“If I'm still for a moment, I'm procrastinating - and I feel guilty.” How often have you thought that?
Our culture worships ‘doing’ and ‘being busy’. There are volumes and volumes of books, blogs, vlogs and more on how to beat procrastination. You can’t turn around without bumping into one.
What if they, all those talking heads, aren’t quite right? What if we are actually keeping ourselves so busy in our lives that we never get a chance to look inside, to be with ourselves, to learn who we really are and what we want? What if procrastination, stopping for a moment, being still, were actually a benefit, something to be cultivated?
In this entertaining episode, Stephanie and Maren
The only way to hear your inner guidance is to stop. Somebody on the outside might call that procrastination, it’s not. It's being present. ~ Maren Oslac
LINKS
06:17 Ep 86 Your Inner Pharmacy
Please share your insights and questions in one of our Soulful Leaders groups:
Get all the latest episodes, news and updates directly to your inbox. Subscribe here. TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com
Watch the podcasts on our YouTube Channel: @Soulful Leaders
“If I'm still for a moment, I'm procrastinating - and I feel guilty.” How often have you thought that?
Our culture worships ‘doing’ and ‘being busy’. There are volumes and volumes of books, blogs, vlogs and more on how to beat procrastination. You can’t turn around without bumping into one.
What if they, all those talking heads, aren’t quite right? What if we are actually keeping ourselves so busy in our lives that we never get a chance to look inside, to be with ourselves, to learn who we really are and what we want? What if procrastination, stopping for a moment, being still, were actually a benefit, something to be cultivated?
In this entertaining episode, Stephanie and Maren
The only way to hear your inner guidance is to stop. Somebody on the outside might call that procrastination, it’s not. It's being present. ~ Maren Oslac
LINKS
06:17 Ep 86 Your Inner Pharmacy
Please share your insights and questions in one of our Soulful Leaders groups:
Get all the latest episodes, news and updates directly to your inbox. Subscribe here. TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com
Watch the podcasts on our YouTube Channel: @Soulful Leaders
In a world where achievements and accolades motivate us to do more and be more, we're often left wondering, is this really it?
Stephanie Allen:deep inside, you know, there is more to life, you're ready to leave behind the old push your way through, and claim the deeper life that's calling you. That's where we excel. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen,
Maren Oslac:and Maren Oslac.
Stephanie Allen:And this is the soulful leader podcast,
Maren Oslac:sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've uncovered to help you make shift happen.
Stephanie Allen:Hi, welcome to the soulful leader podcasts is Stephanie. And I'm here with Maren, and I'd like to talk a little bit about something that's been up for me a lot. I'm a very strong, willful person. And it occurred to me many times that, you know, this is a part of myself, it's not all of me, but it's a part of myself that has, that I've created to be able to protect myself from when I don't feel safe. And I don't just mean safe in the way of physical but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, sometimes you just feel a little vulnerable, you feel a little scared to put yourself out there. And so one of the practices that I have is, is telling the universe what, you know, what I want. And what has been occurred to me is that I have this real negative view around procrastination, I think, you know, you gotta, you gotta get things done. You don't want to waste time, you don't want to waste energy, your life is so precious. But at the same time, that can be coming from this adaptation of this willful forcing, figuring it out, this old adaptation that I have practiced most of my life. So when I look at sitting still, which, by the way, is a very hard thing for me to do. And I know, I've had many of my friends and clients who say, it's really hard just to sit still and do nothing. I feel like I'm wasting time I feel like I should be getting something done, or I should be doing something else with my time. And, you know, we tend to label that as procrastination, or I don't know, laziness
Maren Oslac:being lazy. yeah, right.
Stephanie Allen:Yeah. Yeah. And and so, just sharing with Maren and I, we were talking earlier, we'd like to talk a little bit about procrastination, or is it process and presence? And so let's talk a little bit about this Maren of like, you know, what is procrastination? And, you know, how could it be a good thing in that way?
