The Soulful Leader Podcast
The Soulful Leader Podcast
Hustle Isn’t Resilience
Resilience is hot! The word is being used in every context from problems, to theories, to solutions - as well as to push people to do even more.
So what is it really and why does that matter to you, your team, and your business?
Today, Stephanie and Maren dive into this maelstrom and talk candidly about what it is, why it's important to you and how to build true resilience within yourself, your team members and your business.
- 🧐 What if instead bouncing back, resilience meant taking a step forward?
- 🧐 What if instead of more willfulness, head-down-butt up-go-go-go, resilience meant ease and softening?
- 🧐 What if instead of fortifying the external, resilience meant working on the inner?
Most people are unwilling to look inside until something drastic happens and they’re broken open. That’s one option.
This week, Maren and Stephanie offer a different way.
- ➡️ An option that yes, takes effort, and it’s both more powerful AND gentler.
- ➡️ An option that builds true, inner resilience with vulnerability, courage, and self-awareness.
- ➡️ An option that opens up a more empowered future.
🎧 Listen to the other four Inner Mastery Podcasts:
Ep 183 Changing Outer Mayhem with Inner Mastery
Ep 184 Emotions Aren’t the Enemy: Turn Your Chaos Into Clarity
Ep 185 You’re Not Lost - You’re Being Called
Ep 186 When Doing More Still Isn’t Enough
💪 Want to go deeper?
Check out the Inner Mastery Series, our July deep dive to help you stop chasing and shift your paradigm.
🌐 Learn more at www.TSLP.life
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Watch the podcasts on our YouTube Channel: @Soulful Leaders
In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it?
Maren Oslac:Deep inside, you know, there's more to life. You're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you.
Stephanie Allen:That's what we invite you to explore with us. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen and
Maren Oslac:Maren Oslac, and this is The Soulful Leader Podcast.
Stephanie Allen:Yay, Hi. Welcome to The Soulful Leaders. This is Stephanie and I'm here with Maren, and we're continuing on this journey of Inner Mastery, and another component of what inner mastery even means. And looking at another level of calling resiliency, you know. And I think a lot of us think of being resilient, you know, I come from a background of the stiff upper lip kind of, kind of individuals in my family, of like, when someone's passing, when someone's dying, you know... don't you cry. You've got to be strong. Or we get kind of awarded for being able to walk through the fire and not feel a thing. And I'm going to tell you, that's not resiliency, that's just willfulness, and it's also disassociating from what we're really feeling. So I kind of want to start with what resilience isn't and it isn't just about head down, butt up, go through it. There's another higher version of it. For me, at least what I'm saying like, I know Brene Brown has talked a lot about vulnerability and has totally recoined our inner narrative of what that means. And I think that is so awesome, because to be vulnerable, to be real, to be honest, to feel, takes tremendous amount of courage, so we tend to think that that is weakness, when actually it's strength. And to me, that's resiliency. It's like to be able to be self aware enough to go, ooh, this is really hard. I'm hurting, and I know I still need to take an action, I still need to show up and do things, and I want to bring the best of myself forward. And I'm also a real human being too. So it's, it's having that inner space to be present to both.
Maren Oslac:So, I love that you're bringing up the emotional side of us when we talk about resilience. Because I do think that we... there's this history that true strength is not dealing with any of that, right? It's, it's saying, I'm, I'm bigger than that, and that does... you use the word human, like our true humanity when we don't look at it or address it or become friends with it or get to know how to work with our emotions, the energy in motion running through us. It literally denies a part of ourselves, an essential part of ourselves, yeah?
Stephanie Allen:We reject those parts in some ways, yeah...
Maren Oslac:We do...and there is a, there is a trans-human movement that is a human movement trying to get humans to be more like computers with you know, and saying that one of the faults, one of the flaws of humans, is our emotions. And I'm in a different... I'm of a different opinion than that. I think it's one of our greatest assets, and it is what separates us from computers and what makes us able to have compassion and empathy, and like all these magnificent things, I think it's one of our biggest strengths, and it becomes a liability only when we don't start to look at it or value it.
