your whole your whole inner and outer world. And in you did it during midlife. And I think there's something really wonderful there. I was just remembering. Do you remember the movie fried green tomatoes with Kathy Bates?

Dr. Rosie Ross: 8:14

Love that movie.

Stephanie Allen: 8:15

Me too. And when I saw it, of course, I was much younger, because that's when it first came out, obviously. But there's that opening scene of Kathy Bates of going to the grocery store and she's got her car, and she's trying to find a parking spot and she finds one. And this young, little vibrant, you know, probably in her 20s, early 20s in a convertible, cuts her off and takes the spot. And the young little, you know, perky 20 year old gets out and looks at Kathy Bates and says, I'm younger and faster, or something very, you know, crass. And Kathy Bates backs up and then goes forward and slams into her convertible rolls down a road and she goes I'm older and have more insurance. And there's that, and I laugh because I remember, because I at that time I was probably that young, perky 20 year old watching Fried Green Tomatoes and I just kept thinking I'm like, is this midlife? Is this what that is? But it there's a leadership to Kathy Bates like she just dropped in and was like, I don't care. This is who I am. And there's like a chutzpah to recognizing one's inner growth, inner power, inner inner wisdom and I think that's, you know, what really drew me to you Dr. Rosie was wow, like I heard you speak and I heard you go through your talk of your life story. And I'm like, this is empowering. Why do we think we have to wait when we're in our 20s that we think that that's our power, when really we do get better with age. We know who we are. We know what we want what we don't want what will say yes to what we need to say no to and there's a, I think what you're sharing and what you're, what you're mentoring and even what you're embodying is so so inspiring.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 10:08

Yeah, I love that movie. I remember being young and, and so I'll have to go, I would like to go back and actually rewatch that now from this perspective as a midlife woman, yeah.

Stephanie Allen: 10:23

Brilliant. Because so here you are now, you know, gone to medical school in your, in your 40s. Right, and written a book, have a wonderful website that I've been excited about, because you've got like the 10 commandments, and I we're gonna hear about more about that, too. But I was curious with you, too, because our listeners don't know the backstory of how you even got into this, how you even decided to go to med school in your in your 40s. Like, that's the, I mean, to go to med school in your 20s is a huge commitment, let alone in your 40s. So I'd love to, I'd love to hear that story again, and to share that with our listeners like, Oh, what was it within you that gave you the courage and the longing and the desire to go and do that?

Dr. Rosie Ross: 11:13

Thank you. Well, it's been a long and winding road to become a medical doctor. So I will take us back to, at 17, my father became made redundant from his job. And so there were six children at home. My mum was a full time carer and dad was unable, he'd become totally blind. And so he was unable to find work at that stage. And so I was had just finished year 11 I was about to go into year 12, the last year of high school in Australia, I'm not sure what it is in the US and Canada. Is it the same in?

