The Soulful Leader Podcast

As a Soulful Leader you want your success to mean something. Professionally, you're flourishing. Personally, you're still searching. Deep inside you know there has to be more to life. Acknowledging that your outer world doesn’t align with your inner longings can feel scary and overwhelming. In a world where achievements and accolades motivate us to do more and be more, we’re often left wondering, “Is this really it?” Instead of sticking to the status quo, you’re ready to embrace a new way of being, thinking, feeling, and doing so you can fulfill the deeper life that’s calling you. We’re your hosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac. We’re both soulful leaders in our own right whose lives have been dedicated to living that 'something more'. We can’t wait to save you time and share the shortcuts we’ve uncovered. By tuning into the Soulful Leader Podcast you’ll discover that you don’t need to sacrifice to find meaning, success or true happiness. Instead, you’ll learn practical solutions infused with a healthy dose of woo for tapping into your Divine DNA. We’ll help you see that going inward is the secret. Each week we break down the barriers that will help you decrease your stress, find that fulfillment, and create the conditions so you can thrive in life.

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The Soulful Leader Podcast

Breaking Free from Stuck

March 25, 2025 • Stephanie Allen & Maren Oslac • Season 2 • Episode 180

Have you ever hung on to something you know is not good for you?

A habit, a belief, maybe even a relationship or a job that you know sucks, but you can't seem to let it go?

The thing you say, ‘if only’ this were different, my life would be great, then you don’t change it?

~ If only my husband were kinder, stronger, shorter, taller, etc.

~ If only my job paid me more money

~If only I could lose 20 pounds

The truth is that you stay stuck because it’s comfortable. It’s what you know. Complaining is easier than changing, than the unknown. It’s the devil you know.

Often the only path to real change is tragedy. Something horrible happens that makes us change, that wakes us up. The pain becomes bad enough that we HAVE to do something different.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Pain and suffering is only one path. There is at least one another - you can wake up through joy and inspiration.

That’s what Stephanie and Maren dive into this week.

Stephanie shares the classic Baal Shem Tov story of the Scrawny Cow which leads right into a great discussion of creating true and lasting change in our lives - WITHOUT the drama and trauma.

We tend to ask, why do I have to change? Why can't THEY change? After today’s podcast you’ll be running towards the privilege of changing and all the gifts it brings your way.

00:31 What’s in Your Way?
04:11 Story of the Scrawny Cow
09:15 It Doesn’t Have to Be Traumatic
14:15 The Up-Graded Version of You
19:06 Healing Your Scrawny Cow
22:37 Be a Part of theMovement

TRANSCRIPT

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Stephanie Allen: 0:04

In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Maren Oslac: 0:10

Deep inside you know there's more to life. You're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you.

Stephanie Allen: 0:19

That's what we invite you to explore with us. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac, and this is The Soulful Leader Podcast. Yay. Hi. Welcome to The Soulful Leader Podcast. This is Stephanie, and I'm here with Maren, and I'm going to start with a little question. Have you ever hung on to something that you know is not good for you? A habit, a belief, maybe even a relationship or a job that you go... this sucks, but I can't seem to let it go.

Maren Oslac: 0:57

Yeah, I know I have.

Stephanie Allen: 1:01

Yeah me too. It might even be physical weight, like, when you think of weight loss, you know, I always say, you don't want to lose weight. You want to, like, not lose it, because you're going to start looking for it again. So you want to lighten up. But I find myself too, I'll hang on to weight because it gives me permission to feel protected, or feel safe, or like... it's really interesting. And why I'm saying that is that, you know, we tend to look at the physical, the outer world for its answer,

Maren Oslac: 1:30

Like, IF only...

Stephanie Allen: 1:31

If only my husband was, like, kinder, and if only my job paid me more money, and if only I could lose, like, 20 pounds. And If only, if only, if only, right? Well, what if that was your scrawny cow? And it wasn't about the outer, it's about the inner. And when I say scrawny cow, I'm gonna tell you a little story.

Maren Oslac: 1:51

I know you're gonna need to explain to them what you mean by, what if that's your scrawny cow.

Stephanie Allen: 1:56

Scrawny cow, because we all have one. Yes...

