Your Soul Is Calling, Are You Too Busy

You wake up with a laundry list of things to get done, grab a cup of coffee and jump in. There’s no space to ask the BIG questions like, ‘is this what I’m on this planet to accomplish?’ or ‘Is this why I’m here?’ You’ve just got to get through the day. 

What if we keep ourselves busy and distracted so that we feel important and don’t have to go any deeper?

What if society’s ‘chase’ game keeps us from the real meaning in our lives? Chase the next thing, the next accolade, the next accomplishment - and we keep chasing. The thing is, at some point, we get there. We achieve it all - only to realize none of it is what we were really seeking. 

Do you want to find that out now? Or after years of chasing?
There is a shortcut. 

In today’s passionate podcast, Maren and Stephanie show how listening to our soul’s calling and doing “what's ours to do” is actually the shortcut to fulfillment - and it’s not just finding your meaning, but you get to live it abundantly, joyfully and spaciously!

• 00:41 chasing the prize, busy with the next thing
• 03:55 do all the work, or take the shortcut
• 06:10 who is showing up?
• 12:52 what worked in the past may not work in the future
• 15:51 the one thing
• 20:29 upgrading from the running thoughts and reacting
• 27:11 from chaotic hot mess to guidance, graciousness and kindness

Where are you passionate and feeling called in your life?

TRANSCRIPT

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Transcript

Maren Oslac: 0:04

In a world where achievements and accolades motivate us to do more and be more, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Stephanie Allen: 0:12

deep inside, you know, there is more to life, you're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper life that's calling you.

Maren Oslac: 0:20

That's where we excel. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac.

Stephanie Allen: 0:26

And this is the soulful leader podcast,

Maren Oslac: 0:29

sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've uncovered to help you make shift happen. Welcome to the soulful leader podcast. This is Maren and I'm here with Stephanie. And often as leaders, we have so much that we have to do, like we've got the laundry list, we wake up in the morning with our to do list of like, I gotta get this done. And this done, and this done. And I wonder how often we've actually asked ourselves, what on that list is is truly ours to do? And I'm not talking about from the delegate perspective, that's important. Don't get me wrong, you know, I mean, that, and a lot of leadership, people talk about that of like, you need to be able to delegate and yes, you do. I'm talking about from the deeper space of like, why you're here on this planet. Yeah, little tiny things we're going to talk about today, right? Let's pull out the big guns. Like, what on that to do list has to do with why you're here on the planet?

Stephanie Allen: 1:46

Yeah, because I think a lot of times we can put a lot of things on the to do list that distracts us from that deeper question. Oh, yeah. keep us busy, busy,

Maren Oslac: 1:54

busy,

Stephanie Allen: 1:54

right and distracted and feeling like we are so busy that we are important.

Maren Oslac: 1:59

So the thing, the thing that I've really noticed about that, though, is that we never truly feel important. We, we do all those things. And we keep chasing. It's a chase game, and it turns into a chase game. Because there's always the next thing, the next thing, the next accomplishment, and we keep chasing. And it's interesting, because spiritually, the Sufis say that, go after all of it, like go try to achieve all of it, because at some point, you'll realize you've achieved it all. And it's not actually, none of it is meaningful. It's not like there's still an emptiness.

Stephanie Allen: 2:46

Yeah, it's not bringing you sustenance and joy, right? Because I think we're chasing something so that we feel like we're enough that we feel we've accomplished something. So we reach this state of excellence, or, you know, the big term is, you know, your, your human potential, like reaching. And that seems like there's something outside ourselves to reach towards. And sometimes there is, and I do love that the Sufi say, Yeah, go for it. Because you'll, you'll get there. And then you'll realize, oh, this is it? That's all there is? I'm still empty. I'm still like, now what? And that's an important question. Like, now what or who are you meant to become, is a deeper and more inward question. And I, you know, in a world today where the pandemic has left us lonely, so lonely, yeah. And isolated, that I think we're hungrier than we've ever been. And in that, what I mean by that is like, the hunger and the not knowing evermore, it's like what I thought to be true is no longer satisfying me anymore. So now exactly. what?