Maren Oslac: 11:55

yep

Dr. Rosie Ross: 11:56

Thank you. And so, you know, I've got one more year to complete before I graduate, however, I needed to go and work to support my family. And I did that. I was really happy to do that. And I opened the paper and there was an opportunity to become a nurse. And so I went and studied nursing for three years. And I graduated. And I graduated with a high distinction. And I was really happy about that. And one of the doctors that the graduation cere, ceremony said, why didn't you do medicine and I didn't like to say, you know, I gave him some offhand comment. But really, I just felt very dumb, because I hadn't completed my schooling, it was something that I would go on for many years to regret. So I really encourage people to finish their schooling. And then I worked in some high dependency units in a in a big city hospital. And I then got married, had three children studied natural therapies, herbal medicine, you know, became a naturopathic practitioner, I was seeing patients in my home. And, and I realized I said to my husband, you know, people that really need the most help are the people that don't really have as much money. Wouldn't it be fantastic if I could just give some over the counter advice and people could, you know, utilize what they wanted. And then, you know, if they wanted to, to go further than that, that they would make it a consultation. I know I'm taking a bit of a time here, but I'd like to give you this backstory. Thanks. And, and so because I'm really passionate about educating people, you know, health literacy, empowering women, you can probably start to hear it in my voice. I'm still passionate about that. And so this was on a Friday, and I opened the Saturday paper, and there was a health food shop for sale. And it was called My Goodness Whole Foods. And I thought, Okay, I think this is a bit of a sign. So I bought it. And I just loved being able to give that over the counter advice and being available for the people. And I want you to know, I'd had no experience in retail, no experience. As a sh, I had nothing but I had a lot of enthusiasm. I was in my 30s at this time. And what happened was, as I was serving customers, there will be certain products that I would say to them, Look, this is one so for example, St. John's Wort, that you really need to let your doctor know if there's an issue with being on an antidepressant because this can potentially interact. And I'd be really interested because people would say to me, I'm not telling my doctor. And I would be curious and I'd say yeah, I'm curious, why would that be? And they say, Well, my doctor just dismisses me, you know, looking at these complementary or alternative therapies, and they just think it's a whole lot of rubbish. And I thought this is really concerning because they are potential, you know, drug and herbal or supplement interactions. And so I would really encourage them to go and speak to their health practitioner. And then as time went on, with their permission, you know, I actually write to, for formal consultations I brought to the doctors, and let them know that this was what the person was on. And I'd give them a whole lot of information about potential interactions and just start educating some of the doctors around town, too. And there are a couple of GPs who were fabulous, I lived in Hobart at the, at that time, which is in Tasmania, the state, which is like a heart shape. At the bottom of Australia, it's an island. And there was one doctor who one day said to me, Rosie, why don't you study medicine, and here I am in my early 40s. And I, I stopped for a moment and I thought, you know, I'm too old. And then I stopped that thought immediately, you know, and I thought, you know, I don't want to look back on my life with regret. And this is something, you know, why not? Why don't I just go for it? Why don't I go and study because, you know, in X amount of years, I'll be, you know, X years older, and I'll either have a medical degree, or I won't, and if I fail, so what at least I've tried. So that was my thinking. And, and so I went to my local university, which was in Hobart, and they said, Well, you know, you don't have your leaving certificate, you need to go and go back to school and, and get that. And so what I did was, I actually sat in with the 16 and 17 year olds for two years, they were 1200 at Rosny College, they were so cool. And I was literally old enough to be their mother. And I have to tell you, the scariest day of my life was actually going up those stairs with its felt like a sea of people and enrolling to study. And I studied everything, you know, maths and science and physics and chemistry and all the things that I would need to get a really good and I had to work hard for good scores, so for two years, I did that. And interestingly, when I was in Year 12, my youngest daughter Rhiannon actually was in Year 11. So can you imagine arriving to school and not just dropping them off, but actually parking the car getting out. And, you know, going in there, we were in different classes, were in different years. And I had offered to go elsewhere to a different high school, but she was so cool with it. And she said no, that's fine. So sometimes I even had friends at high school. Sometimes, her friends, and her and I, and my friends would actually meet up in the, you know, meet up in the cafeteria area and have a chat. It was really great. So I passed with a fabulous score. And then I had to go through the process of interviews and sitting another big psychometric exam, which was three hours that anybody in Australia going into health area is required to sit. And then so I applied to Tasmania, they didn't want to take me on. And so my husband at the time recommended Look, why don't you apply to some universities on the mainland. So the rest of Australia is called, according to Tasmania is 'the mainland'. And so I did and I was accepted to both universities and I went to, I chose to go to the University of New South Wales, which I absolutely loved, with a six year degree. And at that time, so sorry, I was 42 when I went back to high school, I was 44 when I started medicine, and and during that time, you know, there was a time that I nearly gave up because there were a whole lot of midlife issues happening. However, I I continued on, and I graduated at 51 with honors. And that's my story I've gone on to do further study, you know, one year as an intern one year as a resident in the hospital system, and then going on to do further studies to become a general practitioner. So wow, long story. Wow,