Maren Oslac: 2:02

I was gonna say, for me, it's always, it's usually an idea that I have about a belief that I've carried from my past that is so fundamental to the way that I live, I don't even... it's like the air that I'm in, the air that I breathe, or like a fish who, you know, it's just the water that the fish lives in, and it's like, that's why it's an assumption that I make about life, of like, well, yeah, I... whatever. You know, for me, oftentimes it's, it is around money or a job, or how, how, what my own self worth or value? Like, I'm only worth this amount, and I think, oh, if I could only make X amount more, well, I will never be able to do that until I let go of the belief that I'm only worth this amount.

Stephanie Allen: 2:50

Exactly. So it's like, if I want to have health, and I don't just mean physical health, but mental health, emotional health, whatever kind of health. Say I want to be in really great shape, I'm going to have to have some behavioral changes. I can't just, like, close my eyes and visualize it. That does help. It does help, but I have to make an internal change. Often, we think, well, Stephanie, go to the gym, workout, you know, eat differently. And those things all help. But I also have to make an internal change, meaning...

Maren Oslac: 3:22

...like, at a belief level.

Stephanie Allen: 3:23

Yes, like, I have to believe I can do it. I have to believe that there's a reason why that motivationally like that I'm safe and that, that in losing or lightening up, you know, I'm going to have more energy. I have to let go of the belief that I'm too old or unlovable, like there's so many. I say it's like a weed. When you pull a weed in the garden and it has, you know, if you ever taken a weed out, and you think it's just a little one, and you keep pulling it, and it's like going and going and going, and it has all these different side roots to it. And you're like, oh mother, this freaking weed is like going forever. Well, that's what goes on with our internal too. There's a lot of things that need to be swept out. So I call those the scrawny cows.

Maren Oslac: 4:09

Tell us why.

Stephanie Allen: 4:11

So there's a story, such a story, of the Baal Shem Tov, who was a Jewish rabbi. And one day the Baal ShemTov was withhis students, and they were passing through a small village, and they knocked on the door of a farmer and his wife, and the farmer and the wife had just barely enough, like they had a good life. They were happy. It's good life. They had everything they needed, not over in abundance and not too little, just right kind of, like,

Maren Oslac: 4:42

just enough,

Stephanie Allen: 4:43

just enough.

Maren Oslac: 4:46

And I can, I can relate to that, like I get, I know, that feeling of like, oh, I have just enough. I'm good.

Stephanie Allen: 4:53

Yeah, just enough love, just enough time, just enough energy, just enough health, just enough freedom. Like, just enough.Whatever it is. So the Baal Shem Tov knocks on the door, and the farmer answers the door, and he knows right away who the Baal Shem Tov is. It would like the Dalai Lama showing up at your door, knocking the door and saying, hey, do you mind if I come in and have something to eat? I mean, that's what it would be like. So the Baal Shem Tov knocks on the door, the farmer opens the door, he's like, holy, holy, holy cow... there's the Baal Shev. The Baal Shem Tov said, look myself and my students, we've been travelingfor a while. We're hungry. Would you be so kind to make us a meal so thatwe can, you know, be satisfied, like, have something to eat? And of course, the farmer says, absolutely, absolutely no problem. Goes back to his wife and says, Oh my gosh, the Baal Shem Tov is here. We don't have anything to give him. What are we going to give him? And without even thinking thoroughly through anything, they decide to sell their scrawny cow. That's all they have, is a scrawny cow. So he takes it quickly to market, sells the cow, comes back with a whole bunch of vegetables and things to cook, and his wife makes the most amazing meal from all the food. And the Baal Shem Tov sits down and he eats and he eats and he eats and he eats. And like, not just one plateful, but two platefuls, like, he just keeps eating until there's not a morsel left. Essentially, he eats them out of house and home. I thinkthat's where that saying comes from. He ate them out of house and home, and as soon as the last little piece was was done, he looked to his students and he said, Okay, we are done here. Thank you so much for your hospitality. You've been so kind and so generous. We'll be on our way. Baal Shem Tov leaves and the farmer literally breaks down. He's like, we have nothing. We basically sold our very food. We sold the scrawny cow. We have nothing. I don't even know what we're gonna do. We're destitute. And so he goes outside into into his back woods, behind his house, and he gets on his hands and knees, and he starts to pray. His heart is broken. He is in surrender mode. He is vulnerable. And he's just saying to God, like, please, what do I do? I need guidance. He starts to pray for all the things that he never, has ever asked for. And he starts to pray, not only for himself, but he starts to pray for his wife, for all the things that she never asked for, and how he wished he could have have given it to her. And as his heart is breaking, he hears over on the side a little rustle in the trees, and he looks up and there's a man staggering in the woods, and he's clutching, he's clutching his his heart so to say he's staggering. And the farmer goes over to him, and he says, Oh my gosh, you're sick. You're ill. Please come back. We'll, we'll look after you. All you need is like, you know, a nice place to lie down and rest, and we'll care for your needs. And the man says, no, no, no, I've come out here to die. You know, I've made a lot of money in my life, and my family really doesn't care about me. My children just are waiting for me to die so they can have my money. They're ungrateful. They're horrible. He said, so I tricked them, and I buried it, and I have the map here in my pocket. And he said, but you have been so kind, so generous, I want to give this to you. And as he reaches in his pocket, he givesthe farmer the map, then he dies in the farmer's arms. So some time passes, and the Baal Shem Tov is coming through the small village again, and as he and his students are walking on the roadside, the stately carriage goes by and the farmer and their wife are waving away at the Baal Shem Tov saying... Hi, how are you? They're so happy. And the students say to the Baal Shem Tov ...isn't that the farmer and his wife that we ate out of a house and home? And the Baal Shem Tov says yes, for God's sake, I had to eat them out of house and home so they would let go of that scrawny cow, because Spirit wanted to give them so much more. God wanted to give them so much more than what they were able to say yes to. So he

