Running on Fumes Isn't Strength

You're doing all the things. Checking every box. Pushing through. And yet the mountain in front of you still looms.

You’ve been told that needing support is a weakness, so you keep going- running on fumes.

In this episode, Stephanie and Maren get real about what happens when achievers hit empty — and why the instinct to push through ‘one more thing’ is actually flawed conditioning, not real wisdom. Drawing on bodywork truths, real-life business coaching moments, and a surprisingly powerful metaphor about gas tanks, they explore the empowerment of being able to stop, soften, and ask for help.

If you’re living the ‘I-need-to-just-get-through-this-one-thing’ life, or haven’t yet recognized that asking for help just might be the most powerful thing you do (for you AND those around you), today’s podcast is for you.

In This Episode

• Why "less is more" is more than a meme — and how to actually live it
• Reframing how you approach struggle with a clear, helpful analogy
• What happens in a conversation when one person softens first
• Maren's honest moment of vulnerability with her business coach — and what it unlocked
• Stephanie's 15-minute rule for getting unstuck without draining yourself
• Why the silo mentality is keeping all of us stuck
• The belief system shift you need *before* you can ask for help

Does this sound like someone you love? Do them a favor and share it with them while you’re thinking about it.

TRANSCRIPT

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Transcript

Welcome To Soulful Leadership

Stephanie 0:03

In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Maren 0:10

Deep inside, you know there's more to life. You're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you.

Stephanie 0:19

T hat's what we invite you to explore with us. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen,

Maren 0:24

and Maren Oslac.

Maren and Stephanie 0:26

And this is the Soulful Leader Podcast.

Overdoing

Stephanie 0:30

Yay! Have you ever had so much going on in your life that there just isn't any time or energy or even space for yourself? It's like you know, you're running on fumes on your gas tank, and you realize you don't even know if you're gonna make it to the gas station to fill up. Like you're just you're exhausted and you don't know how to get off of this. Like you don't know how to to get out of this pattern. It's like it seems no matter what you do, you get behind. And there's a tendency, there's a tendency for, or at least I know in my mind, there's a tendency that I'm like, oh, I have to try harder. I have to be better, I have to fix this, I have to force it. And what if it was actually the opposite? What if it was actually giving you permission to just stop?

Is Less Actually More?

Maren 1:26

You know, it makes me think of the, you know, there's that, I guess it's a kind of a meme, less is more. So often you know, people say that. I know I say that, and it fits in lots of different circumstances, and yet what does it mean? How do we really apply that?

Stephanie 1:48

Less is more because society tells us more is more, yeah, and that hard, like being hard-hearted or like it, you know, just it it's it's just business, you know, just move forward and pummel it, you know. And I think of when I think of the body work that I do, you know, sometimes people just want to get in there and strip the living daylights out of a muscle, like get that elbow in there and go hard and you know, punish it. And I always think of it. If you think of a baby crying, you're not gonna go in there and pick up the baby and spank the baby. You're gonna gently hold the baby and rock it and create an environment for it to feel safe. You're actually gonna soften. And I know that this is true with the body work that I do is like instead of going in there and trying to beat or pommel up the sore muscle, sometimes if you actually just gently, gently allow the space to relax and soften, the body will then go, okay, it's safe, and it relaxes. The same is true with the...

Maren 2:52

I think about that in an argument, right? If you're in an argument with somebody or if you're in a disagreement and you're like, no, it's my way, no, it's my way, and you're just butting heads. Yeah, if one of the people says, tell me about your way, instead of no, I know, all of a sudden there's a softening of like, you want to know about my way? Yeah, I do. Tell me more.

Stephanie 3:18

And what you're just seeing right there is that all of a sudden there's a space for a conversation or perspective, or when I'm talking about body work, there's a space for healing to happen.

Maren 3:33

So going back to where you started, you know, it's like when we feel run down, run over, like we're running on fumes. How does that apply?

Before You Crash

Stephanie 3:43

Well, I think you know, what happens is that we end up end up crashing, like we end up either having a meltdown, getting sick, hurting ourselves, hurting someone else, hurting someone else. Like there's there's pain or suffering that happens. And what if we didn't have to wait till that pain or suffering to happen? Like you're already out of gas. What if you just pulled over and said and asked for help? What if you just pulled over and said, Okay, I'm out of gas. This is a metaphor. I might need to call, you know, CAA or AAA kind of thing, and have them come and tell me. That's okay. Or maybe it's this realization of like, I need to say no to something. Maybe it's in the outer world, like you know, to to someone or to something, but sometimes it maybe it's no to a way of thinking in your own consciousness, like if we're ungrateful or if we're complaining, that doesn't get us anywhere.