Maren Oslac: 19:37

it you know what, though, it speaks to where we started, which was that you feel so passionate about what you're doing that, that's what, that's what takes us, allows us the presence to move through those challenges. Those midlife challenges the just every day challenges and to commit to a six actually, because there was the residency since, etc, it was six years plus two more, plus the two for high school. So at age 42, your committing, committing 10 years of your life to education. And I think the only way that that's possible is when you have so much passion about something that you can see beyond the immediate of all the things that the world tells us, you're too old, you have brain fog, you're you know, you're gonna wake up in the middle of the night, you'll be exhausted in class, the like, all the all the stuff. And all of the stuff may be there, it may not be there, our mind is going to tell us that it's going to be there. And so holding on to and being, that you Stephanie, you earlier had mentioned the word longing, right of of really stepping into that longing, and trusting that there would be something for you, not just on the other side of that, because you can't just put your life aside for 10 years, that it's also during it. You know, let me ask you, did you feel fed? As I know, you said you were you had some problems and that you almost quit, and was there also times where you really felt fed by what you were doing?

Dr. Rosie Ross: 21:34

Absolutely. I had you know, my passion really carry me through, I had this focus that, you know, as you say, I was going to make it and I was going to strive to make a difference in my little corner of the world with the people that I serve. And that's how I look at what I do, I serve the people that come to consult with me. And so I for me, I'll admit, I did have that, that brain fog. And so for me, whilst other people seem to just really catch on quickly, I, I actually had to work really hard at what I did. But it was that goal of I'm going to get through and that belief that I was going to get through that kept me fed. I was very blessed by having some fabulous, you know, friends that that were around me, and there was Matt, and Holly who I met on the first day of medical school, actually. And Matt was, I think, probably in his 30s. And he was excited to see me because then he wasn't the old, oldest, you know, mature aged student. And he and his wife and their family just took me under their wing and you know, nourished me. You know, physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, it was fabulous. And my friend Holly, again, just such a wonderful friend and support and when times would get challenging, because as I say, life happens as you're making other plans. So as you're going as we were doing our medical degree, life happened in different ways to every everybody that went through the degree in my cohort, we would drop we would take our cars and carpool, and we call it the psych couch. We'd debrief sometimes, as we'd be driving to, to our classes, and then we'd go right, were ready, we're going for it. And we're here. So we would, yeah, and, and they were also the faculty themself were really good, if I can just mention that. There was a stage, many women in midlife, you know, there are physical changes, there are mental changes, there are social changes that occur in lives. And so I went through a really challenging time, my mother died, I'd gone, there's was a separation and the divorce was finalized. And and then, you know, there was a major move to the north coast to be part of the Rural Clinical School, because that was a choice on my part to, to move there. But I hadn't realized these other factors were going to all converge at the same time. And every two years, there is something called a barrier exam. So you have you know, every session has its own exams, and that's fine, you know, and you can try again, if you have failed. I didn't however, when barrier exam comes at the end of every two years, if you fail that exam, it's like thank you very much, but thank you, goodbye. You don't get a second chance at that. So it is a barrier exam. And I remember this one happened at the beginning of my fourth year. And as I went through the year, I thought I don't, it was like, everything was washing over the top of me and I, I couldn't think I had even worse brain fog. And I thought, I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to pass this exam at the end of the year. And so I went to see my head of, head of school. And I wasn't sure when I went through that door to meet with her whether I was going to actually quit from medicine, or whether there was some some way that I could get through this. And I have to say, women are so collegial and so supportive, and I couldn't have done it without my head of school and the other wonderful, amazing women around me. And she said, Look, you know, what is it that we can do to support you through this? So I went and saw a doctor, I will admit, I was depressed at the time. So I was treated for depression, I was given, you know, the opportunity to participate in extra tutorials. And that was fabulous. Because when I'd gotten to third year, I was actually tutoring other younger, not younger, but other years, you know, the years, one, two, and three to help them through. So then I was able to actually experience that for myself. And And thankfully, I got through. And then yeah, so there we are, I've forgotten the question,