Maren Oslac: 9:14

They had just enough.

Stephanie Allen: 9:15

Yeah, just enough. But I had to break his heart so that he would go out and pray from the depth of his soul for what he truly, truly was wanting and longing for. And I think that's the real, true message is, like so often we have to wait until something horrible happens that wakes us up, of pain and suffering, right, instead of that joy and inspiration of like, what is it? And it's not about that you're not enough unless you keep going and doing and reaching that high level achiever. It's not that. It's more of like asking a different question, of like, what does the universe want for me?

Maren Oslac: 9:58

So it's interesting when you say that. Because for myself, I have, I have more than enough. I have, like, an abundance in my life, and yet I still identify with the that that farmer and his scrawny cow, because there is this... it feels like I'm only ever just enough. It's just enough. I need to do more. I have to have more. I have to like, there's this more more, more thing that happens. And I think that when you were saying, like, we can shift that paradigm from a place of drama and trauma, of something happens and everything goes away. You know, you hear about the people who lost their job and lost their husband and lost their you know, whatever, their spouse, their kid, like something horrific happens, and that does, it like, puts us into a complete surrender, like, I can't do this alone, wow. Or we can take the lessons of these things like this, like the story of the Baal Shem Tov where that is a story, so that I can step out of my own way and recognize that there is so much more for me and it comes from a different perspective. If I keep the same perspective I have my scrawny cow, I've just just enough, and I'm very happy, and that's all true. And there's this other perspective that's like, there's so much more waiting for me, yes, calling me, and I can step into it from a place of joy and inspiration,

Stephanie Allen: 11:38

And what the essence of that story is, is that - what opens your heart? What? Because it's, it's learning how to open your heart bigger, because that's actually what is meant to be evolving, is our heart space, our capacity to both give and receive, is actually meant. So if we're basing it just on the capacity of giving, it's like, I'm not giving enough, I'm not doing enough, but maybe you're not opening your heart enough to also receive enough. And so we can kind of get caught in that, that struggle of lack and scarcity, instead of like, in that can be our ego, of like, identifying that I've got to do more. I'm not doing enough, or, oh, I need more. I can't... I don't have enough support in my life. But really, that story is about what opens your heart, because it's actually all right here, right now. Brene Brown often speaks of the art of vulnerability. It's like we've been told that being vulnerable is weak and it takes extraordinary amount of courage to be vulnerable, trusting yourself, trusting the unknown, trusting the person you're talking to, it takes so much strength, so it's, it's a misnomer to say that it's a weakness. Hell no, it's a strength, and it's the same as surrender. We say, oh, well, surrender must mean you're giving up. You know, he surrendered. The farmer surrendered to the unknown, and went out and got on his hands and knees and asked, I need help. I'm willing. And help showed up in the staggering man that was buried in his fortune. It was right there all along, but he wouldn't have heard it if his heart was not open. If his heart was closed, he wouldn't have been in the backwoods in the first place. But even if he was in the backwoods and his heart was closed, he wouldn't have heard the call to help that it was right there.