Maren Oslac:Well, I like what you said about, you know, being willful, a strong, willful person. And I think in our culture, when when there are these labels, you know, I mean, like procrastination in our culture is labeled as a quote unquote, bad thing. And there's volumes of books that are written around how to help you to not procrastinate, how to get you off the couch, how to, and there is a good reason for that. Right, that that's something that, it's not that it's an it's a non-issue. It just is that I think it's become a pendulum that's swung way too far on the other side. And I think that what you were talking about earlier of it being a defense mechanism of protection from this, like, going inward, which also is interesting, because it's kind of taboo in our culture, too. Yeah. Right. It's, and maybe that's why procrastination has become such a best selling book, you know, blogs, and there's all this stuff about how can we keep ourselves so busy in our lives, that we never have to look inside, we never have to be vulnerable, we never have to feel unsafe. And
Stephanie Allen:or, if we're sitting still, having all of that stuff that we've stuffed inside of ourselves start to come up. And we're like, oh, I don't like being still it's really uncomfortable. My mind doesn't like it. Well, of course, it doesn't
Maren Oslac:right,
Stephanie Allen:you know, because you have an untrained mind. We all do, we all do. And that's the whole process of sitting still and watching the mind rather than believing it or running off with it. It is a practice. And if we've never practiced something, of course, you're not going to be great at it. Why would we? And as you grow and evolve, we keep stepping out and stepping up. We're going to be in places we haven't been before. So instead of labeling it as procrastination or laziness or whatever we call it. You know, one of our teachers is, with Maren and I, has been helping us work with presencing. Like, just being a witness, not naming anything, just witnessing what is and allowing that to create space. And this is another whole thing around takings capacity and space, too, right. It's like, if we don't sit still and look inside, if we don't take our time to actually slow down and stop pushing and doing and, you know, all the things in the outer world, there is no space, you haven't cleaned out the internal.
Maren Oslac:So I think one of the conversations I think is important to have is, so what's the benefit? I mean, we know the benefit of staying busy is that we we get to be successful, we get to be, you know, pat ourselves on the back for saying how much we've done in a day, we get to, you know, feel like oh, well, I'm one of I'm a, I'm a, I'm an achiever, I've I do things I make things happen in the world, so
Stephanie Allen:well, and it also keeps us on high alert to not give energy to that which is going to distract us. it says, I have limited time, so I gotta focus on this.
Maren Oslac:It also gives us an adrenaline rush. And it gives us the dopamine and all the the internal chemicals that we've talked about, there's a podcast we did, which I will link in the show notes around all the chemicals that we get. There's also so those are kind of the benefits of staying busy and believing, which is being, be-living, right. This what I think of now as a lie of procrastination is a bad thing. But when we buy into that we get all of these benefits from it. There's also a cost to it. So the cost of believing be living and believing the fact that procrastination, we shouldn't do it, it's a bad thing. It's it's not process. What are you talking about, Stephanie? It's not it's not a process, you're just procrastinating. Right? When we buy into that the cost is our adrenals. our health, our relationships, our, essentially our relationship with ourself, because like you said, it becomes a defense mechanism. And we don't get that opportunity to slow down and hear our own true voice, not the voice, the itty bitty shitty committee that is telling us all the things that society wants us to know, our own voice, the only way we can hear our
Stephanie Allen:the deep self,
Maren Oslac:yeah
Stephanie Allen:the soul.
Maren Oslac:The only way to hear that is to stop. And somebody on the outside world or you yourself might call that procrastination, and is not. It's being present.
