The Soulful Leader Podcast

As a Soulful Leader you want your success to mean something. Professionally, you're flourishing. Personally, you're still searching. Deep inside you know there has to be more to life. Acknowledging that your outer world doesn’t align with your inner longings can feel scary and overwhelming. In a world where achievements and accolades motivate us to do more and be more, we’re often left wondering, “Is this really it?” Instead of sticking to the status quo, you’re ready to embrace a new way of being, thinking, feeling, and doing so you can fulfill the deeper life that’s calling you. We’re your hosts, Stephanie Allen and Maren Oslac. We’re both soulful leaders in our own right whose lives have been dedicated to living that 'something more'. We can’t wait to save you time and share the shortcuts we’ve uncovered. By tuning into the Soulful Leader Podcast you’ll discover that you don’t need to sacrifice to find meaning, success or true happiness. Instead, you’ll learn practical solutions infused with a healthy dose of woo for tapping into your Divine DNA. We’ll help you see that going inward is the secret. Each week we break down the barriers that will help you decrease your stress, find that fulfillment, and create the conditions so you can thrive in life.

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The Soulful Leader Podcast

Stop the Dream Killers

July 14, 2026 • Stephanie Allen & Maren Oslac • Season 2 • Episode 214

0:00 | 25:36

You had a dream once. Maybe you still do — buried under "being realistic," other people's opinions, and the quiet voice that says "who do you think you are?"

In this episode, Stephanie and Maren share their own stories about dream killers — both the external ones (threatened bosses or co-workers, well meaning parents, etc) and the internal ones (our own fears and doubts, the stories we tell ourselves).

If you've ever talked yourself out of something big, felt pressured by someone else's success, or quietly put a lid on your own potential to stay comfortable — this one's for you.

There’s a truth you may not realize: you cannot have a longing that doesn't already exist in your future. Your dream is there for a reason. The challenge is continuing to choose it.

That’s what today’s episode will help you do - find the support you need to claim your dream and stop the dream killers.

🙌 If this episode stirred something in you — a dream you've been sitting on, a longing you've been dismissing — we want to hear about it.

📨 Share your answer with us at support@tslp.life or find us on social media @SoulfulLeaders

✍️ Here’s a great question to consider this week: If no one in your life would ever know what you chose, what would you choose?

Content note: This episode includes open conversations about self-doubt, playing small, and the emotional weight of going after your dreams. Approached with warmth, humor, and a whole lot of heart.*

TRANSCRIPT

YouTube Video

RESOURCES:

- 11:01 The Two Wolves parable — classic Cherokee story

- 11:49 "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us." ~Marianne Williamson from A Return to Love

- 16:20 “Is it true?” from Byron Katie's "The Work": thework.com

Love this episode? Rate and review us on Apple Podcasts—it helps other soulful leaders find us!

Have a question or topic suggestion? We'd love to hear from you. Reach out through our website or social media.

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Welcome To The Soulful Leader

Stephanie 0:03

In a world where we have everything and it's still not enough, we're often left wondering, is this really it?

Maren 0:10

Deep inside, you know there's more to life. You're ready to leave behind the old push your way through and claim the deeper, more meaningful life that's calling you.

Stephanie 0:19

That's what we invite you to explore with us. We're your hosts, Stephanie Allen

Maren 0:24

and Maren Oslac,

Stephanie and Maren 0:25

And this is The Soulful Leader Podcast.

Everyone Seems to Have an Opinion

Stephanie 0:30

Yay! Have you ever had a dream? You know, something that you longed for, a desire, an ideal, a wish, only to have somebody else say, oh yeah, you can't do that, or that won't, that doesn't work for me, or that'll that'll never work out. Like you're not being realistic. You know, it's interesting. I have a... I've had a dream for a long time of restoring an old barn that I have that's on my property. And part of me have has had this idea of what I want it to become, but I'm also open to how it's meant to unfold. And over this last, you know, six months, it's actually started to happen. I actually have somebody who's like raising it and fixing it, and it's beautiful. But I it's interesting because what it's done is it's stirred up everyone around me, like all my neighbors. What are you doing? What's happening over there? And I don't know if you've ever driven down a street sometimes and you'd have like a bunch of houses that are kind of they're not necessarily fixed up, and then all of a sudden someone goes out and they start painting their house and they start mowing the lawn and putting in a garden and fixing things up. And now the house that kind of looked pretty good next to it is now looking pretty shabby. It's like, oh, I better, maybe I'm not looking so good as the Joneses. And I'm not saying about competing about that. That's not what I'm saying. It's just that when we go for our dreams, it gives permission for those around us to also go for their dreams if we look at it that way. And so what happened to me on one side of my home, my neighbor up-leveled his whole yard and cleaned it up and started to design his and made it really, really beautiful. On the other side, they also started to kind of fix it up. But one of them was really, really not happy with me and told me I was too much and it was overwhelming, and it was, you know, encroaching into their space. And why did I have to make it so big and so beautiful? He did not say beautiful, but why do I have to be so much? I kind of took it in my heart at first, and I could feel that reaction of like, how dare you? But then I thought, you know, if I put myself in their shoes, how might I look at if somebody next to me goes for their dream and I am having a hard time with what I got going on, it can it can bring up stuff. Like, am I good enough? Can I do that too? Or, you know, if I give myself permission to actually go for my dream, what will I have to let go of? Like it brings up a lot of questions. And so sometimes people lift up with it, and other times, and I unfortunately would like to say a lot of times people try to kill your dreams so that they don't have to live theirs.

