Unwrapping Presence

Have you ever struggled with any aspect of the holiday season?
If so, you’ll want to tune into today’s podcast.

If you could do holidays differently, what might that look like? And why? 
What would it mean to you to get you in touch with your own inner presence and your gifts?

Mass consumerism, big business, advertising and social media have co-opted our holidays. AND, we’ve internalized the pressure to do ‘all the stuff’, be everything to everyone and to have all parts looking ‘just right’. All of this is at our own expense. We are the casualties.

👉🏻 Most importantly, we are also the solution.

In this week’s podcast, Stephanie and Maren talk about holidays from a different perspective - from the internal. They:

• Share how they empower themselves at the holidays
• Delve into the word holiday (holy day, hole-y day, filled with holes)

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” - Leonard Cohen

• Make space for both presence and presents
• Offer an ancient forgotten practice ‘the 12 Days of Presence’

If you’ve ever struggled with any aspect of the holiday season, you will appreciate this podcast. Please share it with a friend that might benefit from hearing it as well.

LINKS

12:21 Hole-y Podcast: Ep 39 Matt Damon, Kintsugi & A Set of Dishes

12 Days of Presence & Co-Creation Circle

TRANSCRIPT

YouTube Video

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Transcript

Stephanie Allen: 0:04

In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Maren Oslac: 0:10

Deep inside you know, there's more to life you're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you.

Stephanie Allen: 0:19

That's what we invite you to explore with us.

Maren Oslac: 0:22

We're your hosts,

Stephanie Allen: 0:23

Stephanie Allen and

Maren Oslac: 0:25

Maren Oslac, and this is The Soulful Leader Podcast.

Stephanie Allen: 0:28

Yay! Twas the night before Christmas, and this was the podcast. (laughter) Hi, welcome. This is Stephanie and

Maren Oslac: 0:34

And especially because it starts in like June. I'm here with Maren, and we are The Soulful Leader Podcast. And today, of course, we are just on the edge of that Christmas Now, it really feels like that. season. And I know everybody's... well, I don't

Stephanie Allen: 0:44

And I don't want to be a Ba-humbug about it, know if I know if everybody is, but I know myself personally, around me there's this buzz of energy of trying to make sure they get everything done before Christmas. And that saying is... oh, are you ready for Christmas yet? Or are you ready for the holidays yet? Just about makes me crazy sometimes. as you can see from my glasses if you're watching the video, but it's like, I think it's such a beautiful time. And in sometimes it gets clouded and we miss the reason for the season, that kind of saying, that kind of littles saying, but I just keep reflecting on presence. And you know, something I Ioften did with my niece and nephew. I only have one niece and one nephew. I love them absolutely dearly. And growing up, I remember looking back on the presents that I've been given, whether they're birthday presents or, you know, Christmas presents. And I don't really remember the presents, to be honest with you, but I remember the memories of what touched my heart and I as a person myself, I want to be able to bestow that on my loved ones. I want to build memories, good memories, and so something I often would always try to do with my niece and nephew, would give them experiences. Little things that we got to do together. So we had presence, not so much the -ents type, but that they would have memories, and they would grow as human beings. And I'm really touched by that. And I also struggle personally, because I still come up with, oh my gosh, I don't have a present for so and so, or I don't have... and sometimes I feel the pressure of the consumerism to get more and to give more in the way of materialism. And I have to completely turn inward all the time and say, wait a minute, what is most important? So I'm really curious. Like, you know how are you all are doing out there in the way of like, how are you unfolding the reason and the season and all those different things? And it can be a really hard time for so many, especially if there isn't anyone in your life, or people have passed on. You know, it can bring up both a lot of mixed emotions, can't it?