Maren 4:44

It's not helpful. No, it really isn't. And we're not... when you said that, maybe you just need to stop and ask for help. Like parts of me oh, we can't ask for help, right? That's it's so taboo in our culture. Well, I know we're told it looks like it's weak or something, right? It's not so tell me about that. What do you mean by it's not? Because I hear that's kind of like that less is more thing. I hear the words, and I don't know what that means. Tell me what that means is it it's not.

Weakness? Or A Doorway?

Stephanie 5:23

The best way to put it would be there are things that all of us have gifts and strengths, and we all have weaknesses, and we tend to look at those weaknesses as failures, and so we tend to put all our energy into either adapting, meaning avoiding those weaknesses at all costs or hiding them, covering them up, don't let anybody see your weakness instead of saying acknowledging them, going, okay, I'm out of gas. Okay, but there's somebody else whose gift is to give you gas. And when we ask for help, we're actually enrolling someone else to be in that in that hero role, or in that you know we're allowing them to actually give us their gifts.

Maren 6:19

Well, I'm gonna use the word you used earlier: space. It's like I've made space inside of myself for the value that somebody else has to bring.

Stephanie 6:30

Yeah.

Maren 6:31

When I'm so independent all the time and fighting for myself, it's that there's no space, there's no opening to allow somebody else any value. And they're doing the same thing. And if they're doing the same thing, that means that they can't see my value because they're so busy trying to prove their own value. So all of us are out there just trying to prove our own value. Nobody's actually listening, there's no space.

Stephanie 6:55

So exactly, that's exactly it. And also, if you're not asking for help, you're probably cranky, as all get out. And you know, who wants to be around a cranky, prickly person? It's like, you know, this you know, this freaking cactus coming in. Don't get too close. I'm cranky. And it's like, well, yeah, I'm not gonna help you. You're freaking prickly. But if we soften that same idea that you said about the dialogue, when they soften, you're like, yeah, I'm just really not good at this. Can you help me? There is such a connection, there's such intimacy with that, and that is the closeness that it's like, wow, you're acknowledging me that I can help you. That's so lovely. I hope I can. If I can't, I'll find somebody who can. You know, but what you're doing is you're enrolling this intimate, vulnerable, loving connection, and there's space for possibility of a whole new seeing ourselves and seeing each other and and seeing the relationship completely different.

Learning to Say "I Don’t Know"

Maren 7:55

So our audience doesn't necessarily know that this is like my fifth business that I have, right? So I've had multiple businesses. Stephanie also has multiple businesses and been very successful in my businesses. And one of the things that I did earlier this year was I enrolled a coach, a business coach. And I'm thinking about it from the perspective that you're talking right now. And it would be really easy, and I have done this, so I'm definitely not above it of like, oh, I've been successful in business, so I know what I'm doing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? That's my ego talking. And things change on a regular basis. And I was like, you know what? I need help. And so I had a meeting with that coach today, and there were some things that he said that's like, oh gosh, I know that already. And it was a really good reminder in a timely fashion. And then there were some things that I was like, oh, I hadn't considered it like that. And it felt vulnerable to put myself in a position to say, I don't know. When my ego wanted to be like, oh no, I know I have successful business. I need to prove myself, I need to keep making sure everybody knows that I have success. Like, whatever, right? It was so much so exhausting. Yeah, it's exhausting to do that, and it was so much more empowering and powerful to say, I don't know. Tell me, you know, and it enrolled him in a dialogue and it gave me ideas, it was so wonderful, and just that as a reminder inside myself to do that with myself too.