Stephanie Allen:I had I had a really interesting person share with me one time he said, you know, a lot of times, people think, you know, telling the universe what you want or asking, you know, just tell spirit, hey, I want this and it'll happen. He said, You know, it's a spirit in the universe is not a drive thru. Like, you know, I want to burgers and fries, please. It's not a spiritual drive through. And yes, yes, we do need to ask for what we want. Absolutely. But we also need to create that space to also have the reflection back to us. And so if you don't have a place within yourself to rest and slow down, and listen, you don't have a process with that, then you're probably going to call it procrastination. Because you got to get shit done, right? You got to get out there, make things happen. But if you're saying, Hey, I don't know what the highest and best and truest ideal for me is, I kind of would like this, this would be an ideal. And I'm also open to having a conversation to what maybe spirit or the universe wants for me. Because if we have a belief, that spirit or the universe, whatever name you want to call it, God, the divine, whatever name works for you, if we have a belief system that either that doesn't exist for us, there is no existential, you know, reason for being, then you probably won't ask and you probably won't slow down and you probably won't listen, to be able to what the answer is. You probably don't have a process. Or if you believe that, that that higher power, that Divine is not friendly, or not kind or loving or available to you. You probably also won't take the time to sit in and listen and so we have to change like you were saying that be-lieving, that belief, so that we can be-lieving and be-living a different outcome. And we've got to shift it from, well, what if there was such a loving presence that's cares so much for and knows your reason for being knows who you are, why you're here, your gifts, your strengths, your potentials, and they were totally there for you, they were totally present and loving for you, then you'd want to have a conversation with him, instead of just trying to control that presence and say, hey, I want this and spiritual drive thru, I want this and I want that and then be really ticked off that you didn't get, you know, all the fixings on your burger, or you got somebody else's order, or whatever, right? Like, yeah I love that example we set ourselves up for
Maren Oslac:let's use that example for a moment of like, so if I do think of, and there's this whole manifestation thing of like, if the universe loves me, then I will get, you know, a Roy's Rolls Royce in my driveway tomorrow, or whatever it is that I wanted to manifest, right. And there's, again, a ton of books and courses on this and you know, the manifestation thing. And that is treating the universe like a spiritual drive through, right? And I get it, because that's how we're raised, we're raised in a culture that says, Show me, prove it to me. So if the universe loves me, if God loves me, if this, if, it's an if-then rule, then I will get and then you will fix my you know, my broken toe, or you will provide X amount of money and, and then it doesn't happen, and then we get pissed off. And, and we missed what you were talking about earlier of like, I think of it as a conversation of, I want to be in a conversation with a being that knows more than I do. And I call that the universe, Spirit, God, whatever. So I think of my drive through my spiritual drive thru, as and, you and I were talking about this earlier, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna share this with the audience of like, if I think of it more of the person who was taking my order knows more about me, in the spiritual drive thru, then I actually know about myself. So if I drive up, and I was like, two burgers and fries, please. And they were like, well, you know, what's your, what is it that you want? Are you just trying to like, grab some food and you're in a rush? Or did you want something healthy? Or did you like, what would it be like to be in a conversation with spirit, with that being, that that drive thru? Well, gosh, I hadn't thought about that. How about I want something, what else do you got? What else do you have back there? Besides burgers and fries? You know. What, maybe, maybe I do want something else. Maybe I I thought I didn't want that. But maybe I do. And, you know, so now I'm, I'm delving more deeply. And that, when you were talking about process earlier, to me, that's not something that we're taught to do. We're not taught to explore what might be our options with spirit. Mm,
Stephanie Allen:for ourselves, or for ourselves. And it's like, you're supposed to just know. Yeah, and then and then when we don't know, we feel like we're a failure. And so we have this relationship with the unknown when we say, Oh, it's scary. I had a conversation with a client today about the unknown. And I was saying, you know, what's your relationship with the unknown? Or with darkness? And she goes, Oh, I've always been scared of it, you know, afraid of the dark. I said, so what is it? So, Is it the dark you're afraid of? Or is it the belief that you have about the dark? And she goes, well what what do you mean? I said, Well, you know, all things are born out of darkness. And dark is the totality of all color actually. So it holds, darkness holds all possibilities. And, and so your belief if you believe darkness is bad, you probably are going to focus your awareness on seeing that. And so yeah, she goes, Yeah, I believe that, in the dark, you know, the boogey man is going to come and get me or whatever, right. Like I'm, it's scary, because I'm going to be not safe. And I said, so. You know, how does your body respond to that? And then what are your behaviors and what are your you know, then then your actions and your choices are totally, totally oriented from this scary dark place? Instead of it what I said it's like, what if you were surprised and delighted? What if I if anything could happen in the darkness like beautiful possibilities? So do we have a practice of just being in the unknown in the unfamiliar and so coming back to the spiritual drive thru again, instead of going up and imagining yourself at a at a drive thru and ordering yeah, this is what I want. I know what I want. If there was some space to say, you know, Hey, I'd like to have two burgers and fries. But you know, is there something that is even more profound for me to have? Please, what are my other options?
