Own Your Flow: Break Out of The Box

Do the right things, hold the right job, make the right amount of money, be self-reliant - this is how we get accepted, be lovable. Stay in the box, or you get shamed.

This is the narrative of our culture. We are immersed in it and don’t even realize how much it runs our lives. Today, Stephanie and Maren share a few of the ways they are transcending this false, and harmful, narrative and how that is not leadership.

As humans, we adapt our personality in order to survive. And the soulful leader project is not about adaptation, it's about evolution.

Join them for this rich conversation about the destiny that you are actually destined to unfold. And how you can either choose that destiny and work with it and have a joyful, uplifted life. Or you can kick and struggle and think that everything is happening to you and you're a hot mess, and life sucks and you're a victim.

• 00:51 Uplevel how you move about your life; how you use a tool and who is using it gives widely varied results
• 03:01 We’re often shamed for our natural gifts, school is about fitting into a mold and working on weaknesses
• 07:23 Finding your sweet spot - it’s not a one size fits all
• 10:18 Why it’s not selfish to do what you love
• 14:09 Permission to change radically - transcending good bad, right wrong
• 20:07 The bandwidth to find your flow
• 24:18 Measuring success

“How radical is it that you could do something you love, and get paid for it? And it would be exactly what the world needed?” ~ Maren Oslac

Mentions

18:15 Jean Houston

21:36 Carol Dweck

23:41 Roger James Hamilton

TRANSCRIPT

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Transcript

Stephanie Allen: 0:04

In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Maren Oslac: 0:10

Deep inside, you know, there's more to life, you're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you.

Stephanie Allen: 0:19

That's what we invite you to explore with us. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen,

Maren Oslac: 0:25

and Maren Oslac. And this is the soulful leader podcast. Yay! Welcome back to the soulful leader podcast. This is Maren and I'm here with Stephanie. And at the end of last season, we were talking about the Genius test and your profile and the way that we use it is very different. And this could go for any profiling tests, right? This personality test, the way we use the genius test in, in particular is to uplevel how we move about in our lives. And so one of the questions that we often get around that is, well, why does my profile come out the way that it comes out? What like, how does that work? Why? Why do I get kind of, quote unquote, defined the way I'm defined by this particular profiling tool? And that can be for any profiling tool? Like why? Why am I what? Why? Why would it come out like like that, and whether it feels like it fits you or whether it feels like it doesn't fit you.

Stephanie Allen: 1:34

I think that's a really great place to start, because I can speak to myself when I took the profiling. And I've taken many different profiling tests. And one of the one of the things why I love the wealth dynamics is that it is an evolutionary test, meaning that as you grow and change and evolve, so does the depth of what and how you can use the profiling system.

Maren Oslac: 2:02

So I love this, I'm gonna stop you for a second. Because like, often times, say, for example, like an astrology chart, right? You have your birth chart, and it's set in stone, like you were only born on that particular day. So it can't change. It's like, that's, this is who you are.

Stephanie Allen: 2:18

Well, and of course, it depends on who's reading that chart too, right? And what level that they are interpreting it and how they're communicating it to you. So yeah, there's all these variables, which can be both a blessing or a curse, depending on on where you're accessing it from. So...

Maren Oslac: 2:36

And having said that, there's still there's still ways to uplevel that I'm not saying that it's flatland, like no, you're just defined as this, like you said, you can interpret that from so many different perspectives. And the wealth dynamics test is different from that, in that depending where you are in your life, you'll answer the questions differently so that the results will actually end up coming out and possibly being different.

Stephanie Allen: 3:06

Well, in that's, that's such a good point, because it was over, it's got to be over 20 years now that I took the very first genius test when it first came out. And I came out as a blaze a supporter. And I was really disappointed, I have to be honest with you, because what had happened to me in my life. And I think this happens to most of us, we often get judged on where we are weak. And we are meant to start focusing on our weaknesses so that we can be stronger and better and higher, faster, and all those different things. And we get shamed for where our gifts are because it may not be the right time or the right place or the right group or whatever the situation is it just doesn't seem to fit.