The 15 Minute Rule

Stephanie 9:48

Yeah, I have this 15-minute rule I'm starting to learn now is that if I'm struggling with something, and you know this one, because I've called you to help me on things, because you're really good at things that I am really not so great, or nor am I interested in all that much. But when I have, say, a problem with technology, I'm like, who can I call to help me? And my old self would say, oh, I don't want to bother them. But they're masterful at it, it's not even a bother. They're like, oh Steph, you do this, this, and this, and you're done. You know, or if I have issues around banking or like find people who where you're weak, find either a system or a person that could help you be in that place. So when when I'm stuck with something, see, there's nothing that drives me crazier than trying to, like in this whole new world of AI, and you have to go through the chat bot, drives me crazy. Because half the time my question does not fit in the chat box. Like, I mean, it just doesn't, it's like file not found. Right. I'm like, can I just talk to a human bing bing that can like decipher what the hell I'm needing? Cause I don't know what I'm needing right now. So I do find, I do find it struggle with with the AI. And so I'm looking for somebody who can help me with that. Because I could just spend an entire day struggling over something, and then my energy is completely depleted. I'm probably cranky as I'll get out. I and then I'm tired and I just want to go to bed, and I can't serve anybody else because I'm just too cranky. So all of a sudden, it's this, this, you know, this this effect that I'm now useless to everybody else that I'm here to serve. Yeah. Instead of now, what I've done with myself, I said, okay, in 15 minutes, if I cannot solve this problem by going on to Google or YouTube or whatever, and I can't solve the problem myself, then who do I need to talk to? There's somebody who knows how to do this. Even even to direct me with a question on Google, they could help me.

Maren 11:55

I love this because you have set a time limit and you said, okay, if if me making something happen doesn't happen with you know, if it's so much of a struggle within five 15 minutes, you know what? I'm gonna stop and make space. I'm gonna open that door and say, there's somebody else, which now you're empowering somebody else too in your world, right? And it's such a different paradigm, and one that we really need to be embracing right now as a culture. We've done the me, me, me, me, me thing. I have to do it all by myself, pull myself up by my bootstraps, etc., etc. And you know, when I look around the world and see where it's gotten us, I'm not really impressed.

Collaboration Over The Silo Mentality

Stephanie 12:44

No, because it's the silo mentality, right? It's like you put everybody in a silo instead of like, what if we all can work together? Everybody, everybody has a different attribute, everyone has a different gift for a reason. Actually, like a big combination lock that each one of us has a number to open up the safe.

Maren 13:04

Oh, I love that.

Stephanie 13:05

And when I keep trying the same number, which is me, I never get the combination because and then we yell at the safe, it's stupid safe, it's not opening, stupid me, I can't do it. Stupid world, I hate this world, you know, and then we just how how is that helpful to anybody, including ourselves?

Maren 13:23

Not at all.

Stephanie 13:24

So there's this shift from moving from self-pity, because I really truly believe that's where I go. It's like, oh, poor me, to what if my the reason I can't get this is that I am actually meant to enroll someone else, to be in relationship, because it's it's about more than just me. Because when I can solve a problem or I can get a problem that I have solved, then it frees up my energy so that I can really live my strengths and I can really be in service to so many others. And it just makes the world so much better, so much kinder.

Space For A New Way

Maren 14:00

That space piece is critical for us as a culture, for us as individuals. And there are so many places I can't wait to do more podcasts around this piece of space. And for today, really just kind of as a recap, thinking about if your gas tank is empty, if you're running on fumes, if you're running from this to this to this, and oftentimes super high achievers do that, and we run to the next thing because it's scary to just stop to ask for help, to allow some space.

Stephanie 14:42

So I would say if you're running in fumes and you're running an empty, what is the new belief system you need to have so that you could ask for help? Because there's some sort of gas in your tank that's that's eroding you, that's depleting you, that says either I'm useless or I'm no good or I'm not enough. All those things that are eroding, like you have to change a belief about yourself and about the world. Even if I ask for help and I won't get it, it's like, well, keep asking because eventually you will get it.

Maren 15:13

You'll learn. It could even be a belief that like I've done all this stuff and I still feel empty, right? Like, so it may not even be that you're feeling like you're it still may be that you're feeling you're not enough because okay, I did all this stuff and I like now what there's there's got to be more, and that is all going to require space and allowing yourself to breathe, and there's more to it, which maybe we'll get into stay tuned in another podcast. If you're interested, you can find out more about us on our website, www.tslp.life. And we're on this podcast every other week. So subscribe, come join us. We'd love to hear from you. See you in a couple weeks on The Soulful Leader Podcast.

Stephanie 16:17

And that wraps up another episode of the Soulful Leader Podcast with your hosts, Stephanie,

Maren 16:25

and Maren Oslac. Thank you for listening. If you'd like to dive deeper, head over to our website at www.TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com.

Stephanie 16:34

Until next time.