Maren Oslac: 13:44

I think this is so often why, why we hear about, you know, like people who are super successful and yet feel completely empty and they like wake up one day and they're like, in a prison of their own making, right?

Stephanie Allen: 14:00

Like I've decorated a beautiful prison...

Maren Oslac: 14:03

But it's like... I created the success...

Stephanie Allen: 14:06

...Like Al Capone in Alcatraz. You know, he did a lot of work in his prison, he still had, he still had a lot of perks. It's like all of us can have a prison of our mind, a prison of our heart that stops us from really going for a dream. And not that it's meant to have more money or have more time or anything, but it's what you're being called to become.

Maren Oslac: 14:28

Yeah, and that call, it's so interesting, because when I work with some of my clients, it's like they want to try and figure itout from their head. And that call comes from beyond our thinking brain. So one of the things that science is finding is... has found... is that the neurons that make up our brain, we have some of those very same neurons in our heart. So we have a second brain in our heart that communicates to our brain. And one of the interesting things I always found this interesting... the ancient cultures that embalmed people that, like made mummies. The only part of the body that they threw away was the brain, because they believed that they were coming back and that they needed everything except for the brain, because they were going to get the up-leveled version.

Stephanie Allen: 15:27

Yeah our brain is essentially is our computer. Like, why would you be, like, walking around with an old computer from the 1950s when you upgraded faster? It's like internet the same sort of thing. Is like, we're always getting faster and faster and now this whole pull towards AI, which is neither right or wrong or good or bad, but it's like, where is our place as a human being on this planet? And that is the difference between AI and a human being is the heart and soul.

Maren Oslac: 15:56

Yeah. And so, yeah,

Stephanie Allen: 15:58

we're here for a reason.

Maren Oslac: 15:59

We tend to defer to, we've idealized, and we've deferred to this like higher form of thought. We think of what our brain does is a higher form of thought, and really in what they're finding and this is what the mystics have told us for years, and science is now proving that the higher form of thought actually comes from our heart and that longing that I was talking about that where like people get to that, the that very high level of success, and then they feel empty. It's because they've been only using their brain up here, instead of dropping 12 inches into their hearts and connecting into their hearts. So when I hear that story about the Baal Shem Tov, and like he had to take away the the scrawny cow, so that the farmer could drop into his real knowing, which was in his heart. And that's so critical for us. And like you said, that longing that we have, the thing that's calling us, of where, what am I here to do, that comes from our heart, and it's not going to come through our CPU, right? The computer brain, right? It's the software behind it. It's not the hardware. So, yeah, I absolutely love that story, and I've heard it a couple times this week, and I'm so glad that you shared it with us.

Stephanie Allen: 17:22

Yeah, I just I've been so contemplating that myself, because we get used to, we get conditioned to,

Maren Oslac: 17:31

...habituated...

Stephanie Allen: 17:31

We get programmed. We program ourselves that this is the only way it's going to be, and we might have a dream or a longing or a desire, and it's, it's what stands between that dream, longing and desire, and where you are now is the scrawny cows. There's probably a few of them. You know cows, and you know my, my suggestion would be, is like, even if you were open to looking at one of the scrawny cows, I am pretty sure it'll be attached to many, which means you can just look at one scrawny cow, and as you start to work with that scrawny cow to be able to let it go, you're going to actually have to become a different person in order to let that go. That's what happens. And I think that can be scary sometimes, because we're like... well, why do I have to change? WHY do I have to change? Why can't THEY change?

Maren Oslac: 18:26

The ironic thing, I love it when you say that, because the ironic thing is, when I change, they do change.

Stephanie Allen: 18:32

Right? How often have we lived like you meet somebody and you're like, wow, I don't even live in the same reality as you do, where are you coming from? What are you listening to? What are you paying attention to, you know, and if we get into that kind of mishmash, and that's what it is, it's exhausting. First is looking at, well, what kind of world or what kind of life do I want to live into? And that's going to require me to change. I need to take responsibility.