Stephanie Allen:And, yeah, I think when we reject it, like we push it away, is when it comes back with its rear of ugly head, and it, you know, it's like, and then it becomes really messy, rather than being able to acknowledge it and go, you know, there's a part of me that's really having a hard time or and I need some help. To me that's resiliency. It's like to be able to have that space to look at it all and also welcome, like to be inclusive, to be inclusive to all the parts within yourself, yeah, that are going on.
Maren Oslac:And it's like you can create a downward spiral of I won't look at it, I won't address it, so it gets worse, and then I don't like it anymore, and I like it even less. And so it gets worse, and then it just, oooo, right? Or we can create an upward spiral, and that upward spiral is resilience, because I'm willing to look at it, and then it doesn't hurt so much, and then I understand a little bit better about myself and somebody else and the inclusiveness within ourselves. Then it bubbles over to inclusiveness of other people and situations, and it's like, oh, there's this...it's dealing... it's working with the world completely, I almost said dealing with and it's not dealing with because that's at this transactional level. It's just, I have to deal with this, and I don't want to deal with it. I want to, like, revel in it and play with it. And all of this, this juiciness and goodness that is our right as humans, which computers don't have. And so how do we do that? We have to actually go through it. And that's what I think I'm hearing you say, is like, let's go through it and find the the treasure in it. We just talked about that in the last podcast, like we're sitting on freaking buried treasure and we don't even know it.
Stephanie Allen:Yeah, we're walking around begging and hungry for all this stuff, and it's right beneath our feet. It's right inside our hearts, actually. And I even look at that resilience of... I keep seeing silence in that word, like, it's just like, re-silence. And it's like, do we make space to just listen? It's like, you know, I have friends of mine who go out and hike, and they go like, yeah, that's my meditation. I go out into nature and I garden, or I go for a wet hike in the woods and like, and do you make space for just silence with that time? Just being that is a practice, and to me, that's what creates like that silence then allows that space for things to start to come up and then to dissipate, to move.
Maren Oslac:Yeah, I know I am one of those people who gardens. I also walk in the woods, and I have a couple of different processes with that. Sometimes I'll use that time to listen to podcasts and reflect and that type of thing. And more often, I'm just with the plants. I'm with the soil, I'm with, I'm in the silence and listening to the little bugs crawling on my feet and, yeah, I mean, the stuff that's out there and the joy of it. So that is a practice that I do, and it's done intentionally, not just to get a plant in the ground. It's more than that. It's time for me. It's that silent time for me. I also have my own meditation practices, and, you know, spiritual practices that I do every morning and every night. So that's in addition to and it does take practice. So looking at, what are the where are the places in your lives where you make space for silence, to listen and not judge? That's the biggest thing.
Stephanie Allen:So I think what we're saying is that Inner Mastery is like, what is your process or your practice that allows you that space, that silence, to look within and to give something space and even what that means to you, so that you can you can transform, you can grow. You can learn from it. You can let go of who you think you are, so you can become who you're meant to become. I always say that one. It's like we get really rigid. When we when we're rigid, we don't bounce back. We actually crack open, we break. And so that whole idea of resiliency is also about bouncing back. And I don't necessarily think about bouncing back is is a good thing. It's like, sometimes we just feel like a bouncing ball and we're all over the place. But it's like, you want to have a little bit of softness, that softness that you don't break, but that you can absorb, but also transform it. Because we want to observe it, not necessarily take it all in. We can observe it and then utilize it. Like even everybody's garbage, like I always think of this time of year, of springtime, people are spring cleaning, and they're throwing things out. And we used to, we used to have this, this spring cleanup, and they've since stopped it. And I'm kind of sad about it, because it was so much fun, because everyone would put all of their quote, unquote 'garbage' out to the curbside, and then about dusk, people would like creep around and look at everybody else's garbage. And it was so funny, because there'd be, like, people kind of creeping around, and then they'd, like, jump out, grab that thing, put it in the car, don't let them see us, because we'd be stealing each other's garbage. And why I say that as a resiliency thing is, like, sometimes what we think is coming up is our own garbage, but it's actually treasure to someone else. Someone else sees a totally different possibility with it. They, you know, strip it down. They repurpose it. They, you know, change a couple things on it, and all of a sudden it becomes gold. And I think we throw out ourselves a lot, yeah, and that's that black and white thinking, or that rigidity thinking that does not make us resilient, that head down, keep going make it happen, like what if we could have a little space where we can say, okay, let's air this out. Let's bring the garbage out to the curb, and allow ourselves to maybe look at it from a different perspective.