Maren Oslac:Yeah, I love that.
Stephanie Allen:You know, and then and then the Spirit on the other side could say, why is it that you want burgers and fries? Is it something that you've just been told you should have? Or is it something that you're longing for? And why are you longing? like asking deeper questions. And I'm bringing all this up because if we are with this with ourselves, if we're so demanding, and rigid, and controlling and manipulating, with what we think we should or shouldn't do, how are we in the outer world, with other people? With our relationships? and so as leaders, whether you're a parent, whether you're a CEO, whether you're a manager, you know, whatever it is, in a leadership role, if there's no space for a dialogue, for a conversation of a what-if conversation, then there's no space for growth, there's no space for possibility, and creativity and resourcefulness. Because I can tell you, when two people come together, and it's actually good that when you don't agree, but if you can disagree, and also agree that there might be even something better that's calling to you and go there. It will transcend and include both of the people's needs that are coming together. But this is the road less traveled. And there needs to be a process for this. And it isn't procrastination, not to automatically say yes, or automatically say no, or whatever. It's like, can you sit with the unknown? And in doing so, you're going to need to read, you know, redo the narrative of what the unknown is to you. So many people, so many people, you know, who are pregnant or wanting to find out the sex of their baby. And I'm not saying that's good, bad, right or wrong? And just like, wow, what are we believing about the surprise? of the unknown? Like, you know, do we believe I, I've talked to so many people and they're like, Well, I don't like surprises, surprises are scary. You know, I don't, I want to be prepared. Well, is it being prepared so you could figure everything out and never, You know, I don't understand that. I mean, I do, and I don't. I do, and I don't.
Maren Oslac:Well, I only think that this is part of why we are doing things differently, is in the past it's actually worked to, to try and figure things out. And I think COVID really showed us that no matter how quote unquote, prepared you are, something's gonna come along, and you now you're not, you're suddenly not. You know, you're gonna have all the stuff that you know that you've built that you've done that you've, and it can be wiped out in a moment. Right. So true preparedness going forward looks different than it did five years ago, 10 years ago, 50 years ago.
Stephanie Allen:This is a great conversation right here. Preparedness. I love what you're saying. Because it is it is different. And we tend to think of preparedness as a physical preparation. You, recently we had a storm watch coming through, we were supposed to get a hurricane. And in some areas did get effects of the hurricane. Now where I live, we've had hurricanes, and they've been pretty horrific in the last few years. And it's taken out a lot of life and limbs. And it's been it's been pretty rough. So when we got the call this time, yes, we're being prepared for another hurricane, people panicked, people panicked. It's all about going to the store and consume, buy all the groceries. You can stock up, and there's nothing wrong with that. But what I'm seeing is like, can we go deeper than the preparedness and prepare ourselves mentally, emotionally, spiritually, that is the true resiliency. So when I was leading a yoga class the other day, we were talking about this. And I said, you know, there's a saying, and it says, The saying goes like this, it says, Believe in Allah and tie your camel. So it's like put your faith and trust in spirit in and that there is a higher order to all things and prepare yourself by being still and listening. not reacting, not not, you know, rebelling against it. Not react not pushing it away, but actually being with what is and paying attention. And, you know, tie your camel means, you know, go get some canned goods and make sure you've got some water in the bathtub in case we lose, you know, the power to support water. You know, do what you need to do. Doesn't mean you have to come from fear and anxiety and doubt and worry. I Those chemicals are so addictive, and so detrimental to one's not only physical well being, but mental emotional in our relationships. So to be able to hold both, and that does take a process.