Maren Oslac: 3:55

The old paradigm of what I think of as my parents And you have no job and you have no, it's like, the paradigm, that if you get a job with a corporation, you'll work your lifetime, you'll get a pension, you'll retire. And that's kind of the the ideal, you know, like broad brush strokes. And that obviously, has changed over the years. And then I think the pandemic made a huge shift, like, even the next old paradigm isn't working and to go back to the Sufi saying of iteration, which was maybe not working for somebody else, but I'll work for myself, I'll become successful. I'll create my own IRA. And now all of a sudden, then, like, the pandemic hits and IRAs are wiped out. You know, like, yeah, achieve everything you can achieve, because you'll find out that that's not where the satisfaction actually is.

Stephanie Allen: 4:59

So where is the satisfaction?

Maren Oslac: 5:00

So where is it? Right? Do you have to do you have to take the long route of trying to achieve all of that, of like doing? This is what I said at the beginning of we wake up with our to do lists, and how much of that to do list is literally ours to do. The stuff that will give us, what I mean by that is, when we're doing what's ours to do, we will find the meaning, we we that is the route to the satisfaction. That is the finding the the true gem inside and being like, oh, and being able to rest inside.

Stephanie Allen: 5:41

Yeah, because what you're saying, it's not even so much what we're doing, it's who shows up and how we are doing it. It's, you know, and why we're doing it. We haven't explored those other questions to go deeper.

Maren Oslac: 5:55

Right

Stephanie Allen: 5:55

It's just one more thing on our to do lists

Maren Oslac: 5:57

to talk about that. Because when, you know, like somebody in the audience might be like me, like, What do you mean, who shows up? You need my plumber? Did they show up? When you say who shows up? You're talking about inner who so talk to us about that,

Stephanie Allen: 6:10

Yeah, so you know, here's, here's an interesting, I, you know, work a lot with trauma and addictions. In my, in my practice, I'm talking about my actual business practice, as well as my spiritual practice. But, you know, I was speaking with someone the other day, and they were sharing about how they were struggling with both their their children and their grandchildren suffering from addictions. And they didn't know what to do. Like they've been giving them money, they've been trying to rescue, which is essentially what we call in the 12 step program enabling. And it was constantly distracting her from taking care of herself, this this, this mother, grandmother, and she was suffering with a huge amount of pain in her body. And I said, you know, maybe the pain is giving you permission to ask for help for yourself to stop and actually surrender and allow, you know, something greater than your ego to take care of it. And she goes, what do you mean, my ego, I said, we get so we get so identified that we think everything is our fault, right. And that was one of the hidden beliefs that she had is that it must be my fault that I, you know, I raised this family that way, that that's why they're choosing the addictions. And I'm like, do you really believed that to be true?

Maren Oslac: 7:32

We're taught that, Right. We are taught that.