The Crabs In A Bucket Effect

Maren 3:39

Well, I love first of all, I love the analogy of the house and our internal dream killers, right? Because when we can look at it as just flatland of, you know, well, that's just going on in the neighborhood. And I like that you took it to the inward place of it's our actual, you know, this is a representation of our actual dreams. And how often in life have we thought somebody else is a little bit too you're a little over the top, you're a little too much. Slow down there, whoa, Nelly. Or somebody said that to us in some place where we're like on a high, and it reminds me of the story of the crabs in the bucket. So supposedly, I don't know if it's true or not. People who live by the seashore will be able to tell us that, ahem ahem... Stephanie. Anyway, if you put crabs in a bucket and one of them tries to get out, the other crabs will actually pull it back down. How dare you escape? And we do that to each other, we do that to ourselves. Why do we do that? Right? That's the question.

Stephanie 5:02

Because it's familiar. I think the... you know, the mediocrity or hey, shouldn't I just be grateful? My life is pretty good. You know, I'm not starving, I got a roof over my head, I should just be grateful. Why push the envelope? Why, why go for a dream when this is enough? It is enough. And you know, that's a that's a very valid point. It's just that when someone else is going for their dream, instead of pulling them down like the crabs, what if you could create an environment to help them go for it? And that requires a different way of thinking and believing, that requires a different internal mindset.

Maren 5:42

It really does. And when we think about that, I know for myself, I was I was, I think it's the Catholic guilt. I have too much, it's not okay, it's not spiritual to have so much. And I've been very blessed. I have a lot. And yet there's this other side to it where it really is about if I settle and I say, if I put a lid on it and say, I can't have any more, that's it. Then I don't have space to support other people who want ... who, you know, it's like it it squashes everything. It puts a lid on everything. And when you put a lid on something, it, you know, like think of a boiling pot, right? That's got all this energy and has got nowhere to go. So it it condenses the stuff that's inside. And that's what ends up happening to us is we get smaller and smaller and smaller inside,

Stephanie 6:50

and the pressure is more and more and more.

Maren 6:52

And the pressure is more and more and more. So, how do we start to release that without it exploding? I think that's the other piece, is because that pressure has built up, and maybe this is what your neighbors are experiencing is their external pressure.

Is Playing It Safe Really Safe?

Stephanie 7:12

I had an experience when I was in my 20s. I was working at my job, and my best friend called me and said, hey, I have this really great opportunity to leave Toronto and head down to Los Angeles. And I've never even been there, don't even know where it is. I remember her saying this to me. And she said, it's totally the unknown for me, but it feels like this could be a really amazing life experience. And I remember, because you can go oh, I'm so jealous. Because I mean, I always wanted to live in California, I always wanted to live, like surf and do all that kind of stuff. And here she is going to live where I love to go. And I could have been jealous, I could have been a dream killer and said, why are you doing that? You know, you're so much better here in Canada. And yeah, I could have done all kinds of things. Instead, I said... go for it. Go for it. And I watched her life far exceed what we ever thought we could ever do as kids when we grew up together. Like she traveled the world, she was able to, you know, experience things that we didn't even imagine. And I remember telling her that she empowered me. Just her life alone empowered me. Because if she could do it, and we both came from the same small town in you know, Nova Scotia, Canada, in a little tiny rural place, if she can do it and go for it, so can I.

Maren 8:42

Yeah.

Stephanie 8:43

Now that was in my 20s. So dream killers, you can either, you know, when we kill a dream outside of somebody else's dream, we're actually doing that because we've already killed our own internal dream. Somewhere inside, we've already buried it. I was young enough to know that if she's gonna go for her dream, then I can too. What would that be like? Can I even I don't know what that is? Could I be open to it? And it changed my life.