Maren Oslac: 3:49

Well I will say that traditional schooling is about fitting us into a mold trying to everyone is compared against a norm. And nobody, nobody actually fits that norm. So that means that everybody ends up feeling like they don't quite fit. And so we kind of try and polish the rough edges. And when we say rough edges, oftentimes those are our gifts and we polish them away. We're like, oh, just Oh, yeah, that away, right?

Stephanie Allen: 4:19

We deny them. We don't strengthen them at all. And we just we Yeah, tuck them away, we push them away. So when I first took the assessment tool over 20 years ago, it came out as a supporter and I, I was disappointed because I wanted to be a dynamo I wanted to be more creative because that's where I felt like I was aspiring to become and I really wanted to and I really wasn't. I didn't know myself, so that I would say that's the first thing why a test turns out the way it does your profile turns out that way because sometimes we just don't know ourselves or if we do know, it shows parts of us and we've been shamed for those parts. So we deny them and push them aside and we want to be something else. So we tend to, and again, the traditional education system and in our world, we are taught to get results and answers. So we're always trying to figure out the end result and what the, what the question is leading towards. So we just know which one to pick, right to be able to get the outcome we want, instead of truly being like letting go of the shame, letting go of all of the past conditioning that you've had, and say, what really makes my heart sing what really, when I feel like I'm in my sweet spot in my life, what would be the the answer? Regardless, it's there is no right or wrong answer. And I think, I think that's we've been really wounded by that. So I'd say that's definitely the first thing is that we often don't know ourselves well enough, or haven't been given an environment to really flourish.

Maren Oslac: 5:51

I would almost use the word permission. It's funny, because Stephaine and I've talked a lot in the last two days about giving ourselves permission or, or even getting permission from those around us. Like to truly go for it or to. I know for myself, just recently, I've gotten back out into nature. And, you know, I love my career as a dancer, and wouldn't trade it for anything. And 20, almost 30 years in a ballroom, I didn't get to spend as much time in nature as I did before that which was, you know, I was the owner of a seed company. And spent a lot of time out in nature. And so recently, I've gotten back into that, and it just makes my heart sore. And there's a part of me that says, yep, but you got to go back and sit in front of your computer and do real work.

Stephanie Allen: 6:48

Yeah, so pervasive, it's so rooted in our culture is like, you know, show up, do the work, make things happen, go, go go, whatever you can do to make it happen.

Maren Oslac: 7:02

Right, and I think about, you know, even with goal setting, people, people say, you know, it's like, use those things as a reward. Like, you're allowed to go into nature once you've done X, Y, and Z. And what would our world be like if like, there weren't those conditions on it? And we were just allowed to soar into what made us feel like so alive?

Stephanie Allen: 7:23

Yeah. So giving ourselves permission is really a great antidote to that part, to go out and explore what is it that lights you up? What is it that you feel like, like, time just goes away, like, oh, my gosh, if I could do this all day long, and actually make a living and, and make a difference in the world I'm in, that's your sweet spot. And it's going to be different. This is why we have the different profiling is that it's different. It isn't a one size fits all, we are a combination of many different things. But finding that sweet spot is so important. Because that's when you don't have to... not that you don't have to work because you do have to work. But it's coming from a different place of from from your center, from your from your love, rather than I have to do this. And it's a burden. So I'd say that's the the first reason.

Maren Oslac: 8:14

We've all felt that where like, we're we know we're doing quote unquote, work. And it doesn't feel like it. We're feel like we're playing and it's you know, right. So yeah, I agree that that would be that would be a huge reason for why a profile comes out the way that it does whether, like I said, if it feels like it fits you, it may be that you're leaning into that, if it feels like it doesn't fit you maybe it's something that that you want to lean further into, or it's exploring. Why did it come out the way that it came out for yourself of yeah, that... that? I don't know, maybe? Does it fit? Does it not fit? Kind of like what you were saying, when you first took the test? You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not me. (hahaha)