Maren Oslac: 19:06

So I think this is so key, because we both

Stephanie Allen: 19:06

And I think, you know, in order to even know that you have a scrawny cow, it's helpful to then look at what is beautiful to me. What is that, that I want to live into my life? Because if you haven't got something that is outside of mentioned earlier that it's like somebody can come along and rip your comfort zone right now, because that's, you know, like somebody will come to me and say, you know, I got the diagnosis of cancer and, and I'll say what is your dream? What is your hope? What is your wish? It's like, well, I just don't want to have cancer anymore. Like, they are still focusing, which to me, cancer is a scrawny cow, by the way. You that scrawny cow away from us, and it will be dramatic and know, I don't, I just don't want to have 'that'. And I said, well, if the cancer was gone, who would you be? Well I'd be the same person. No, you wouldn't. I can guarantee you, you wouldn't be the same person. And it's like you'll be somebody traumatic, and could potentially lead to a lot of really great who doesn't have cancer. That's a different person. So why I'm saying cancer is a scrawny cow? It could be anything. It could be the heartbreak of losing a loved one. It could be...or losing a job, or losing money, or losing your health in some other way. You know, a function of a body part. You know you're things, like it did for the farmer. The other option is for not as young as you used to be, and it's like, well, what are you believing? What is it that you really want? What would health, and I don't just mean physical health, look like or feellike or be like? It's going to require a mental health. It's going to require an emotional health and a spiritual health, us to be proactive and look at it from a higher place. And because otherwise, if you just do the surface aspect of the physical health, it doesn't have any roots, it doesn't have any longevity. This is why things come back. It's like if you go into deeper into the unknown, into that internal world of yourself, and you start looking at the mental health and the that's really how, if you want to wake up through joy and emotional health and the spiritual health. Now you're drawing roots down there so that when the hurricanes come or the storms of your life come, it's not going to knock you over or break you in half. You've got roots. And by the way, those roots, this is true in nature. Root system actually wind into inspiration, instead of having somebody else come along and rip other root systems. There's a whole community in a network under the ground that we don't even see. And so that's what we're as Soulful Leaders, looking at doing is going beneath the ground, beneath the surface, creating those root systems and connecting in with other roots as well, other the scrawny cow away, that's the path. So looking inside and trees, other humans, and it's like coming together, because that way we stand strong. And when I let go of my scrawny cow, I give permission for you, Maren, to let go of your scrawny cow. It empowers us. It's like, wow, she can do it. So can I.

Maren Oslac: 22:37

It does. And that's one of the reasons that we even have the Soulful Leader movement and the podcast and the project saying, what are my scrawny cows? You know, like, I would and all the things that we're doing, is because community is so important, like that, and the people that you surround yourself with, they can uplift you, or they can bring you down. And so if you don't have a community that is uplifting you come join us, you know, and bring great people along with love to just become aware of one of them in a kind and loving you, and struggling people along with you, right? Because... We are. We're about what is that highest uplift that we can all step into to empower each other, especially today! Oh my gosh, we really need that so see, yeah, we would love to hear from you about your scrawny cow. And you can find us online on the at The Soulful Leader on both Facebook and LinkedIn, and way, so that I can start to work with that.

Stephanie Allen: 23:30

Let's create a movement! you can also email us anytime visit - we've got two websites, TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com where you can listen to all the podcasts and The Soulful Leader Project at www.tslp.life where you can join our our movement, and bring your own momentum and join our movement. Do you want help finding your scrawny cow? Because sometimes that's hard too. We have lots of wonderful things coming up, so join in with us so that we can let you know what's coming up to really help you and really serve.

Maren Oslac: 24:01

And we never spam you. So join our email list. You'll get a cool free download, and then you'll get to hear from us once in a while. Excellent. Thank you so much, and we will see you all in a couple weeks on The Soulful Leader Podcast.

Stephanie Allen: 24:23

And that wraps up another episode of The Soulful Leader Podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac.

Maren Oslac: 24:31

Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website, at TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com

Stephanie Allen: 24:40

Until next time.