Stephanie Allen: 26:31

what, what you were sharing is such that, well, one we need each other. we need, we need a community that can, that ,that we can lean on when we, when we're like really falling over, or wh, our internal, our internal sanctuary is no longer there for us to rest into. And I think what I hear you saying too, is like you ask for help, and then let it in. And that takes a tremendous amount of courage. And when I think of soulful leaders, it's like, it's not so much I think we get so caught up aboat marks or our age, or what it looks like, and in the outer, but what was going on internally for you Dr. Rosie was so immense, like, it was almost like an every thing in your life, whether it was health or your emotional state, your mental state, everything was like completely, it was there. And so it's kind of like when I think of like, a 12 step program, like we hit rock bottom, you know, and, and there was also something very beautiful in there too. Because what was compelling you to do that was to be in service to others. And I think when we don't just have goals or ideals, but there's also something bigger than just ourselves that we are serving, you're held. I was thinking about what you were sharing with wanting to do the health food store. And the next thing you know, you know, the it comes out in the paper, it's like, you know, you have these, like, which comes first sometimes you wonder, did I get that in, you know, the intuitive guidance, and then, you know, I opened up the paper and there it was? or was it because it was coming and I was a receptacle to it? It doesn't matter, does it? What What really matters is that you had in your heart, the space, and the capacity and the willingness to actually ask for help get it and then also see it. I think that's saying something to your leadership and too, because there's there's a lot to it, I just think about menopause brain. I mean, we were we were laughing before we all got on here together because we were talking about a movie and this actor and the three of us, we all know that actor, and we couldn't come up with any of us and my God, our brains together isn't even one brain right now. Like we're all having these, like, what is that? We know. And we're so hard on ourselves, aren't we?

Maren Oslac: 28:59

We are. What I what I loved about your story, Dr. Rosie was that oftentimes when we hear somebody's success story, we don't hear the vulnerable parts, the hard parts, and we think, oh my gosh, and I have to do this on my own, like look at what she accomplished, which is amazing and inspiring. And also, knowing that, like it was hard, too, and that you didn't do it by yourself. You had a lot of help. And I think especially for women, and maybe especially for women, you know of our age range and who are menopausal. You know, it's like we were taught to do everything. Don't let anyone know you're hurting. At least I was. You know, like keep it all inside. Don't let anybody know and you know, make sure that the outer looks all good. And then you know, like keeping up with the Joneses, the whole thing of like, I can do it all. And when I do it all, then I will be good enough. And I'm not even sure at this point in my life, I'm like, good enough for what? Like, what was I trying to prove? You know, like, what, what syrup what, did I, did I drink? You know, I drank the syrup of our culture. And I think many of us did. And I think there are a lot of us that are starting to wake up to that and saying, wait a minute, I inherently am good enough. I can ask for help. I can allow help. And what is this BS that I'm too old? Or I'm not, you know, like, all of the stuff? Right? So for our listeners, Stephanie and I met Dr. Rosie at a speaker's conference. And when she was speaking, she had this lovely whole beginning of her of her talk is these amazing women and the things that they've done, post menopause. And how they were told, like we're all told, Oh, you're too old, that see, like you're beyond whatever, you have a great what is that phrase that you use? Dr. Rosie?

Dr. Rosie Ross: 31:26

Oh, the Native American is that the one the Native Americans saying, you

Maren Oslac: 31:32

know, the one that you used from, from Wikipedia or from the dictionary? That's like, okay, and tells us that we're over the hill.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 31:43

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, if I can, if I can just go back for a minute if that's okay. Yeah, I started researching for my book, which is on approaching the pause, and I did what every good, evidence based researcher did I actually Googled the meaning of midlife. And so I and so I looked at thesaurus.com. And it's there today actually looked at it again this morning, and it says, midlife the wrong side of 40.

Maren Oslac: 32:13

There you go.

Stephanie Allen: 32:15

The wrong side of 40. Yeah, oh, my God.

