Feeling Stuck? Lead from Your Future Self

Is your future filled with infinite possibilities? Or are you creating a future based on your past? What is the difference, and how can you know?

So often we have an ideal, a vision of how our lives could be, and we wake each morning into the hamster wheel that is our lives. No space for that big goal we set at the beginning of January, no time to put towards who we know we could be.

In today’s podcast Stephanie and Maren talk about the realities BEHIND getting what you most want in your life and becoming the person you dream you could be. They share great examples like the caterpillar who has no idea it’s destined to become a butterfly, blunt talk about everything that comes up between you and the goals you set, AND several practical tools - which makes today’s episode one you’ll want to bookmark.

If you’re tired of the trudge and you’re ready to invite some magic into your life and leadership (yes, leaders can have magical lives, too), listen in - and then let us know your favorite part! 

• 00:42 Odysseus and your goals
• 06:08 Is your past determining your future? What’s the alternative?
• 08:59 Getting to know your future self, your butterfly self
• 14:54 Establishing a relationship with the unknown
• 17:13 Making space for true choice, step into the theater
• 23:15 The Lamborghini and the Five whys 

LINKS

01:56 TedTalk: The Battle Between Your Present & Future Self

TRANSCRIPT

Watch on YouTube

Please share your insights and questions in one of our Soulful Leaders groups:

Facebook Group

LinkedIn Group

Get all the latest episodes, news and updates directly to your inbox. Subscribe here. TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com

Watch the podcasts on our YouTube Channel: @Soulful Leaders

Transcript

Maren Oslac: 0:04

In a world where achievements and accolades motivate us to do more and be more, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Stephanie Allen: 0:12

Deep inside, you know, there is more to life, you're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper life that's calling you. That's where we excel. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen,

Maren Oslac: 0:25

and Maren Oslac.

Stephanie Allen: 0:26

And this is the soulful leader podcast,

Maren Oslac: 0:29

Sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've uncovered to help you make shift happen. Welcome to the soulful leader podcast. This is Maren and I'm here with Stephanie. And this last week of January, it's, I would imagine many of you are also where I am where you might have set some goals or some new year's resolutions, and you're kind of feeling itchy about them, either, because they're not quite right. They don't fit for you anymore. And you're thinking maybe I maybe I should keep going, maybe I shouldn't, or maybe you've stopped altogether, you know, and in our push through world, we're really taught to keep going regardless, no matter what. And I think one of the things that Stephanie and I wanted to talk about today is, what would it look like to stop and reevaluate that and really be in the conversation with our lives and with our goals? instead of, I set the goal, I have to see it through at all costs. So as you guys are looking at your goals, yesterday, I watched this wonderful video, it's a TED talk, and I will link the TED Talk into the show notes. Because I don't remember the title of it right now. But this wonderful economist was talking about presencing your future selves, and how our present self, because we're right here right now, is kind of going to win that battle. Right? When we think about what we want for our future. It's not, it's hard to imagine. It's not as tangible as what's right in front of us. And he illustrates his his kind of his findings using the story of Odysseus. Odysseus was a ship captain, and he was taking his his ship full of sailors home after winning a battle. And they were sailing past the sirens who are these women who sing this song. And the song is so beautiful that no sailor, nobody could resist it. And every ship that sails past, the sirens, these beautiful women, sing their song, and they get drawn into the cliffs, and they basically crash into the cliffs. So Odysseus had this great idea that he was going to have his sailors, all of, his first mate and all the sailors, put wax in their ears so that they couldn't hear the song, but Odysseus wanted to hear it. So he was going to have them lash him to the mast, and then they were going to sail past. And that he said, no matter what, don't untie me, no matter if I kick and scream, do whatever, don't untie me, I'm going to sail past, we're gonna sail past and you'll have the wax in your ears, so you won't be able to hear it. And I'll be able to hear the song. And we'll all make it through safely. And I love this guy in his, his TED talk, because he very humorously said, why wouldn't you do a dry run on that? You're about to basically put an entire ship full of people at risk so that you can hear a song, and why wouldn't you do a dry run on that? And I think about that with our goals, and where we're going in our lives, and especially as leaders, because how often do we have this goal and it's a shiny new thing, or, or maybe a shiny old thing, And we're like, Oh, I really want that. We haven't thought about it, for, two things I think about, one of them, we haven't thought about it from our future selves, is that something really in alignment with where I want to go? Using the Odysseus of like, he wants to hear the siren right now in this present moment. But maybe he actually wants to, like grow old and die and you know, at some point, have kids and have a wife and right, maybe those are at odds with each other. So there's that aspect of it. And the other aspect of it is that when there's something that important at risk, an entire ship full of people, why not do a prototype? Do a couple of dry runs? Is this something that's really going to work or not? Or maybe we need to go in a different direction with it?