Maren Oslac:And what's interesting is it's the same process. It's a process of presence that we're talking about with procrastination or the belief around, if I'm still for a moment, I'm procrastinating. Yeah. And in order to deepen the conversation within yourself, which is going to allow you to get past the belief that procrastination is, is somehow like, or that whatever stillness is, is procrastination is a bad thing, and will also allow you more preparedness than any run to the store could ever give you. And that practice is presence. So one of the things that I had started to do, I was perpetually late, I was always running late. And at one point, one of my spiritual coaches had said, if you're, if you don't take time between in the transitions, like if I'm going from one meeting to the next, or if I'm going from working on my computer into doing a podcast, whatever the transition is, if I don't take time in between, to actually gather myself and transition, then I've got all of this bleed through that's coming through. And I'm not actually able to be present in my next thing, because I still have the prior thing running. And I was like, Oh, that's not true. And then I started to, like, be like, well, what if that is true, and I'm just not aware of it. So then I decided I wanted to create a practice for myself of transitions. And that meant that I had to become not just on time, but early. So I had to go from being somebody who was perpetually late to somebody who would get there early. And I did that because it meant something to me, because it, I wanted a new identity, one that was going to empower me. And what I do when I get there early, I now get to just about everything that I do at least a minute or two early, and sometimes a lot more. And I do nothing. I sit in presence. I don't think about my upcoming meeting, I'm not outwardly prepping, I'm not thinking about what I'm going to say, all of those, like, what we think of preparedness, things that we do, I don't do them, I stop. And I just am present for at least a minute. And if I can't, if I've only got 10 seconds, I do the 10 seconds, whatever it is, I stopped for a moment. It's like, you know, in, in food, they have palate cleansers. In between meals, you have a palette, it's like a palate cleanser, in between each of my items through the day. And it is a practice that builds presence.
Stephanie Allen:And so when you're saying this, what I'm also imagining is making space being present to the space, which is where the dialogue and the conversation happens with your deep self and with life. And if you're not present, that's why we call it presence. If you're not creating a presence practice, you won't be present to all the signs and the wonders and the guidance, and the beautiful delights that life wants to give to you.
Maren Oslac:Right, you'll be thinking, shoot, the spiritual drive through gave me onions on my burger and I didn't want onions on my burger. Instead of realizing that there was this entire buffet that you could have chosen from an instead you got onions on your burger.
Stephanie Allen:And you say spirit obviously doesn't listen to me and spirit abandoned my needs. And we put all of these different aspects out on it. And that's what we do to people to instead of saying wait a minute did I, was it, did I make the space to even have a relationship here with this so that we could dance together in this and and and cultivate and create and collaborate a whole new way of being present?
Maren Oslac:And that that simple practice is, part of the reason that I've I created that practice for myself was so that it wasn't, I have a spiritual practice that I do every morning and I have some that I do every night and I wanted something that was consistent through my day that brought me back to the ground of being, to that deep moment in self, to presence. And so that gives me that throughout the day, just moments of like, Oh yeah, I'm more than just this body suit. You know, I'm a divine being, in this embodying this in, you know, inhabiting Jean Houston what does she say? a Divine Being inhabiting this body suit for for a moment or something along those lines. Didn't do it justice, sorry, Jean. But that practice, it also develops the unknown that you were talking about, of that fear of the unknown. If we take moments through the day to start to, in small chunks, expose ourselves to I don't know, the complete unknown, letting the mind be quiet for a moment. Letting the body be quiet for a moment. It starts to build a resonance. And now, you know, sitting and meditating for five minutes in the morning might not be a bad thing anymore might not be so hard. Because we're developing that relationship with ourselves with our own deep self with the unknown with spirit, you know,
Stephanie Allen:and challenge, challenge that belief of what you're telling yourself about the unknown, challenge the like, really look and say, Well, what makes me believe that, like, how long have I been believing that and how is that serving me? Or is it serving? Probably not. You know, what if you let go of that belief that the unknown or surprise, or any of those things were, like the darkness, were scary? What if there was that, what if that wasn't even true?
Maren Oslac:I love that. So thanks for joining us. You have lots of things to think about and ponder for this week. We would love to hear your comments either on our LinkedIn page or our Facebook page. You can find that at the soulful leaders. And remember that you can always watch our little talking heads on our YouTube channel, also at the soulful leaders. We'll see you all next week on the soulful leader podcast.
Stephanie Allen:And that wraps up another episode of the soulful leader podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen,
Maren Oslac:and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website at the soulful leader podcast.com.
Stephanie Allen:Until next time,