Maren Oslac: 32:22

No, right. No wonder we have, we have issues. That we hit a point and we're like, we're dismissed. And so we, we feel like we need to change who we are, instead of one of the things in your book that I love is you are part of a native peoples that actually honor and embrace women as they get older for their wisdom. And our culture doesn't do that. And worse, you know, it's like you said, I want to be a part of changing that. Very much so.

Stephanie Allen: 33:06

And I would love to have you share what that honoring is because I think we all need to hear that.

Maren Oslac: 33:13

Yes, please.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 33:14

Thank you. So, so I'm an indigenous woman in Australia and Australian Aboriginal women and, and indigenous women here are Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander, and Torres Strait Islander and so. So we do honor, you know, the wisdom of elders. The quote that I actually shared in the talk, it comes from a Native American saying, and so, and that resonates with me and my culture as well. So if I may share that from the Native American say, it is At menarchy, a woman enters her power. During her reproductive years, she practices her power. And at menopause, she owns her power.

Maren Oslac: 34:10

I get goosebumps when you read that

Stephanie Allen: 34:12

I love that.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 34:13

And it's true. It is true. I remember when I was studying, you know, herbal medicine, and, you know, all of those naturopathic studies, I was, you know, much younger then. And there was a lovely lady who was about 30 years older than I was at that time, and she was going through menopause, and we would have discussions and she would say how invisible she was starting to feel. And I didn't really understand, you know, in my 20s what that meant, however, as I've, you know, come through this time, I recognize that many women do feel that way that they do feel unappreciated and invisible, and you know what we're, I'm here about, let's make a noise because we're not going to be silent, we're not going to be shushed. We're here to live our best powerful version of who we are. And I truly believe that each of us, we're all individuals, that we can be the best, most powerful person that we are, at this stage of life. I truly believe that. And, and one of the reasons I believe that is one of my patients who I suppose I should say, clients, but because I'm a doctor, we tend to say patients, I really am grateful for the the wisdom that they teach me. And one beautiful woman said to me, you know, she brings her whole body of experience to this time in her life. And I agree, I said to her, I'm going to share that, because that's true, we bring all of this wisdom, all of the experiences, this is a really empowered time of life, if we choose to look at it that way, you know, so rather than looking at the negatives, how about we take the positives, you know, the lessons that we've learned the wisdom that we've gained, and really share that not only with ourselves, but have that ripple effect, you know, into our families into our communities. And I truly believe that each of us has that ability to do that, to have this brilliant ripple effect across the whole of society across the whole of the world. And I, when I was meditating one day, I actually saw that it was this, this drop of I was a drop, coming from a tap. And I dripped into, I paused for a moment, then I dripped into this really still, still pond, and I saw the influence that that I had, you know, just this ripple effect. And then as I looked, I saw other drops coming from the sky. And there were more and more until it was just a huge rainstorm, you know, and I realized this is all of us as women, we are there. And as each of us shares our unique and individual gifts and talents, you know, in a positive way, we just can have a ripple effect across the whole of the world. And we have no idea how far those ripples go. And that then that lifts all the boats in the harbor together.

Stephanie Allen: 37:34

And love I love the metaphor of the drop. Because I I remember having a conversation with actually it was Deanne Fitzpatrick, who we've had on the podcast before. And she and I were speaking about a drop versus a boulder that gets in that creates a huge wave. And I think that's what happens when we haven't, we're like a slingshot, right? When we haven't owned our own power ourselves, or we've taken on the projections of other people trying to squash us or keep us quiet, like the Barbie movie, right? You know, of that part that we get into that slingshot mode of that then we have to overcome it. And we we react and we make the bolder, instead of really going inward and owning that power and being vulnerable and collaborative, collaboratively coming together asking for help. How those ripples not only radiate with one ripple but how it inspires all the other droplets to that we can do it beautifully without making a huge a lot of waves and yet make an incredible amount of impact. With less damage and more joy.