Stephanie Allen: 7:35

Over responsibility, and I said, whether that's true or not true, really, how does that make you feel in your body? Is that really true? And when you believe that thought, how do you behave? What happens? How does it unfold? And, you know, she was like, Well, I don't breathe, I tense up my muscles, I react. And I said, maybe that's the neck pain that you've got, you know, it's like, really, and I'm laughing in the way of, I can relate myself, I get caught in stinking thinking, I get caught in a belief system that literally controls me. And I have given up my freewill, my sovereignty to a stupid belief system. That's not even true. That is completely managing my life for me. But the only way that I can let that go, is I have to surrender to something greater, something more beautiful, something more loving. Because I will not surrender if I don't feel safe. I will try to control and manipulate - those are the patterns that we often do. And so I say, who shows up? So one of the things that we shared about I, she said, You know, I love my daughter, but right now I don't like her at all. And I said, Whoa, okay, hang on. You know, there's many different parts of us. I said, so you have this wonderful daughter, tell me about her. And she's saying how wonderful she wasn't talented and creative. And those are some of the her her attributes her great qualities. She was but I don't like her when she's drinking or when she's doing drugs. And I said, you realize that that's not her, right? She goes What do you mean, that's not her? That's the addiction, we have to separate this. It's like, who shows up? so I could say my reactive self shows up, or I could say my, my playful child shows up, or my, my lover shows up, or my queen or king, my noble Self shows up. So I have this whole inner world inside all of us, we all do. We have this whole inner world that we have many different characters. And when we are in relationship with something or someone, those characters come up to play. And you probably can remember that, you know, know this, you know, Maren, that you are probably different with your husband than you are with a stranger. Obviously, you know, there's going to be a different quality that comes out that you show this vulnerability or you don't show the vulnerability you have different attributes and different things that you let different levels of people see. And this is important. So when I say I'm in a in a place that I'm reacting or I'm figuring something out, or I'm trying to control or manipulate. I always say, Okay, who, you know who's showing up? I'm like, Oh, that would be scared, Stephanie. She's about six, right now. And she's really trying to hold everything together because she doesn't feel safe. So she's not going to show anybody that she's vulnerable. Which, by the way, you know, that's the whole Brene Brown aspect is that you cannot have intimacy without having vulnerability, that those two go and it takes tremendous courage. And so what part of you is going to have to show up inside of you to do X, Y, or Z? You know, so

Maren Oslac: 10:40

I think again, it's like we can relate to that as leaders of oftentimes, we will feel nervous or scared or unprepared or, like, all of a sudden, we're thrown into a situation that's completely unknown. And so we pull on our, our persona of I got this, I'm all I'm all over this. I got this, even though inside, that's like, you're

Stephanie Allen: 11:05

shivering, you're shaking to death. Yeah. And wonder, I mean, we even use those terms, like, you know, come on, man, put your big girl panties on. Now. It's like, and like, Yeah, but you know what, right now I'm in a place I've never been before. And I'm, there's a part of me that's freaked out. It's a part of me

Maren Oslac: 11:22

we do have this opportunity to choose who shows up. There's also how we choose it, of I'm going to slam you into those big girl panties and go get like, go do it, right. Or, it's the compassion of I get it that you're scared. And we need to take this on right now. So maybe a brief conversation or like, hey, let's get some of the other beings that are inside on board of like, you know what, I also need my brothers and my King and my sovereign people. And, like, Let's get together and do this as a community instead of like, Oh, my God, I have to go out there and do this all by myself and go, right.

Stephanie Allen: 12:07

And so what I'm hearing you saying too, is that whole, the willingness, the willingness to be vulnerable, and to not only ask for help, but also receive it. So and that's all wrapped in a big bundle called courage. And to me, that is a higher leader is someone who says, you know, I don't know, I've not been in this place before, or I've been in this place before and it really, it didn't turn out so great. And I, I need some help, because I'm defaulting back on old patterns that didn't work. So to be able to ask for help, and be transparent in the way of saying, you know, when I need help, to me actually elevates a leader, to a whole new place.

Maren Oslac: 12:52

And that, so a couple of things. First of all, those are skills that you can practice, that's not just like you have it or you don't. And they're are also skills that are becoming more and more and more important in leadership, because of what we talked about at the very beginning, like the pandemic, we don't know what's coming, we're going to be thrown into more and more situations that are unknown, we don't know. And what worked in the past won't continue to work.

Stephanie Allen: 13:26

Well, and you know, we talked about preparing physically, you know, prepare physically, whether that's with, you know, food, and I don't know, savings, or like, we tend to look at the physical realm and said, what we're, we're inviting you to do is to prepare, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, which are really the deeper underpinnings that if you can prepare, in really there, the physical will take care of itself. It really does. This is what happens with healing, too. It's like some if you have a cut on your body, if you literally create an environment, and I'm not talking about just surface-ly, but if you create an environment internally, meaning you don't pick at it, you don't worry about it. You don't keep ripping off the bandage going, oh my god, you know, is it healed yet? And you leave it alone, and you eat well, and you think well, and you share with somebody else, hey, look, I hurt my knee, please, you know, be careful that don't bump into me. Like you, you come from that vulnerable place. And you also learn from it of saying, what what happened that I set myself up for that from a place of kindness and love, then you're actually preparing internally, the body will take care of itself, trust me, the body always it always wants to reach homeostasis. And you know, it's exactly the same in this world and the outer world too. But we need to surrender like, we don't figure out how our body is going to heal it. The body already has an innate intelligence to know how to do that. Well, so does our world. It really does have an innate intelligence. We have to let go of course. Well, we have to let go. And in order to do that, we have to trust in something greater than ourselves.