Staying Small

Maren 9:14

I love that. And I think that we could ask ourselves a question of how do we benefit from staying small? Right, right, and, or so then... there's two other pieces to that of on the incoming, like who benefits in our life, you know, the external dream killers, like your neighbors, right? So how do they benefit from keeping you small, right? So we're looking at how do I benefit by keep from keeping myself small? And an example of that is one of the ways that I benefit from keep from staying small is I don't have to risk anything. Ah, life is good enough, I'm comfortable enough, right? So it's our biggest fear. Oh, who says this? Is it Marianne Williamson?

Stephanie 10:14

Our biggest fear is not our darkness, but our light.

Maren 10:18

Yeah, it's that we could be the greatest ever, right? Like it's that highest potential.

Stephanie 10:24

Well, yeah, and the more light you have, the more darkness you also have, too. You can't- we have the polarity, so I'm gonna reverse that because if you're feeling down and hopeless and helpless, if you're feeling that darkness, it's because you have a lot of buried light. It's a different way of looking at it. Or if you're in a town where there's a lot of darkness, there's a lot of things that are, or city that, or the world where we're seeing so much darkness or so much heaviness, it's because there's also so much light. All we need to do is shift our perspective. The old story of the the grandfather and the grandson, who are the story of the two wolves, and the wolves are hungry, and the grandson says to the grandfather, which wolf will live? And the grandfather says, the one you feed. So if you feed the dream killers, they will continue to live. If you feed the darkness, it will continue to grow. But if you feed the light and you feed your dreams, they too will begin to grow. So, where do you want to put your time and your energy and your focus?

Maren 11:38

Because where we put our focus is what gets bigger in our lives. I actually found the Marianne Williamson quote. It says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light and not our darkness that most frightens us." And so to go back to what we're talking about, of that is the piece, that that's where I benefit, or part of me benefits from not going all in, is I can stay safe, I can stay comfortable in I got enough, I got plenty, right? And so then... go ahead.

Stephanie 12:25

There's also there's also a saying, and I always love this too. It's like, this is wonderful to be totally loving and accepting of where you are and being grateful. That's wonderful. But like anything, if you just sit there... think of a road. If you just sit there, you will still get run over. There are things that we are meant to travel along the road toward.

Maren 12:46

Yeah.

Fear Of Your Own Light

Stephanie 12:48

It's not about going fast, but it's about moving towards something. You can either be moving away from something, which a lot of people are away from type of people, or we can be moving towards something. Which feels better in your mind and in your body to run away, to turn away, or to turn towards.

Maren 13:17

We don't know what we, what our soul, like it feels like we're called to something. It feels like there's something that I want to be doing that, and yet we're conditioned to do what society tells us to do. So we do all the things and we check all the boxes and we don't feel fulfilled. So we have the stuff and it feels like enough. And and then we don't want to break anything because you know, like I worked really hard to get here, to get to this place of I'm comfortable, even though inside I don't feel comfortable.

Stephanie 13:54

There's something like eating at me, yeah, like sandpaper, something grating against me, and I just I just don't like it in some way.

Maren 14:04

Yeah. So that's another place where that the external conditioning of how we've been told that we should live and following that thread is another place that that's a dream killer in the way that then I don't want to break, don't shake this up too much because something might go wrong. So I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna truly go for it. And then when I see somebody else truly going for it, that makes that sandpaper rub a little bit harder. And you want to go, hey, stop that. You're gonna, you're gonna something's gonna fall apart, and it might be my life. So stop it.

Embracing What You Really Want

Stephanie 14:53

And what happens when you really go for a dream is you actually have to become a different person to live the new dream. You cannot stay the same and live the dream that's in your heart.

Maren 15:02

Yeah,

Stephanie 15:02

You have to change. Again, another parable of the, you know, you can't keep your foot on first and steal second base. You have to let go of where you are in order to go to where you want to be. And that's scary. And it can be scary because you might get, you know, caught and and sent back home again, you know, and have to repeat it. You know, you're out, and that's okay. That's okay. Start again, start again, start again. We can't keep throwing our past experiences in front of us. We need to learn from our past experiences, but again, we're not the same person that had that experience, right? We are a different person now, right? And to remind yourself, so don't be your own dream killer, those are the most dangerous parts.

Maren 15:54

Yeah, you know, where all the places where we say, oh, I know how that ends. I've done that already. Well, actually, the person who did that is not who you are today. So, do you truly know how that ends? That's one of those dream killer places, you know. Like if you're saying stuff like that to yourself, you might catch it and say, hmm, is it true? The Byron Katie stuff of is it true? You know, and so the... so far we've talked about like the two of them, how I am a dream killer for my own stuff, and how I might be, you know, dream killing somebody else's. And then there's the third piece, which is where is... where there's... where is there somebody, or how might my going for my dreams threaten somebody else? And that actually we did kind of talk about that because that's kind of where your neighbors are. And when I let go of the shore or take my foot off of first to steal second, there's a team of people that it could be threatening to them that I'm stealing, or they could be excited about it, right? I could go either way. There might be people who are going, no, no, no, no, no. And people are going, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Stephanie 17:16

Yeah. So it's a good idea to look within yourself and say, you know, A: what is the dream? And even to say to yourself, if I, because every single soul has been given a dream, a longing that actually you're meant to actually realize. So you cannot have a wish or a dream or a longing that doesn't already exist in the future. That's what, that's why it's in your heart, because there's some part of you in the future that's actually living it. Now, that doesn't mean you're gonna get there. Because well, how do I get there? Well, you have to believe in it and you have to keep practicing it because the person in the future that's living that dream is not the same as who you are now.