Maren Oslac: 38:38

I think that that is the gift of menopause. If there Yeah, I mean, like, we think of all of the challenges of menopause. And there are and we have a whole book about them your wonderful book, Dr. Rosie and I do want to talk about the those and that book and the owning of our power of, when we're younger we tend to be the boulder. We plow through, we're the bull in the china shop and the wisdom that we glean through our years and then getting to that place of ownership of like you know what, I'm really valuable and I don't need to prove to anyone and I can just be it. That is what is going to change the world. That is all of the the small drops instead of the boulder that going to empty out the pond, right. So it's just we do need to address, we do need to talk about and bring to the forefront the challenges of medica menopause in order for us to own our gifts around it. And that's one of the things, one of the reasons, just one of the many. And I think our listeners are gathering that, like, I think they've all fallen in love with you too. So one of the reasons that Stephanie and I fell in love with you is like, you have so much that you've brought to the table and your book being one of them. Can you tell us a little bit about the book? And, you know, what you see as kind of why you wrote it and its purpose in the world.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 40:30

Thank you. Well, the the book is called Approaching the Pause. And it's on Candid Conversations on the journey towards menopause. So perhaps if I start about my why. You find that what I was finding is, okay, so maybe I'll just tell you, it's, what it is, is, it's the a number of different symptoms that women may experience as they go through this transitional time, and beyond into the fabulous time of their life, their third act. And there were many people that I was seeing in my consulting room that just didn't understand what was happening as they were moving through their midlife years. And, and so if I may, there's, there's a number of symptoms that people might experience, you know, their heart, they might get some palpitations, they might be having escalating nervousness or anxiety, they may be feeling more irritable with mood swings, there's the hot flashes that we've talked about the night sweats, which are hot flashes that are occurring nights, there's disrupted sleep, about 60% of women will actually experiences as they move through this time. And, you know, there's the, I call it drama down under, their symptoms, you know, with low libido and vaginal dryness, and, you know, so there's a whole lot of different symptoms or experience that women may experience. And many women would say, Oh, I didn't know that that was part of what was going on. And there was one particular lady I remember, I'd been seeing her for about five years, and I thought we had a really good, professional relationship. And this particular day, I said to her, I was just going through, so you know, are you having any leakage when you're laughing, jumping,sneezing? And she said, Yes. And I said, Oh, okay, so how long have you Has that been going on for you? And she said, for years, and I was just, I felt so badly for her and badly for me that I hadn't actually asked that question specifically, and badly for her that she had felt really embarrassed. Because I'd said, I'm curious, why hadn't we talked about this, and she said, because I was really embarrassed. And so I recognize that there's, there are so many women out there that are experiencing symptoms that they may not attribute to this changing time in their life. And, or they're too embarrassed to talk about it. And these women that I've seen it, or even too embarrassed to talk about it to their intimate partners as well. So they're feeling really isolated. And so that was my reason of why to get this out there. And to make it less taboo, you know, because it has been a taboo subject. So to really get it out there and to change, to have these really candid conversations about things that may set feel uncomfortable, or embarrassing, and to do that, and so what happens, so that's my part of it. And I wrote this book with Joanne Vines. And she is a friend of mine, and she and I and a couple of other business ladies get together about once a month and we just, we're great buddies. And we talk about, you know, deescalate about the business side of life and the challenges that we might be having. And at one of these dinners, Joanne started to talk about her experience of starting to go through menopause. And, and she is really very funny and, and she in the book

Stephanie Allen: 44:27

I just want to say, reading your book, I so want to meet her. I'm like she's she's, she's my person, like Yeah, I think I think she she came right out of my mouth. Like I'm like, I I love her. She's hysterical.