Stephanie Allen: 9:03

Yeah I was totally in denial, completely in denial. And I think you know, the second thing is that, because we haven't given our selves permission, or we've been shamed for certain attributes or qualities that we have, we then do build skill in our areas of weaknesses. So it doesn't it's like the old saying is like, just because you can doesn't mean you should. It's like, yes! I probably could do a lot of things. And I could put my mind to it. And I can learn and use time and energy and money to get become very skillful. And then what I'm going to be mediocre! Versus really putting my time my energy and my lifeforce into those areas that actually light me up and inspire me, and they're my natural tendencies, then you're now you're talking mastery. And that's what that's how you know you and I, Maren and I are looking at the soulful leader project in that way is like building mastery, you know, in your, in your sweet spot in your flow, because that's what the world needs. And it's changing that narrative of you have to fit into this box and be this way to be accepted to be loved. Otherwise, you're going to be shamed, that we're transcending that stuff like that is not leadership.

Maren Oslac: 10:18

I want to go further into that, like you said, that's what the world needs. Because often times one of the things that I'll hear from clients as well, but that's selfish, for me to do my thing, I have to do X, Y, or Z, because I'm supposed to. And what I want to point out is that when we step into our flow, and this is what we're talking about, I mean, when you're doing what you love, and it doesn't feel like work, guess what? You are in flow. And when you step into your flow, several things happen. First and foremost, you give permission to people around you to do the same thing, you've become a walking example of what could be for them. The other thing is that when you're doing something that's yours to do, you've made the space for the person next to you to do what there is to do, instead of taking it out of their hands. And we live in this me culture where you're like, we're taught that we're supposed to do it all, you're supposed to be able to, you know.... I am going to date myself, but there was a perfume commercial when I was growing up. It was....you know, I can bring home the bacon, I can fry it up and up in a pan, I can never never let you forget, you're a man, right? It's like, I can do all of it. I can make all the living and I could do this. And I could do that. Well, what space does that leave for the person who's going to love me? For the person who's next to me? I've just taken all of their empowerment away. Because what did they bring to the table. So when I do what I do best, now the person next to me can do what they do best. And now we're working as a team, which is what we were actually intended to do, we were meant to work as a team.

Stephanie Allen: 12:15

Well, I think you're bringing up a good point is that when you start putting all of your awareness, into self discovery of your gifts and strengths, and your passion and your flow, then opening up the space to you know, others to be able to come in and join you. It's important, it's like if I know my flow is in this direction and in order to get, the work out into the world, for whatever I'm doing, I'm going to need other people who are good at what I'm not. It's like building a team. You know you can build a team with All -Stars and they don't even win the medals. Because they they don't work well together. There is so many miscommunications , and there is no connection or there is no space for each other, or there is competition, there is egos and all this kind of stuff. It transcends all that instead of dropping into your sweet spot and saying, Okay, I'm really good. You know, I'm gonna use hockey, I'm really good at being a forward, but I need a really good goaltender or I really need good defenseman, you know, or, you know, I needed, I need the defense line. So everyone brings to the team, their unique way of unfolding, and they're all moving towards a common goal. And that up levels, that uplevel society in such a way, and that's, again, the other importance of, you know, when we're learning in school, we're learning that you have to learn everything, and you have to be skilled at everything. Where did that ever come from? You know, and that we're lazy or that, you know, because we're really bad at math, but we're really good at Creative Arts, you know, you need to be good at everything. It's like, well, do you? I don't know, really, perhaps, you know, the the artists out there actually collaborates and connects with someone who's really good at bookkeeping, or really good at marketing. And then all of a sudden, they're both succeeding in their fields. I don't know, I think we can all up up leveling ourselves and each other when we do that,

Maren Oslac: 14:09

I think so. I do. And to bring that back around to why your profile might change. So we just recently, part of the reason that this came up is one of our clients said, I'd like to, she took the test, what maybe three or four, it was pre pandemic that she Oh, yes, right. Yeah. And she said, You know, I'd like to take the test again and see if anything's changed, and it changed pretty radically. And so we were discussing, well, what what might be the reasons that that would change was over and above so we have a tendency to go to good bad, right wrong. Well, I must have done something wrong with the first time or maybe I did something wrong this time, because that should be the same like that whole mindset. And we're looking at transcending that if like, Okay, what if nothing was wrong? What if it was actually completely perfect. And with this particular woman, after she did the test the first time, she puts so much work, inner work into herself and into the outer like it changed, it transformed everything around her. We are going to have her on as a guest, so you will find out more about her. But, it doesn't surprise me that it also transformed how she answers the questions because she's not the same person that she was when she took that test. We don't give ourselves permission to change that radically. We think, oh, I should be like, I don't know why we think that there's this, permanent personality that we're supposed to have and that it can't change.