The Irritation of Settling

Maren 18:17

Well, and I want to talk about that for a second because when I've mentioned that to somebody in the past, they've said, oh, I don't believe that my life is fated like that. And I don't think of when I say that my future self has already done it or is already there and has left me breadcrumbs, right? I don't think of it as a fated thing because I'm actually in choice. Am I going to get to that person or am I not? Am I going to choose the things? Am I gonna find the breadcrumbs? Am I going to stay the course to become that person or not? So there is a highest version of you, and it's not guaranteed. You actually have to keep choosing it.

Stephanie 18:48

And we need people around us who are also going for it and practicing it so that we can both inspire each other, just like my friend that called me to say that she had had an opportunity to go to LA as a fashion designer, actually, and that was her childhood dream. And I'm like, wow, it's coming true. And it gave me an insight to say, then my dreams can come true too. What is my dream? Like, surround yourself from other people, you know, that are doing it as well. Find them. Even if they're not someone you know, go research them on the internet or read about them in books. Like there are so many people that have realized their dreams, study them because they had to think differently. They had to behave differently, they had to change something about themselves. And that, yes, it can be painful on one level, but it also can be extraordinarily joyful, especially when you know the end that you are that you are working towards is so much better than where you are in the beginning.

Change

Maren 19:56

I look at it like this- there's challenges in life, whether you're going for something fulfilling or going for something surface.

Stephanie 20:05

Yeah.

Maren 20:06

And so, do you want the challenges and the frustrations and the possible pains to lead you to fulfillment or to lead you to emptiness? And you feel same old, same old. Yeah, been there, done that. And that quest, that question of "what is the dream?" I had somebody who gave me a great question that might be something that you guys could think about. If no one in your life ever knew what you were going to choose or what you chose, like there was no one to judge it, nobody to tell you this or tell you that, like no one would ever know your choice. What would you choose? Like from that really heartful, soulful place, what would you choose? Because having that and holding that dream, and then as you mentioned, Stephanie, having the community of people around you who support you. So I have a quick story. When I was competing in dance, I competed in ballroom and I competed in the swing community, and I competed in the country community, and mostly I trained with the ballroom dancers because of the quality of training. And I competed in country and swing because in ballroom it was highly competitive and cut throat, and people were hoping that their competitors did poorly. When I got to the swing community, that its where I found it the most. Actually both in that and in the couples country community. The competitors were out there cheering on their competition, wanting them to do well. So they would get done competing and they'd go sit in the front. They'd be the ones in the front, like of the row. Like they'd be sitting on the dance floor, cheering on the next person who is up. And I was like, that, I want that in my life. I want to be surrounded by people who are my top competitors who want the best for me too. They want to compete at that high level, not pull me down, not be the crabs in the bucket.

Breadcrumbs From Your Future Self

Stephanie 22:39

I was just gonna say, not be the crabs. To be, what would pull the crab out of the bucket and continue to keep helping the other crabs stagger out and get out together.

Maren 22:50

Exactly! It's like we want to all get to the next level, not I want to be best because I stood on top of you. You know, so that is the thing is where is the community? And if you don't have one, join our community or join our community anyway, because that's the... that's who we are, and that's what we're wanting to help the world to evolve to is let's all give each other a hand up and keep evolving.

Stephanie 23:20

And that whole saying, you know, we don't fail alone, meaning we like the crabs in the bucket, we all pull each other down, but we also don't succeed alone either. We also can all pull each other up. Which one do you want? And why?

Maren 23:38

Yeah.

Stephanie 23:40

What would be so rich and so important in your heart to change the ways and allow yourself to be lifted up and to lift others up to go too?

Maren 23:51

I would love to have you all out there answer

The People Who Pull You Up

Maren 23:56

I would love to have you all out there answer that question and share it with us. So you can find us on social media. You could share that with us on a social media. You could also send us an email because we respond to all of the emails that you send us. And you can email us, you can find our email. Actually, our email is support at https://tslp.life/ and that's our website https://tslp.life/ And you can find us on social media under Soulful Leaders because that's such a beautiful question. And I love ending on that. It's such a high note. Love it.