Maren Oslac: 44:41

She is hysterical, can be very fun. It could be a very dry, dry subject, no pun intended. Oh my God, it was hilarious.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 44:51

She is absolutely hilarious. And I think that would be fantastic, if we did another one that we have, you know, Joanne comes in here and yeah. May I just read one little short bit of hers? just it's just a little paragraph. This is about she, we've got an error on weight gain. And we've called it middle tire disease. This is from Joanne, you know, like the Michelin tire because things shift. Anyway, she says, she says, Did you know there's a control garment for every part of a woman's body, from her neck down to her knees, including a G string. I know this because I have them all including the boy leg, the full brief, the half brief, the skirt, the full dress, the under the bust to knee and even the under the bust over the shoulder to the knee in two colors, beige and black. Yeah, so and then she goes on that, you know, in your, I called it shapeware in my 30s, which was used to achieve no underline, underwear line, controlware in my 40s to pull in a few extra bumps I had acquired over the previous decade. And now in my 50s, it's miracleware. Having worn these elasticized straitjackets for the past 20 years, I now pray, I'll pray for a miracle that they will fit and perform the magic they claim to do. I agree. So the way that we've looked at many of the different symptoms that women may experience in their midlife is in this transition. There's periods, contraception, weight gain, or middle tire disease, mood swings, dryness, itchy skin, hot flashes, you know, insomnia, vaginal dryness note low libido, the waterworks. And, and so, you know, there's a whole lot. So what happens is, Joanne has her dear diary, which is I've just read just a little tiny expert, x, sorry, excerpt. And, and then she writes, so her how it affects her. Then she writes a dear Dr. Rosie letter to me with about three or four questions that she would like to be, to have answered. And then I answered that question in that dear Jo letter. So and hopefully using those in a conversational way. And then at the end of each chapter, there is a fast facts. So I've really narrowed down all the key points that deal with that particular symptom. And that way, when a woman or a person reads the book, they can either you know, go from start to finish, or they can just read what really concerns them. And then they may dive in and, you know, read, Dear Diary, Joanne's because it helps women to feel like we're not alone. And that was one of the big purposes, to give you, from my point of view, some information, you know, that helps improve your health literacy. And then you can go along to your doctor and have a bit of a chat about what might be concerning you if you need to, or I've given a whole suite of options, from lifestyle recommendations to, you know, some of the nutritional and herbal supplements that are available. So a whole smorgasbord of options that you might like to, to investigate. So

Stephanie Allen: 48:17

that I love it. And I think it's such a great handbook on how to love ourselves through this, and to empower ourselves to the wisdom that we really, truly are. And I think there might even be another book that you could do, Rosie, and you and I talked about this, it's, you know, men in our lives. It's like, how do they understand what we're going through. And I also believe that men go through it, whether it's, you know, directly or indirectly, they're going through it, because if they're a part of our lives, they're going through it, because they have to, and I think there's a whole handbook there on how to understand us how to work with us through that work, and learning how to be in a leadership role. Like, I mean, there was another excerpt of Jo, that that talks about, you know, having a massive hot flash, thank God, she says, she's wearing black and I'm like, Oh, I cannot tell you. You know, here I am, you know, having hot flashes, and I'm like, measuring them, almost like contractions going. Okay, I'm having one every 20 minutes. It's lasting. It's so intense. I'm dripping and working on clients. And here it is during COVID. And I'm dripping sweat. This is not professional. And then what goes on inside me is so not so loving, really, what's going on? And it's, so it's like if that's going inside of me and then I'm in reaction to it, it's like how do we how do we move this up in another level, mentally, emotionally and spiritually? And I think when other people are around us, and so to say, Oh, well, she's just going through the change. Okay, I can't stand that. I was like, you know, when you're younger and you're going through menses, we would call it you know, the curse and I'm like, gosh, we, I am about the empowerment of the feminine, whether you are have chosen your identity as a male or a female, or whatever you've chosen, we still have those energies of male and female energies within us. And we've been so cultured in our, in our societies that it's the masculine energy that is, is, is important. And yet, that's like saying, Our exhale is more important than our inhale, we have not addressed what the feminine energies are, to actually look within ourselves and to love ourselves and to not feel shame about what's going on, like you expressed about your patient. Shame is so pervasive, and it separates us and it disconnects us and yet, we all are going through some level of something. And it's like, the more we can be vulnerable, you said, Maren, the vulnerability, that's actually what brings us together, and it doesn't mean that you're a hot mess. Even though you know, we're a hot mess, but it doesn't have to have that way that being vulnerable, in a place of leadership is coming actually, from a place of love and courage. And and of, you know, from what you have shared with us, and how and where you are now and where you're going, I think we could do so many podcasts with you. You have a lot to share. And I'm so grateful that you're here that you've given us the time to really understand this topic that is really not, you know, researched and expressed and acknowledged, as sacred. That it so is.