Stephanie Allen: 15:50

Oh yeah. I mean, personality, that it's Yeah, you need an A in every subject. Plus, you need to do personality's irrelevant. Really. I look at it as a soul is like we've come into this world with something unique. Our gifts, our strengths, our passions, our purpose, our the extracurriculars, and you need to have a sport and you mission. They're all given to us temporarily, really, you know, that we're meant to unpack and many of us either unpack it through great pain and suffering. And usually when that happens, we're we don't have a lot of lifeforce left, we're like tired, or worn out or burnt out, we're overloaded and financially, sometimes, and it's like, Oh, my God, I'm just so much pain I want to get out of this. And what what Maren and I stand for is that you can unpack your gifts and strengths and your reason for being through joy and inspiration. You don't have to wait until something traumatic happens in your life or painful happens. And we kind of set people up for that in our school system in our education system as well as in, in business where we're told, Well, if you don't get the A, no one's gonna hire you. Or, you know, if you don't do well, in everything, you don't fit into school and you're going to be a flunky. That is so not true. need to be doing this and you need to play an instrument and you need to, like Holy! Right! Instead of really discovering and I sense like, you know, really, children actually do know who they are. If we go back, and we and these are some of the things that we do in our workshops, and in our, in our unfolding of things of like, literally having some questions. Like who were you when you were seven? What did you love to do? What was your personality like then? Where were you, where were you drawn? What made you curious? All those different questions. What did you love? That you know if we can go back further in time, and a lot of times, by the time we're seven, we've had some pretty serious conditioning. No, don't do that. Sit still stop talking. Stop daydreaming stop drawing....

Maren Oslac: 17:48

or reading your books. Stop whatever.

Stephanie Allen: 17:51

Yeah, you've got your nose in the in the books, can you just go out and play or write.

Maren Oslac: 17:54

Stop taking that thing apart and putting it back together. Don't do that.

Stephanie Allen: 17:59

Instead of looking at it's like, did we ever think that maybe that was our gift. That was our talent and, and I get so heartbroken when I hear so many people and in children especially being diagnosed with ADHD or ADD or different learning disabilities. And you know, one of our teachers Jean Houston always said, There is no such thing as a stupid child. Only a stupid system that's trying to teach them. It has nothing - every child is a genius.

Maren Oslac: 18:27

And that's that one of the things that I do love is the neuro diversity that people are talking about, like it's not a diagnoses. It's just everybody's different. You know, my fingers are shaped this way. Your fingers are shaped differently, why not our brains? Like of course, they're shaped differently. Because we need people to do all different types of things and think in like a bazillion different ways. And yet our schooling system wants to plug everybody into this, whatever normal is.

Stephanie Allen: 19:00

Oh right! So the more we are allowed to develop that, that unique fingerprint, you know, and we learn how to connect and work with each other, our world is going to be very different. Very, very beautiful. And there's more than enough for everyone. Because I think when we when we when we say well, you have to give that "A" or you have to be this way we're coming from a scarcity unfriendly universe, that it's not safe. Well, that's going to make anxiety, isn't it? That's going to put up some rebellion and some resignation for sure.

Maren Oslac: 19:32

I love the way you say that, because that's how we approach our profiling tool and why one of the reasons we love the Wealth Dynamics profiling tool. It is a starting point. It's not a finishing point. It's not a defining tool. It's a place to start the exploration into what are your gifts and strengths. Does this fit you? Does it not? If it doesn't, let's look at what does and it's an upward spiral instead of a flat definition, if that makes sense.