Stephanie Allen: 5:16

I think sometimes, you know, we say we want something, and but we don't ask why? Why do I want that? You know, is it my ego that wants that? Is it my outer manifestation of what people say I'm successful? You know, the accolades? Or is it something that really your soul is longing for? Or, and there's an old saying, whatever you're longing for, is also longing for you. So if you're longing for that, why, why is that? And is it because somewhere in your future, you already have it? Which another another little thing I've heard too, is that you have to let go of who you are, if you want to become who you want to become, because you're not the same person.

Maren Oslac: 6:02

So when you say somewhere in your future, you already have it. Talk to me about that.

Stephanie Allen: 6:08

So whatever it is that you, maybe it's a goal, maybe it's a dream, maybe it's a way of being, it captures you, in your attention. Because somewhere in your future, you're living it. There's a different, there's many different futures that we can have. Right? Like, if I take this choice, it's going to lead me to that. I mean that's cause and effect, right? If I take this choice, it's going to lead me to there, if I, if I do this, it's going to lead me to somewhere else. And that's cause and effect. But you know, there are multiple possibilities for your future. So if you capture the dream, or an idea, or a goal, that's why it's also important to say, why, why is this important? And to do a dry run, to kind of feel it out first, like, is this where I want to be. It's gonna feel uncomfortable, because you haven't been there before. And we've talked about that with the comfort zone, it's like, we need to step outside of our comfort zone, if we actually want to grow, which means we have to let go of our comfort zone, we have to let go of who we we think we are, right? So all these things that we get attached to, Well, I'm this type of person, I'm that type of leader, I'm this type of whatever, I believe in this kind of a world. Well, is it true? How do you, like you're gonna have to let that go, if you want to venture into a whole new world. So there is that battle between the future self in the present self. You know, we if we keep going by our present self, and it's important to us to be present, see, that's a different thing. See, the present itself is moving. It's changing all the time. It's like a river.

Maren Oslac: 7:54

So I think that the challenge is that our, we can remember our past. Right? And we predict our future, based on our past. Right? It's hard to imagine the future. So it's hard to create our present moment from that future. So if you can imagine, right? If we're building our future based on our past, then we will always be limited to what's behind us. If instead, we live into the dream, that Stephanie mentioned, of, there's multiple possibilities for our future. And if we can imagine, use our imaginations to step into that. Now, our present self can make a different choice. And that's what you were saying, Stephanie, of like becoming someone different being different, a different person who makes different choices. And I, for me, one of the easiest ways to do that is to step into my future self and say, what choice would she make? Because now I'm using my imagination.

Stephanie Allen: 9:20

Yeah, and getting to know that future self like that, having a practice to be present to the future that wants to happen. I keep using that word, but it's like the butterfly, right? The butterfly and the caterpillar. The caterpillar does not remember ever having the intelligence that it's meant to become a butterfly. It's forgotten. But it remembers crawling around the ground and eating all kinds of things. It remembers being a caterpillar, and

Maren Oslac: 9:46

it can't imagine what it's like to fly or flap its wings or even have that different perspective that has a single perspective that says like, this is who I am.

Stephanie Allen: 9:57

Like it lives in a whole new world. The butterfly does than a caterpillar. And essentially when we're making goals, or we're having dreams or ideals, we are asking for ourselves to step into a whole new world, but we have to let go of the caterpillar, we have to let go of who we think we are. And that's, that's uncomfortable. It's really uncomfortable, because we're really identified with it right?

Maren Oslac: 10:23

Well and the thing is that the process that the caterpillar and the butterfly or the butterfly goes through, the two of them, is that in the chrysalis imagine, literally, they're called imaginal cells. Imaginal cells start to pop up and the caterpillar's defense system actually tries to kill them. Because it's like, that's not me. That's our identity, right? That's who, that's what we do. When we have this big dream, or a big goal, or big thing to do at work is, we either identify with it and say, Oh, that's me, I can do that. Or we don't identify with it. Nope, not me can't do that. not who I am. And that's where the caterpillar is in its chrysalis. Eventually, the imaginal cells form a disc that are stronger than the defense system of the caterpillar. And now the transformation happens, into the butterfly, because the imagination becomes greater than the past identity.