Maren Oslac: 3:19

Well, you've opened a lot of cans in a short amount of time. So let's talk about each of those, kind of individually. The first one I was thinking about when you were introducing it... are you ready for the holidays? And it's not just Christmas, it's any of the holidays throughout the year. Really, we make it about the outward. And not everybody, and in general, society has made it about the outward. Are you decorated? Do you have the presents? Is everything wrapped? Is everything perfect? And I think that does a lot of harm. And you, one of the things that you mentioned is, how is everyone doing out there? There can be some... a lot of inner angst around all of that. You said you felt it yourself, right? And we're all about awareness, you and I, and we still feel it, even at that point of like, okay, I'm more aware, I do think about the presence like -ence versus-ents, and what is that? So if we are more aware, if we can stop for a moment and and become aware of the fact that most of the external is consumerism. It's because somebody wants to sell us something, because there's an expectation that's been built. And what might it look different, how might it look different, if I look at, am I prepared internally for the holiday? And I know most of you are probably listening to this, and it's like it's in the 11th hour, either your holiday has already passed or it's about to pass. And we do have the new year coming up. So it's not just this holiday. It's any holiday of like, what does it mean to be prepared on an internal level?

Stephanie Allen: 5:26

I think you're bringing up something, and when I think of the internal level. I think what it really touches within me is like, am I enough? Am I enough? Am I giving enough? Am I being present enough? Am I loving enough? Am I too much, too little? Just right? Like it really brings that up. And even though I can talk to myself internally and say, Yes, I know I'm enough, there's this wave from the external that says, no, you're not right. No, you're not. And it's like, you're swimming against the stream. And I'm interested in how do we learn how to surf that stream, you know, instead of being tossed underneath it and tumbled and thrown onto shore, like, how do we surf that in a way that we can stay above it and still in it?

Maren Oslac: 6:20

We're not feeling drowned in it. Or what I find for myself is that I put on the outer and I make it through, and then I get to the other side and it's like, oh, my god, can I breathe? Right? There's a reaction in my body that happens. And so being able to be in it, have the head above the surface, surfing it, and so I don't have to go through that after the fact of like, you know, I think about vacations. You know, a lot of people come home from vacation, they're like, I need a vacation for my vacation. And it's the same thing. It's like, I need a holiday for my holiday. So how do we, you know... that's a great question, and I know you all are listening, going great, they're gonna have an answer for me. (laughter)

Stephanie Allen: 7:11

Yeah. And I think that's part of what we even are about, is like, can we ask questions and live in the question without having to figure it out or force an answer... that is an also unfamiliar place. It's just holding the question. I'm gonna hold it and I'm gonna ask that question to those I love to say, you know, what does it mean to be present over the holidays? Like, what would be the most amazing gift? If we could change anything about this holiday season, what would you want? What would you... how would you change it? And just ask quick questions. I'm not looking for answers. I'm just when we start to ask questions, there's a different part of ourselves that shows up to it. It almost makes us stop that perpetual momentum to say, huh, it's a good question, I haven't really thought of that. I mean, I can give you another example, because my mom, of course, you know, she's older, and she's like, for God's sake, I'm trying to get rid of stuff. Please don't give me anything, right? I

Maren Oslac: 8:12

I know that feeling right? don't need anything.

Stephanie Allen: 8:14

It's like, you know, please don't, don't, please. And so I was, I was thinking about my niece and nephew, and it's oddly enough, he had, my nephew had put something on Facebook about what Christmas meant to him, and it just touched my heart so much. It was about showing up and being present to even the imperfections, and totally being able to love and laugh no matter what. And I just thought it was so beautiful. So beautiful. So I said to my mom, I said, look, what if we got together on the 22nd? and for years...she is an amazing chef, and she's an amazing baker, and she's, I swear, she's going to die with those recipes in her if I don't take the time to go over there and do it with her. And so I am consciously making the time this year to go in and be with her. So I said that. I said, Well, you know what if on the 22nd you know, come over and we'll make some of those our favorite, you know, favorite things that I love, that she makes for me, that I have no idea how she makes. And I'm like, okay, it's about time I show up. And I said, why don't you invite my brother and you know, her grandchildren over? And the elation in her voice, she goes, that would be the best... present... ever. And she was almost in tears, and how touched she was by that. That we would take time out of our busy lives, quote, unquote, to come over and make her of value and our time together. And I think, really, I think more and more that's what we are seeking as a human being, is more healthy, happy, functional times together.