Stephanie Allen: 20:07

So, I love what we're saying. So I look at the third reason now. So like the first reason being, you know, not enough self awareness. Second reason, you know, and we haven't given ourselves permission to actually explore. The second reason of being skill developed. So we've been kind of oriented through our lives through shame that we don't want to do bad, we don't want to, we don't want to make things wrong, we want to get everything right and do good. And we may not get"buy-in" every aspect of it. And the third reason is really giving yourself permission to actually get outside of your comfort zone and explore. So it's like life experience. Have you given yourself to even a possibility, so you know, I'm going to try something totally radically different. I'm going to try this on. It's like an outfit, right? It's like, we don't know that the outfit is actually really great on us until we actually get in that outfit. And we might say, well, I never thought about wearing this color before. I never thought about wearing you know, that outfit. And somebody else comes around like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. And it just totally speaks you and you're like, You're kidding me? Sometimes we don't give ourselves enough stretch, enough broad band width to say, what if? What if we tried a different job? What if we tried a different way? What if we explored and tried something on just to see if it excites us and inspires us? Or if we go, Oh god! No, I am so not doing that again. But that's information too, isn't it? It's like, okay, now, you know, right? It's like, no, I definitely don't want to be an accountant. You know, I'd rather be out in public.

Maren Oslac: 21:36

It reminds me of Carol Dweck has got a great book about mindset. She talks about fixed mindset and growth mindset. In school, I'm going to go back to school again, when we're given a test, and we're graded on the test, not on the process that we use to get to the answer. And then we get "A"....good job! We are really praised for the A. The next time we get a harder test, there's this anxiety around well, I want to get that A, I want to get the approval, and the dopamine the hits. We get trained into a fixed mindset. They did an experiment with some kids, where they took a whole group of kids, and they gave them the similar test, but they praised them for the work that they did, the process behind it. And each of the successive tests, instead of creating more anxiety, the kids got more interested and more curious of like, because it's like, oh, look at that! You figured out how to, not, the answer isn't correct, I love the way that you actually went about doing that. What about this, and so now we're working on process. And that's what's considered a growth of the person who can embrace that and doesn't look at the end measurement of that mark of an A or say, you know, if you're a business person that like, Okay, we didn't make our goal of X, Y, or Z. Instead of shame, and where we've been trained to go, which is I'm not good enough, I didn't do something right. Going to curiosity, and this is what you were speaking to, like, what it will, what could we do differently? What could be? Where did it take us? What did we learn from it? So Stephanie and I have a coach named Roger James Hamilton. And he for every time he sets a goal, there is a monetary goal. There's also a learning goal. And there's a process goal that goes along with it. So it's never one sided. It's what are we going to learn? And how are we going to grow? And I've always loved that, because it does. It's kind of builds that growth mindset into it's not something that is set. You know, I mean, most of us were probably trained to have fixed mindsets. And it's something we can change.