Maren Oslac:I think that most of the time, because we take our gifts for granted...so the thing that you do most naturally is often times the thing that you least value. And you assume that everybody else can do it, there's no value in it, because it comes so naturally to you that you're like, you can't, I can't make money doing that... everybody... like we have this assumption that if it comes that easily to us, it comes that easily to everybody else. So your metaphor of like putting our trash out, I think so often the trash that we put out is our golden gifts, and to have somebody else look at that from this place, of like, that's amazing. That's like, that alone would be just, I wish we could do that exercise, your garbage exercise. But everybody actually, instead of creeping around, don't, don't let anyone see me stealing this trash, right? Of like, hey, that's that's really cool, what is that, you know. So that we get to actually hear that somebody else values and go, oh, that's an opportunity to look at that differently. Because you had mentioned that having some of that softness keeps us from, you know, breaking open. If you don't have softness, you break open. And there are many roads to Rome, to waking up, to the next level, one of which is that you get broken open.
Stephanie Allen:Yeah, it happens.
Maren Oslac:I mean, that that's where most people go. It's like, we don't... we're unwilling to look inside until we get smashed apart and then we go, oh, that's all I can do, is look inside. So it's not a bad thing. It happens. We're just saying that there are also other options.
Stephanie Allen:Yeah, and even when you get smashed open or broken open, yeah, wouldn't it be nice to know there was a way to do it with love and kindness and gentleness too, that you can stay
Maren Oslac:Because it's going to happen again...(laughter)....
Stephanie Allen:Yeah, but you could say, wow, okay, this is an interesting experience. My heart is broken, and to have somebody to be with you to say, let's find the gifts together. Like that is totally positive. You don't have to go through it alone. You know,we tend to think, oh, we're better off all on our own. I mean, I can hear that one in myself a lot of times. And, you know, I recently broke my arm, and I realized there's a lot of things I can't do on my own with just one hand. I need to ask for help, and perhaps this breaks open a new way of looking and being... there's that trash, right? I'm thinking it's all great and wonderful that I can do everything self sufficiently until I can't, and instead of allowing my body to break, what if I can let my ego to break? And I really think resiliency is softening the ego, because it's the ego that we get so identified with. And I use the acronym of ego as Edging Good Out. You know, it was like I got this all figured out. I don't need anybody else. It's all good. You know, I don't need help... until we do right, until we do, and that's the resiliency, like you will... things will come better. And I think, you know, having that paradigm too, it's like we tend to think, why is this happening to me instead of why, maybe it's happening FOR you. Maybe it's a clean break, that you're allowing yourself to have a whole new way of being, that it's opening up for something that you wouldn't have otherwise been ready for.
Maren Oslac:I love that shift of question. You know, whenever I do that, that's a regular practice of mine, whenever I get into my own drama, is okay, I just stop and go, Okay. How is this, how is this happening for me?
Stephanie Allen:Yeah.
Maren Oslac:Such a shift of mindset, of like, everything. And, you know, I think that concept 'shifting your mindset' has become so common that we don't appreciate what it actually does. When we shift our mindset, entirely different possibilities show up for us. So just recently, I was planning to take a trip, and I had a bunch of stuff to get done before I went. And so I was pushing through. Oh, we're all, we've all been there, right? And again, this time I got it, that's all the stuff, right? And I literally gave myself a migraine, and it made me sick to myself, sick to my stomach. And while I'm in this migraine and sick to my stomach, I just need to get this stuff done so I could leave at five o'clock in the morning. And I stopped. I stopped, and I was like, there's a higher way, because I feel like crap, and I know I did it to myself. I at least had that much self awareness of like I did this to myself. And so I went to the highest possible... like, okay, I know that the outer world plan is to leave at 5am so that I miss the traffic, so I do this and all of the things. And if I break that, like, this whole chain of domino stuff is going to fall apart. And so I went to... but what's the intention behind the trip? And it's so that I get to see my mom, I get to spend some time with her, and then also like, okay, so what is my intention in my life in general? I want to make sure I have time for my life, mission, work. I want to make sure that I have time for the all the plants that I've been growing, and I want to also surrender my ego, that's one of the things that I've been working on, and be in flow with all of it. And when I let go of all of the "It needs to look like this".