Maren Oslac: 9:53

You know, you mentioned the word value, and I really feel like our world has trained us that our value is in what we do, in what we accomplish, in what we provide, in how much money... you know, it's like all the external values, and we've lost the internal values. We've forgotten or no one's reminded us that there is value in just being present with the people around us. Like, that's the most sacred of the values, yeah.

Stephanie Allen: 10:27

Like, like, caring does not mean that you have to, like, just send a check. Caring is actually being with somebody going through a rough time and just being there with them.

Maren Oslac: 10:38

And not fixing or figuring it, or, like... nope, just being there with them.

Stephanie Allen: 10:43

Just being present in the uncomfortability. How much that has made an impact in my life, when I've gone through some pretty rough times, and friends that have come over and just literally sat with me while I cried or complained or went on and that has touched my heart so much more. It's lasted so much longer than any monetary present that I've ever been given. And I mean, I value those too. Those are great too. But I just think that had such roots to me. Somebody would take time out of their busy life again and just go and be present to me like, Wow. What a gift. What a gift.

Maren Oslac: 11:21

And, you know, we we tend to like to play with words on this podcast or pull them apart and look at them. So a holiday is a holy-day. When we're looking at questions we can ask is, what is holy about our time together, or that I can bring to the table. I do love the external holy meaning, like what we celebrate in the world, whether you're Christian or Jewish or, you know, like whatever outer God that you worship. I also am looking at what's holy inside of me.

Stephanie Allen: 12:02

Yeah, what is sacred?

Maren Oslac: 12:03

What's sacred? And the reason I want to go back to the word holy is that when we look at the the bigger picture of the word holy, the more layers of it, it's literally like, think about the holes right? And we've done a podcast about that before, and I think a couple of them, we often think of holiness, like the sacred, as this perfect, like ideal, and really it's the places, it's our imperfections, it's the holes in our sweaters, it's the holes in our soul. It's the holes, it's the places that we're open and vulnerable. And when we talk about presence, a lot of people are like, what does it mean to be present? We don't know that, we're not trained to understand that, we're not, we haven't been taught the skill of presence. And so I think of presence in this holy time of being present to like I am imperfect. What are my imperfections? And maybe bringing my imperfections to the table and being like, you know what, It's okay, and you are too, and I love you for your imperfections, right?

Stephanie Allen: 13:16

You know it reminds me of that, Leonard Cohen saying that you know... holes, that you know the cracks, sacred are the cracks, because that's where the light gets in. But I also think it's where the light gets out too. I think we put ourselves in a box. There's your present, you know, we put ourselves in a box and we're meant to be unwrapped. And we can either be unwrapped through pain and suffering and, you know, or we can be unwrapped with it, with joy and humor. Of saying, wow this is exciting. Okay, where the imperfections are, or where the, you know, the I'm not so perfect. That actually might be an extraordinary opportunity to explore, joy and possibility.

Maren Oslac: 13:58

It brings us to humility and, you know, humbleness and a lot of...

Stephanie Allen: 14:02

...surrender, vulnerability...

Maren Oslac: 14:03

Right! The inner this goes to the inner values that we just started to talk about, of like, those are the inner values, and those are the things that people will remember, that we will remember, that make things sacred and special. And, you know, we tend to overlook and say, oh, that's not important... you know, that's the most important!

Stephanie Allen: 14:25

Well when we try to hide our 'holiness' or our imperfections, right? That's when you just want to, like, shake somebody and say, Oh for god's sake will you just lighten up a little bit, right? Instead of when somebody, like, makes a royal faux pas or something like that. Then they go, oh my gosh, did I just say that? Or did I just...? I'm so sorry. Actually there's a sense of humor, the lightness that happens. It's like, if we can laugh at our holiness, our imperfections, like, how much that actually unites and brings us so much closer to each other. Sure, because we're like, oh, it's so much more vulnerable, so much more real, and it gives us permission to not be perfect, because there's no light in being perfect. No,there's no lightness either. There's no light in, no light getting out, but there's no light heartedness either. And if we can laugh at ourselves and make light of someone else's holiness or our own, that is really beautiful And what's really kind of cool is that this presence.