Maren Oslac: 15:07

So you have a an interesting take, I think it's very opposite of what I hear a lot of people talking about, in today's day and age, where the world is on a collision course with disaster, which it could be. And what I hear you saying is that left left to its own devices, if we weren't, right, if we weren't such the problem, the problem if we weren't busy, you know, pouring crap in our oceans and etcetera, etcetera, that the world actually wants to heal itself.

Stephanie Allen: 15:52

100% I mean, look at gardening, you're the gardener Maren. It's like, the garden knows how. When we have, there's such little, such little, I mean, it's important, but there's such little for us to do - the one thing, the most important thing to do.

Maren Oslac: 16:08

And so

Stephanie Allen: 16:09

if we do that one thing that most that what's ours to do, then nature takes care of itself.

Maren Oslac: 16:14

It's so interesting. We are at war with weeds, right? Right, like we've got the world, the war against weeds. Weeds are nature's way of healing. So when a dandelion shows up in your lawn, it's because the roots of your lawn are so short, that the nutrients and all of the mycelium and the stuff in the soil that makes it healthy. It's lacking. Dandelions have deep tap roots. So they come to bring all of the nutrients and all of the, you know, to get water down deeper so that the little bugs come. So like, the weeds that we don't want there are actually, and this is what I was saying earlier of like, when I asked Stephanie, if we got out of the way, each of the plants in nature does a job. And this is what we're saying about ourselves, each of us is here to do our job is to show up 100% in our way, just like a dandelion does. And a dandelion is like okay, I'm going to I'm going to set roots down right here, I don't care if you're using pesticides on your lawn, and then you go out and you spray some more.

Stephanie Allen: 17:43

Because what I'm really hearing you saying is those dandelions, those weeds are actually the healing remedy for the lawn

Maren Oslac: 17:49

they are

Stephanie Allen: 17:50

And instead of accepting them and being with them, and finding a way and not trying to change or fix them or force them but but be present to them, then there's healing that's going to happen.

Maren Oslac: 18:02

So what happens after the dandelions come, if you, if you don't use the chemicals, is now it creates a an environment, you're just talking about that for healing the environment for healing on your skin. That's what it does in your yard, and over time. And you can help it with planting other seeds along with it, you will have wildflowers and what not - what would be a friendly homeostasis environment for the plants and for us, because they're also the foods that are nurturing and healing to us.

Stephanie Allen: 18:40

So this, this really brings up a metaphor that I'm just totally like, pinging with light here right now. Because I'm thinking of individuals, myself included, when I say, oh my gosh, I can't sit still my mind is just going like crazy. Like there's just so many, so much, itty bitty shitty committee going on up there that I am, got my laundry list, and I'm just gonna distract myself with all these things to do so that I don't have to hear the crap that's going on inside myself. But I don't want to have to face it. I don't want to have to deal with it and da da da da. And what I'm hearing you, in the relationship with the gardens in the weeds, is that perhaps that itty bitty shitty committee is actually your remedies? Not that you need to believe them. But that actually if you are hearing them or if you're experiencing them, those doubts those fears that the shoulda, coulda, woulda ought-tos, it's because you have an opportunity to transform them. They're actually becoming your your healing remedy to elevate and evolve you to a whole new thing. And in doing so, this is what I love about this is like there's a saying, again, in Sufis that say you know, when one person goes for their dream when one person goes for their dream 10,000 Other individuals on this planet are liberated to go for theirs. That's how we're all connected. And it's not about one person trying to make somebody else's dream happen. No, it's about you going internally, and working with the weeds inside your own mindset, your own emotions, your own consciousness, and then being able to transform them because in doing so, that becomes the remedy for all others that are being held back too, as well as others are doing the same for you. I love that. It's, it's exciting that way.