Stephanie Allen: 24:18

Well, it's like that that whole paradigm, it has to be evidence based, you have to be able to measure it. And that is one side of the brain that is not balanced. Because there's an internal and intrinsic measurement tool, because it's like, so what happens if we do the external measurement and but I've had a total change in my internal world. I'm not the same person from going through that, but I haven't had any outer manifestation of money or product or whatever thing you know, but I am changing inside I'm feeling different. I'm thinking different. My mental and emotional responses is completely different. But I have no way of actually evidence base because it's totally subjective. And that's where we're negating the balance in our life, if we're seeking balance, like, you know, it's, it's the inner and the outer, it is the right brain and left brain, it is the higher and the lower coming together, merging and pulling up. It's like it's integration of both of those, because otherwise it's empty, you'll feel exhausted. You'll be burnt out and exhausted and overwhelmed, and all those different things. And I'm like, that's no fun for anybody. And then you become an irritation to everyone around you. So then that's even when you push away, and it's like, that's another whole thing. It's like, you know, I hear this a lot times, you know, people will say, Oh, I came out as a "Steel" person. Yeah, that's right, because I don't like people. That's not what being a steel energy means. In the same ideas as someone who's a "Blaze". Oh, yes, I love people, maybe it's just the because we can be a shy extrovert which means you can be a wallflower. Because of being shamed when you're younger. So your personality has gotten adapted. See, we adapt our personality in order to survive. And the soulful leader project is not about adaptation, it's about evolution. If we just keep adapting and pivoting, we're just going around in circles, people, we're not evolving, we're gonna have, we're just creating more and more fires, instead of like stepping up stepping out, and dropping in and tuning in. It's it's the inner and the outer, that needs to come together. So that we evolve as a humanity. And there's more than enough for everyone, where do we need to go and grow to be able to connect to that, and to me, the Wealth Dynamic, that, you know, the the profile testing that we're offering, is such a great stepping stone to start that self discovery, and to transcend the shame, and transcend the blame so that you can start to refine and develop skill sets that are more going to inspire you and excite you to grow and evolve rather than, you know, the fear and doubt of push away and the pain and suffering of like, okay, I guess I gotta change. You get to do it by choice. With freedom.

Maren Oslac: 27:15

It's such a, it's a kind of a radical step in our, in our very controlled and controlling world that we have of how radical is it that you could do something you love, and get paid for it. And it would be exactly what the world needed?

Stephanie Allen: 27:39

Yeah, you make a difference, you make an impact, and you're a value to the world in a way that you probably don't realize that your value, because I think that's a big key is that when we make it about our personality, we make it about our education, and we miss the points that the things that come natural to you are actually what people most value most in you. And we are often blind to that,

Maren Oslac: 28:01

I have to go back to you know, it's like an acorn naturally becomes an oak tree.

Stephanie Allen: 28:07

A caterpillar naturally becomes a butterfly.

Maren Oslac: 28:11

And there's no judgment, there's no like, but I'm just supposed to be this over, I'm supposed to be a maple. I'm not giving, I'm not giving the world maple syrup. Because I'm an oak tree. Oh my gosh!

Stephanie Allen: 28:25

There is a destiny that you are actually destined to unfold. And you can either choose that destiny and work with it and have a joyful, uplifted life. Or you can kick in struggle and think that everything is happening to you and you're a hot mess, and life sucks and you're a victim, your choice, but you're moving towards the ideal anyway. So I always say you know, why not? Drop in and discover this amazing intelligence that you have with inside you, that is just wanting to grow roots and to spread its wings and grow, grow life in your world? And how, like, when we think of nature, you think of the tree. It's like how we all inspire each other if it was all the same trees in the forest, how boring!

Maren Oslac: 29:13

Not only that, but it wouldn't work. And they've proved it by you know, like the when they they've done the clear cutting and they replant. And the forests that they replant are actually what they considered dead forests because they don't thrive, nothing can grow in them. And so, yeah, I could go down that rabbit hole, but I won't.

Stephanie Allen: 29:38

It is such a metaphor of our humanity to and to me talking about diversity and inclusion. It's not about accepting everything that that it isn't the old way. It's like what and how do we need to think and act and remember and discover within ourselves and each other so that we can live in a higher version of the reality that we're in right now, where we all do come together, and we thrive not just survive, but literally thrive.

Maren Oslac: 30:09

Yeah. I love that. And that's what we're about. That's our vision. So we've talked a lot about different we've we've thrown out some terms today like Blaze and Steel and Supporter and if you're interested in understanding more about that on our website on the Flow tab. Our website is www.tslp.life And on the Flow tab, there's videos that explain all of those so you can go and see who you are, and you can watch the videos or you can take the test. And if you'd like to work with us, you can also click on the work with us tab we would love to chat with you. So you can find us online on our website www.tslp.life You can also find us on LinkedIn and on Facebook under the Soulful Leaders. Thanks so much and we will see you all next week on the soulful leader podcast.

Stephanie Allen: 31:16

And that wraps up another episode of the soulful leader podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen

Maren Oslac: 31:22

and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website at the soulful leader podcast.com.

Stephanie Allen: 31:33

Until next time.