Maren Oslac: 15:25

So I, we are headed into a new year, and there's a lot of pressure going into a new year to set new year's is being released just before Christmas Eve, and in our 12 resolutions and to do all of the stuff of set, set your goals. days of Presence, you know, in Christmas Eve, we get to tell And what I would encourage everyone to think about as you the universe what we want, and then we create that 'hole', that go into this new year is what would it mean to go into the year with your holiness, with all of your imperfections, and holiness, that vacuum for the universe, spirit, the divine, be okay with it and literally look at it as that's my sacredness. It's a different way of looking at it. whatever you might put a word to it to actually fill it for us, so that we can have this conversation. And if you happen to be listening this in the first week of January, it's okay. You can still go back and do the 12 days of Presence. It's okay. There are no mistakes. And I think it's absolutely perfect. Whenever you are unfolding this, it's exactly when you need to hear it, exactly how and what needs to happen for you. And it's a, The 12 Days of presence that we do is a free series. So if you're listening to this at any point in time, you can go to our website www.thesoulfulleaderpodcast.com and, you know, click on the link that says The 12 days of Presence and get that whole email series. So feel free to do that. You can also find out about our co-creation circle, which then takes information... we do things differently. Imagine that. We look at our year very differently than most people, and we look at goals very differently than most people, in that we are literally co-creating our lives with life, and we hope, it's a different concept for most people. It's funny, because I have a walking partner in the mornings, and this morning we were walking, and I said to her...Stephanie and I did something over the solstice, where we took a group of people through a vision board, doing it very differently. We went through magazines, or we drew whatever what we wanted for the year, and then we went through and we looked at... what does life want for us for the year? And when I said that to my walking partner, I said, you know, what would life want for you for the year? She went...' my brain just glitched', I don't even know what that means. I don't... I have no clue. And I was like...THAT's GREAT! She's like...WHAT? I said... yes, because you won't have any clue. It's not your rational mind that will ever figure that out. That's the, building the skill of presence. Oh, look what we were just talking about!(laughter)

Stephanie Allen: 18:34

Creating that space for the future that wants to come and fill that space for you.

Maren Oslac: 18:40

Then putting that together, those two pieces together into here's what I want, here's what life wants for me. How do those fit together? And that's how we work with stuff. So if you're interested in the co-creation circle, you can again, click on the link and get more information about that or contact us directly. We do things differently, and it's very much connecting to your incoming future. And we would love to work with you and help you to do that. If that's of interest to you, if your brain goes, Huh? I don't know what they just said, and I would like more information, because I've kind of leaned in and gone, hmm, that's different. It is different.

Stephanie Allen: 19:20

So even posing that question right now during the holiday season, how would you like to unfold this holiday season differently? And why? Why would that be important, if it was different? Why? I think that's what will get you in touch with your inner presence and your gifts and and you're realizing, hey, there's more to it than just the material consumerism.

Maren Oslac: 19:44

There is. And because the the holiday season, at least Christmas anyway, is so close to the New Year, taking that and applying it to next week and what, what is it that you would like to unfold for this coming year? and what would life like to unfold for you for this year? Ooh, so stay present to that conversation, and we wish you all a very, very joyous holiday season. If it's already done for you, that's wonderful. I hope it was beautiful. You have lots of questions that you can think about for the rest of the holidays in this coming 2025, thanks for joining us. We will see you all in two weeks on The Soulful Leader Podcast.

Stephanie Allen: 20:42

And that wraps up another episode of The Soulful Leader Podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen

Maren Oslac: 20:48

and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website, at www.thesoulfulleaderpodcast.com

Stephanie Allen: 20:59

Until next time...