Maren Oslac: 20:29

It is exciting that way. And I think of it, you know, when you said that, I was like, oh, shoot, yeah, like a you know, you never drop underneath the noise, dandelion is a doorway, to this whole other healthy way of being for our planet for our, for our plants. And just like, like you said, the, the itty bitty shitty committee, it's a doorway for us. And it's not, as you also said, it's not that you believe it. It's that if you keep yourself so busy that you never hear it. It's like right

Stephanie Allen: 21:06

Or you identify with the noise. Oh, think that that noise is me is Oh, yeah, that thought is me. Yeah, I'm too old, I'm too fat. I'm too tall. I'm too short. I'm too this. I'm too whatever. You know, if we, if we actually identify with that, and see, that's what was happening with my, with my client that I was working with, she was believing that she was, it was her fault that her children and her grandchildren were suffering. And it's like, when you believe that, it's got you, it literally holds your freedom, that you're not free. You're in prison to that thought. And so how do you change it? And one of the things I would say it's a part, just like I said, you know, you may not like your your daughter the way she is, but that's not even your daughter, that's the addiction, you can say, I don't like the addiction, that's a part of her. It's not her. It's like saying someone who has diabetes, Oh, well, you know, I hate them because they have diabetes. Why would you? you know, you might say, I really don't like the diabetes that she's experiencing. That that's probably more true. But you're, you're separating it and I'm saying this because if you try this on, if you say, you know, I'm, it's too late for me, I'm too old, or I'll never have enough or I'm unlovable. You literally just threw the baby out with the bathwater. There is no space. So I would say how does that belief make you feel? And then if you can change rewire it, to say a part of me, a part of me, feels unlovable, right, or part of me, feels like I'm too old, to ever, whatever, then it creates some space. And I think this is a real key in the way of healing, or leading, or being able to show up responsiveness rather than reactivity. Because when we don't have a space, then we react. And that space isn't somebody else giving you the space, that's you giving your own space inside.

Maren Oslac: 23:10

And this is what you were talking about earlier, of who shows up? If you don't have the space to stand back, then

Stephanie Allen: 23:16

Exactly. you go into the reaction mode. And that's not you showing up that's a reaction showing up. And so starting to build in that it like we said earlier, it is a practice, you actually have to practice separating yourself from the reactions. And separating yourself so that you can eventually look at it and say, is that even mine to do because we just automatically go into like, I'll fix it, I'll force it, I'll do whatever it takes. And, and maybe it's not even ours to do right, we become will-full instead of will-ing. And I there's a big difference. It's like that old saying of Thy will be done. And we talked about this, you and I've talked about this before, it's like how easy it is, oh, if it's meant to be it's meant to be. And we just kind of do it, you know, kind of like passively. But if it's meant to be, it requires a practice of willingness to surrender, and to build a presence to something greater than yourself to take it over. And it's not just about ignoring it. Like I have so many people who are trying to get pregnant, for example. And they're they're willful, they're willful, I will get pregnant. I will make this happen. I will do everything I possibly can. I will you know, and that's the passion and the love. That's great. And I often say Go have fun, enjoy, be willing, be willing to be pregnant, but allow it to happen in the right time because the minute you try to force or anything like this, it's just exhausting. You, you basically are not free, you're basically cultivating even more itty bitty shitty committee. Right Which is creating an environment, like we said about the weeds or we say about the minds. Now it's creating toxins. Now it's creating a pesticide, right for it to be receptive. And it's like, you don't want to be doing that. It's like, what what is the practice? How do we do that? I mean, part of it is saying,

Maren Oslac: 25:27

again, Who do you want to be?