Stephanie Allen: 11:30

And I think what's needed is that time of, of just being, being still. Not reacting from an old pattern or

Maren Oslac: 11:34

That is, and you mentioned that I almost think of an old way. And this is what I mean by souful leaders, souful leaders have got a way to just be present, not giving up or giving in. But, just literally being still, going, okay? If I react, how I always react is just going to keep keep on keepin on, you know, it's gonna keep on doing the same stuff. And I'm bringing this up, because working with a few of my clients this past week, they've asked for something they've wanted. And sometimes we have to ask yourself, Okay, you say you want you say you want X, Y or Z. But what happens if X, Y or Z actually shows up? Are you, do you, have you practiced in a way of being present to it? Because most of the times we just push things away. So being soulful is like saying, hey, I want it, we're looking for a state of being we have to presence that butterfly, it's different. So we need to practice getting to know that butterfly, and not trying to be annihilating all the things that are coming in another great line is like, sometimes when you think things are falling apart, they may be falling into place. That's true of the butterfly and the caterpillar, too. So to really, the difference between reactivity is to be responsible to be able to respond. And that's what you can't respond from an old way of doing, you have to respond from your future. What would your future self, if your future self, that's living, the dream, the ideal, how would that self respond to this moment right now? How would they embrace it? What guidance would it give me? I think that's a different soulful question. it as a sacred pause that soulful leaders have of being able to stop and make space for the future possibility. Or in the past, we've talked about conflict of like holding the tension of the two opposites, because when you can hold that tension between the two, a new, possibility can emerge from that, when we swing to it's either this way or that way. It's either, you know, I think about the caterpillar in the cocoon, the actual, that's the process is the sacred space is there. And there literally is a battle going on between I want to keep and stay who I am, even though that looks really beautiful over there, I'd like that. And it becomes a battle between the future self and the past self. And that's the present moment. This is the now and that's where we have, that's where all any change happens in the now. So in any given moment, are you making a choice from the limited past self or the unlimited potentiality of the future self?

Stephanie Allen: 14:54

Yeah. Are you making a decision from the familiar or have you stepped into the unknown and made a relationship with that unknown? That is loving, that you're saying, Okay, what wants to happen?

Maren Oslac: 15:10

I love the word you just used. Have you created a relationship with the unknown? the relationship. Because oftentimes when when I hear people talk, I'm like, yeah, just do that. Yeah, just presence your future self. Right? As if it's a one and done. Yeah. So can you speak more to that relationship piece?

Stephanie Allen: 15:32

Yeah, yes, the relationship pieces are really important. I think. It's like, almost, I have to leave my body. Meaning, you know, that I'm present. But I'm looking at it from a different perspective. I tend to project my life, when something is going on in my life that I am in a complete unknown, I don't know what's happening. I imagine that I'm sitting in a movie theater, and I'm watching a scene play out on a big screen. And that everyone in that screen, and this is important, is not my enemy. It's actually all parts of me. So whatever I'm in relationship with, whether it's another human being, whether it's my taxes, whether it's, you know, a system, nature, whatever it might be, I see that also as myself. So I see myself as the director sitting in the seat in the audience, watching it.

Maren Oslac: 16:32

And watching all the actors go by. Yeah.

Stephanie Allen: 16:37

And it's like, you know, that I can kind of play it out in my imagination of like, okay, so if I had the player, or the actor Stephanie, act this way, what might happen or what might unfold? or if I had her embody this way, what might unfold? or, like, I'll play things out, I'll try different things on. And there's no right or wrong or good or bad. But it allows me to start to make the unfamiliar, familiar.

Maren Oslac: 17:03

To be in choice. I mean, imagine all the choices that might come up, there's like, oh, instead of oftentimes, we don't like feel like we're in choice.

Stephanie Allen: 17:13

Right. And you got to slow it down enough to be able to make some space to then choose. You know, when someone's having a reactive moment, it often is revealing what they're believing. So here's an example, if somebody accuses you of something, they might be right. They might be right. It might be and I often I will take that I'm like, No, perhaps this person is accusing me of something that I didn't even see that I'm going to go and look at that because I care. And I want to grow. And I want to learn. To me that soulful? So I'm like, Yeah, you know, you might be right. And I'm going to look at that. And thank you for making that obvious. But it also reveal to me where they might be coming from too. So to ask a question to them if it's safe or not, or whatever, or to yourself of saying, What are you believing about this situation? You know, if they are coming from their Caterpillar world of pain and suffering, or betrayal. No kidding, they're going to have that kind of belief system, they're going to project that out onto me. And that may or may not even be true. So to be able to slow down enough to say, what are you believing? And can we look at this together. But I cannot do that for someone else. If I haven't done it for myself. That's why I bring myself back to the movie theater, put myself in the seat. And I watched what's going on. What is that Stephanie on the screen believing that is then orchestrating all of these other players to respond to react this way? And if I can change how Stephanie's thinking or believing from a different paradigm, and I will respond, or I will react differently, and I will behave, I will have different sets of behaviors that will then shift the whole scene. So it's something to play out in your mind and in your heart. So when we look at the goals and the New Year's resolutions and the things that we want to do, I mean back to that, I think there's a lot of shame of like when we don't get them. And then the you can go in and say well, what is the state? Why do I say I want, you know, why do I say I want to like increase my bottom line by you know, 20%? Or why do I want to have a really skillful team that's working well together a great culture like you may not have gotten really clear about why that's important. And when you can get really clear about why that's important then you can say that there's a state that is needed. So if you say you know I really want my bottom line or if you're doing Hey, you know I want to save more money for my retirement. I want to be you know, the state you're seeking is more security is more Maybe freedom or choice? How might I then embody freedom and choice in this moment? How might I act that differently, so you're bringing the future to the now, which means you're gonna have to let go of your past. I used to use a saying it's like, you have to let go of first base in order to steal second, you have to take your foot off first, you have to let go. And that is the great unknown. And if you have a relationship, coming back to what that question was, if you have a relationship with the unknown, that it's scary, and it's painful, you're never going to let go, you're never going to let go of first base. So what has to happen for you to build a more beautiful relationship with the unknown? What do you need to believe or tell yourself, and those are the states that you need to practice so that you can handle the unknown when it comes to you from a different from a different place within yourself, More skillfully.