Maren Oslac: 51:37

Yeah, so I love the fact that you're addressing it from a sacred place. So yes, I agree. Thank you. Thank you. So Dr. Rosie, I know that a lot of our listeners are like, Okay, so tell us how we can get in touch with her. And something that Stephanie mentioned earlier, you have 10 commandments, can you tell us about the 10 commandments? And then tell us how our listeners can get the 10 commandments and get in touch with you?

Dr. Rosie Ross: 52:05

Thank you. Okay, well, this is what I share with my lovely clients, my patients, when they're going through a difficult time, and even when they're not going through a difficult time, because I think it's really beneficial. It's called the 10 commandments for reducing stress, and it's attributed to Hillary. Yeah, so I'll read, number one, Thou shalt not be perfect, nor even tried to be. Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people. Do you want me to read the lot or? No? Do you want me to read?

Stephanie Allen: 52:46

Oh, yes. Do you want me to

Maren Oslac: 52:48

I think that people can actually download that from your website, can't they?

Dr. Rosie Ross: 52:53

Yeah, they can. Yeah, yeah. So if I can give them

Maren Oslac: 52:57

the little teaser there and let them go download

Dr. Rosie Ross: 53:00

All right, so let me give you a couple of my favorites. This is the 10 commandments for reducing stress. Number one, Thou shalt not be perfect, nor even try to be at many times. Yeah, guilty. So I read that a lot. Number five, thou shalt Learn to say no. I think that's a really important one I actually get my patients to, I've got a mirror in my room. And we go over to the mirror, and I get them to practice saying, no, no,

Maren Oslac: 53:31

I love that.

Dr. Rosie Ross: 53:32

No, no, because it's something that we don't necessarily hear or feel comfortable with. So I get them to really practice in front of the mirror. And the 10 commandments for reducing stress is a downloadable PDF that I encourage you to stick on your mirror, so you can see it and maybe another one on your fridge so you're, anybody else living in, you know the house with you or that wherever you live can hear that as well. Can can look at that as well. So and the way that you can access is that is go to www.DrRosieRoss.com. And there is a spot on there where you can just enter your your name and your email, and you'll be able to get these as well as a series of day by day, the 10 commandments. So I've expanded a bit on each of them that only takes about two or three minutes for each of them. And hopefully, it will be of service to you and assist you in your life. Yeah.

Maren Oslac: 54:36

They're beautiful. And I love the little videos that goes with them each day. So I do. I downloaded it I haven't posted in my house and I've been watching the videos. I'm a, I'm a groupie, I suppose. I would also remind our listeners that all of the links are in our show notes. So You'll get a link for the where you can go to get the 10 commandments and also where you can go to find Dr. Rosie's amazing book that we talked about, Approaching the Pause. Thank you so much for joining us today. Dr. Rosie. I do think that there are many more conversations in our future. So hopefully you'll come back and be a guest on our show again. Thank you

Dr. Rosie Ross: 55:27

so much a real honor. Thank you.

Stephanie Allen: 55:30

It's been great. Thank you. Thank you.

Maren Oslac: 55:32

Thank you. Excellent. So don't forget that you can find us in on LinkedIn, and YouTube and Facebook under the Soulful Leaders. And we will see you all next week on the Soulful Leader podcast. Thanks for joining us.

Stephanie Allen: 55:57

And that wraps up another episode of the soulful leader podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen

Maren Oslac: 56:03

and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website at thesoulfulleader podcast.com.

Stephanie Allen: 56:13

Until next time,