Stephanie Allen: 25:29

Right

Maren Oslac: 25:29

Do you want to be the willful person, I will make this happen, or the willing person, I'm willing to allow it to happen, it will happen in its right time. And in the meantime, I'm going to have fun. I mean, come on, right? Have having fun making that happen, that would be a good thing to do.

Stephanie Allen: 25:49

Well, and where's your focus, right? Put your focus on something that nourishes you. Like, you can either look at the dandelions on your lawn as evil, evil little critters, or you go look at them, they're beautiful, right? Or even in the mind, I see this when people say, Oh, I can't meditate, my mind is just so crazy. I can't make it. So that's why you meditate so that you now can create some space so that you can choose what is me and what isn't. So it's a powerful practice in the way of saying, now you get to see those the itty bitty shitty committee saying, Wow, the itty bitty shitty committee would not show up unless I'm ready to evolve to the next level. I must be graduating, I must be moving towards something even more beautiful that I have not experienced yet. It's a different way of looking at them.

Maren Oslac: 26:41

It is

Stephanie Allen: 26:42

It's a shift

Maren Oslac: 26:43

it is. And when you shift in that way, you'll start to be able to shift when you first wake up and you've got your to do list, you'll be able to start shifting that and start asking that question. Is it mine to do? Is it even mine to do? And is this, is this feeding my soul? Or is this an avoidance tactic? So I don't even have to

Stephanie Allen: 27:07

Oh, that's a good, that's a brilliant question. Yeah. Because when we think of responsibility,

Maren Oslac: 27:10

You know? it's the ability ability, it's a skill, ability to respond. Yeah, that's what responsibility means. And so if you are reacting, it's just happening habitually out of old ways of being that's not responsive. That's explosive. And it's either going to hurt you internally, you know, with inflammation and illness and injury, or it's going to accidentally create like a tidal wave in the outer world, which is going to upset everything, which, again, there's no definitive, right, wrong, good, bad, it happens, it happens. But if you can catch it, it happens. And if you can catch yourself, and oops, maybe that wasn't so kind, maybe there was another way I could have done that. And is that something that I was doing because I was coming from fear? Or was it because something was calling me? To do it? To be it? So it is to give yourself some space to reflect, you know, what is mine to do? Yeah, I love that word calling. Because it will feel like a calling.

Stephanie Allen: 28:20

Yeah, because I think you know, when we don't give our time, ourself time and space, you know, we unconsciously tell others, we're not worth giving time and space to by the way. But if we can start to cultivate slowing down enough, and going time and space within ourselves, and to ask questions, and then just having spaciousness to not figure it out, but to be present to what is wanting to happen. You're going to navigate your life with a lot more guidance, a lot more gentleness, than the chaotic hot mess that it can be. And I'll tell you, we can be addicted to the chay, chaotic, hot mess. Very easily, you know, because it gives us lots of stuff to talk about. I mean, I'm not lecturing anybody. I'm actually admitting my own chaotic hotness. I've lived in my own life. That's why I'm laughing because it's like, yeah, I can go back and look at the parts of myself that created the chaotic hot messes because I was scared to feel what was really going on. I was scared to feel vulnerable. I was scared to feel out of control. Because the patterns in my life had never really allowed myself to build the ability to practice surrender and willingness into something greater. And so that's been the benefit and the value of learning some really good skills and practices to go okay, how do I do this? And I know why it's important because I need to have the willingness to change my old paradigm. If I want to move into a prepared future that is really unknown.

Maren Oslac: 29:55

I think that's such an important. distinction. Thank you. And thank you all for joining us. This is a passionate version of the soulful leader podcast today, which we're, both we're kind of in it and excited. So I hopefully we'll, I look forward to hearing your feedback and where you are passionate and feeling called in your life. Please let us know either on our Facebook page at the soulful leader, our LinkedIn page, the soulful leader. And you can also find us on YouTube at the soulful leader. And we will talk to you all next week on the soulful leader podcast.

Stephanie Allen: 30:45

And that wraps up another episode of the soulful leader Podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen

Maren Oslac: 30:51

and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website at the soulful leader podcast.com.

Stephanie Allen: 31:02

Until next time,