Maren Oslac: 20:58

I think the other piece of that, when I hear relationship, is that there is a practice and that we don't expect ourselves to be perfect at it the first time. And when you say you know about, you have to take your foot off of first in order to steal second. Well, you know what, you also have to have practiced doing that over and over and over and had it gone wrong. 90% of the time, right, like, just right. And that takes us back to the story of Odysseus of why wouldn't you practice that? let's do a bunch of dry runs. Let's spend this evening, actually practicing what it looks like for you to not untie me, and all the different ways I could manipulate you into untying me, right? And so when we think of presencing, our future selves, it involves imagination. And I love the exercise that you do in sitting yourself as a director watching your life go by in the theater, because guess what? That's imagination. So everything that we can do, it's so interesting, because as kids were told to be realistic, stop daydreaming, don't think that that's your don't imagine that. It's like all the stuff. And so we do, we shove this skill, that we have this essential life skill, and we squash it. And so, as adults, and I think, especially as leaders, how, how do we get that back? How do we start practicing that again, and find the value in it? One of the ways I'm going to give you all permission out there to look at this, and you may have heard me say this before on the podcast is Einstein, one of the greatest minds of our century, said Imagination is more important than knowledge. It's just, we don't, we don't give it it's do.

Stephanie Allen: 23:11

And we're in a culture that is desperately needing a beautiful imagination.

Maren Oslac: 23:16

Absolutely. And it will change. That is what will change your life is stepping into that imaginary future. And connecting to as you said, Stephanie, the person that you need to be in this moment. The skill. There is this exercise that's very popular right now, which I love that it's popular. It's called the Five Why's. So you know, I want to Lamborghini. Why? Because I want to drive fast. Why? Because I really like

Stephanie Allen: 23:45

So we go to the future get where you're already the adrenaline rush. Why? Well, because I need that my life, my life is so safe. Why? Because I avoid things that are scary. Why? So you keep peeling the layers, and you can see that it gets more and more vulnerable and more towards the core of what's important and who I want to be. And that person that I was just pretending to be, you know what they really needed to know that they were loved and feel that there's a state, there's that state. Right? Exactly. love.

Maren Oslac: 24:31

Eaxactly. And now when you set that goal to have a Lamborghini, you know that it's not just the outer of I want the Lamborghini. Guess what all of those layers that you just peeled in those five questions, all of that crap is going to come up between you and getting that Lamborghini. So why not in this moment, embody that and be like, Oh, that's what I need to work with.

Stephanie Allen: 24:56

And sometimes what happens is when you go to the state of being loved. In this case, your example, you won't need the Lamborghini.

Maren Oslac: 25:05

It does change, it changes.

Stephanie Allen: 25:08

Or you'll have a Lamborghini. Like it's not really bringing me love. Right? Or it will just appear on your driveway. Like I mean like craziness of somebody, a friend of yours got one and it appeared on your driveway and you get to drive it whenever you want. Who knows, I mean, like, that's what things happenen

Maren Oslac: 25:24

Magic, absolute magic instead of the trudge I have to make this happen. This is what invites the magic in our lives. So as you all are playing with your goals, right now, at the end of January and feeling like oh, I didn't and I couldn't and maybe I should and all of the stuff. Maybe invite yourself into a sacred space. Of Hmm, why did I set that goal? Ask the five why's maybe sit yourself in a theater watching your present and past and future self go by and make some different choices from a different place in your life. Thanks so much for listening to us today on the soulful leader podcast. Remember, you can find us on LinkedIn and on Facebook at the soulful leaders and you can watch us on YouTube, also at the soulful leaders. We'll see you all next week on the soulful leader podcast.

Stephanie Allen: 26:38

And that wraps up another episode of the soulful leader Podcast with your hosts Stephanie Allen

Maren Oslac: 26:44

and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website at the soulful leader podcast.com.

Stephanie Allen: 26:55

Until next time,