Stephanie Allen:Yeah, like all your attachments.
Maren Oslac:Yeah all my attachments. I was very attached to how they were it was supposed to work. This other plan suddenly became available to me, and I was like... oh my God, I would... Okay, we'll do it that way. And that's where, when you have... when you can shift your mindset, something else completely opens. And the other benefit of it like, instantly my headache was gone, and I didn't feel sick to my stomach, and I had space to do all of this stuff. And the trip is still happening. It's just, it's like, it was amazing what a shift of mindset can do.
Stephanie Allen:So I think that's what we're saying, is so resiliency isn't about what you're doing. It's about shifting your mindset in one ways, but also being open to a whole new possibility, so letting go of the ego, completely surrendering to what also wants to happen for you by paying attention. It's not like, oh, I'm just going to shift. And you know what? If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, it'll just happen. No, it's like actually being open to that awareness to say, okay, what wants to happen then? If my ego is creating suffering right now and breaking me, and my ego's being broken, then there's another way. There's another way to be present to what wants to happen. Do you have a practice to do that? Do you have like and I'm asking that to myself, to others, it's like, you know, is there a process that you can really work with that, or individuals that you can talk to to say, hey, I'm looking for... I'm looking for another way to look at this. Can you help me? I often will say, when you think about something or when you're trying to get a goal in your life done, and it's not coming through. I said, what do you, what are you believing? Because that word, what you believe, is what you will be living. It's the same. So the inner is the outer, what I am believing is going to create my behavior. So if I say what I'm believing does, does it empower me? Do I... do I feel safe and at peace with that belief? Or am I irritated? And if I'm irritated, it's going to create an inflammation cycle. It's going to create reaction. I will not be resilient. I can tell you that. I will fight, fight, fight, fight, or I'll just give up. But if it empowers me, you know, I was listening to someone the other day, and they were talking about...you know, you kind of get that victim attitude of, like, Oh, it doesn't matter. Everything I do doesn't turn out anyway. Like, I'm just a hot mess. It doesn't matter. Like, What the... what's the plan? I'm like, so when you believe that, I said this to this person, I said, when you believe that, what happens to your breathing and your body, and the person said, well, I tighten up and I stopped breathing, and I'm like, that's not very resilient. Does that empower you? She goes, hell no. It keeps me up at night. It makes chronic pain in my body. Exactly I said. So I'm not saying that you're gonna, you know, find a belief system that's not true. I want you to find one that is true but also empowers you. So what would that be? It's like, well, maybe there's something that's that's better coming for me, like that maybe there's another option that I haven't thought about yet. And I said, okay, so how does that one sit in your body? She goes, well, I automatically take a deep breath, and I sigh and I relax. I go so is that more empowering? Yeah, so then practice THAT belief, and that will shift your perspective, that will shift your inner mindset, but it also changes your resiliency. You're going to be far more in flow. You'll be able to glide and move and change direction much easier than if you're tight and rigid or helpless.
Maren Oslac:Yeah, I love that as a practice. And I think if we can just start with little pieces like that, it makes all the difference in the world. So the idea of a practice is something that you do on a regular basis. So when we start doing that, little bits at a time, everything starts to change. So we do have an Inner Mastery Series, both the free version here on the podcast. So tune into that. The last few podcasts have been a part of it. We'll have one more of those, and then also we're doing one that goes deeper and gives you practices and provides a community. So if you're interested in that, you can visit our website,
https://tslp.life/ or contact us either on Facebook or at The Soulful Leaders, or on LinkedIn, we're at The Soulful Leaders, and now we're on YouTube at The Soulful Leaders. Imagine that.! So we hope to see you either here again next week or on our Inner Mastery with us in July, we'll see you all on the next Soulful Leader Podcast.
Stephanie Allen:And that wraps up another episode of the soulful leader Podcast with your hosts, Stephanie Allen
Maren Oslac:and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website, at www.thesoulfulleaderpodcast.com
Stephanie Allen:Until next time...